Immanuel’s 7 Tips for Growing Older Gay with Grace

This brother is definitely aging well. We don’t all have to fit this ideal but it is important to have healthy habits.

Wow, time flies. My children are adults now and one is married. I could be a grandfather soon.

I’m still getting it in and enjoying life in my early 50’s but realize my time on Earth is limited. And I have a a wide range of friends in my age group experiencing the same thing.

So here is my advice on how to grow older as a gay man with grace, style and dignity:

GET  YOUR FINANCES STRAIGHT: The lifespan of the average American is now 79 years, up from just under 70 in 1960. So odds are you will live longer than your parents and grandparents. You should make sure your money stretches longer too. While you are in your 50’s and still earning start paying down bills so that debt doesn’t drag down your retirement income. And start adopting habits you will probably have to as you age. These including cooking more at home, cutting back the cable bill and learning how to entertain yourself for less (try attending minor league events with lower ticket prices, concerts in the park, and free art galleries). Also, AARP is your friend. My partner Van and I use their discounts for the movies, hotels and rental cars.

WATCH YOUR HEALTH: People over age 50 are still having a hell of a lot of sex (like yours truly) and account for 17 percent of people getting HIV. My doctor got me on PrEP (which blocks HIV infection) because I am sexually active and I recommend you get regular checkups for STDs (doctors recommend every three months if you are sexually active) and get routine general health checkups done. Many illnesses that men get (colon and prostate cancer) can be treated well if detected early.

EAT HEALTHY AND EXERCISE: Face it, many men let themselves go to seed when they get older. They get the big stomachs and gain 20 pounds every five years. You don’t have to be a stereotypical gay gym bunny. It’s the little things that count. Take regular walks. Get a bicycle and use it sometimes. Drop the sodas and limit the alcohol and drink lots of water. Eat more healthy. Don’t give up meat entirely but try to consume more fish and try going vegetarian several days a week. It pays off. I attended my 35th high school reunion this fall and everyone was complimenting me on still having that small waist and no gut. Sure, I will never be a size 29-inch waist again but it sure is nice to be able to see my dick when I look down.

EXPAND YOUR SEXUAL REPERTOIRE: Sex lowers blood pressure, releases pleasurable endorphins, relieves stress and is good for mental well-being. So have sex albeit safely. And mix it up — and break the routine and try something new. Keep the dick hard — if you have erectile issues there are several medications that can help you. Consult your doctor and get them.

VOLUNTEER: Stay engaged in helping others, especially the younger generation of LGBTQ coming up after you.

KEEP YOUR DRAG TOGETHER: Dress stylishly but not too trendy, which can make you appear ridiculous and like you are trying too hard to still look 25. Wear clothes that are fitted, even if you are heavier. Loose, baggy clothes can make you look stockier and dated. Keep your hair (not just head and facial hair but also pubic) trimmed and neat. Moisturize and again drink plenty of water, which makes your skin appear more supple and younger.

CULTIVATE YOUNGER FRIENDS: Stop hanging around with just a bunch of fuddy duddies. Younger people can school you on the latest electronics, music, fashion, TV series etc. Thanks to younger friends in their 20s (Hey TC and CW!) and  I have learned about the Cash App and Cardi B and a lot of other things.






Why would a top send a video like this?

A buddy of mine who swears up and down he is a strict top sent me this video yesterday morning.

He claims he was playing with a “bottom” buddy who wanted him to play with his ass on camera for him.

“Oh you must want some dick,” I texted him.

But my buddy said although he likes people playing in his ass he will never want a dick in it.

I think he is lying his ass off. In the video that bottom sounds more like a top to me.

And why send it to me? Is it an invitation?

RIP Giovanni Melton

Giovanni Melton

Fourteen-year-old Giovanni Melton was murdered by his father last week. I know this happened days ago but it’s taken me time to process this and write about it.

With all the bad news going on in this nation — mass shootings and this incompetent piece of shit that is our president  — this murder shook me.

Giovanni’s father Wendell Melton claimed he went to visit his son in an apartment in Henderson, Nevada. His father had put him in the apartment because Giovanni allegedly did not get along with his new wife.

Giovanni allegedly skipped school that day and his father wanted to check on him. Instead they got in an argument, Giovanni allegedly pushed his father down, and when his father got up his gun went off, striking his son in the chest.

However, news reports say his father had been burning with anger over the fact his son was gay and had previously pulled a gun on Giovanni and his boyfriend. Some say Wendell would rather have a dead son than a gay son.

Some people in this world are so hateful. So ignorant. That was his child. His flesh and blood.

Who gives a fuck what the world thought about your son? Why is your masculinity so fragile that you have to kill your  child to prove you are a man?

To add to the pain Giovanni had been in foster care and abused and neglected by his family for years, according to his former foster mother Sonja Jones.

Such a short life filled with such misery and hate from people who are supposed to love and accept you. That bothers me the most.

I hope and pray Giovanni has found comfort in the afterlife and some good on Earth will come from his death.


Florida Swinging: DL Paranoia

A street in Liberty City. Photo from Wikipedia.

Living in the more liberal Baltimore-Washington, D.C. area I take my gay rights for granted.

I can go to gay bars, gay clubs, gay bathhouses, gay book clubs, gay dodgeball leagues, gay plays etc. and not give it a thought. Walk down the street with my dude and dare somebody to fuck with me.

But when I traveled to Fort Lauderdale this week I was reminded of just how fortunate I have it.

This brother down in Liberty City, a predominately black neighborhood in Florida featured in the Oscar-winning gay film “Moonlight,” hit me up on Adam4Adam.

He was extremely paranoid but finally opened his pictures to show a handsome, thick, dark-skinned brother with a beautiful black beard. He identified as top but said he wanted to meet up and suck my dick.

I explained that I was here with my partner and any action would be a threesome or a small group.

“Nah,  I don’t do that bruh. I’m down-low.”

Tarrell Alvin McCraney.

I told him not to worry. Nobody was going to out him for coming by and sucking a little dick and busting a nutt. I even gave him the URL for my blog, explaining that I had been in the closet like him and maybe he would like to read about my journey.

But he wasn’t having it.

“Did you show your dude my pic?”

“So what if I did,” I texted back.

“I see where this is going. No bruh not interested,” he answered.

And he blocked me.

It’s sad. This brother is in his mid 40s still jumping through these mental hoops.

And he wasn’t the only one. I haven’t gotten hit on by so many black men identifying as DL in years.

But I had to think about it awhile and get off my rainbow-colored high horse.

This man lives in one of the toughest parts of the city where being a gay man could be dangerous. In fact the film “Moonlight,” which addresses homophobia and bullying, is based on a play from Tarrell Alvin McCraney, an openly gay man raised in Liberty City.

And despite the vibrant gay in Fort Lauderdale’s predominately white Wilton Manors south Florida is still home to people who were born or are the children of people from conservative, homophobic nations in the Caribbean and Latin America.

So these paranoid men and I are coming from two different places and I have to accept that.




Photo courtesy of

Tonight “C.K.” texted me and said he wanted to play with me and my partner “Van.” An hour later he walked in my front door and I spotted a purple hickey on his neck.

“Damn, what have you been up to,” I asked.

“Oh, my ex-girlfriend dropped by yesterday and she did that,” he said.

I just smiled and took it in stride. Last night C.K. had pussy. But tonight he wanted to play with dick.

“C.K.” is 27 years old and from New York City. Brown-skinned, handsome, six-feet two, a little thick and cute as a Teddy Bear.

He is the masculine, mostly silent type. I have known him for more than a year but only know few details about him because he is so reticent. I think we have hooked up three times counting tonight with Van. I don’t even know his first or last name — just his initials.

But there are a few things I know for sure.

I know his mother died. I know his father got caught up in the streets and is in prison. I know he had to  get out of New York so the same thing didn’t happen to him. I know he works two jobs to make ends meet.

And I also know he is wrestling with his sexuality.

Tonight Van and I played with him, licking his nipples, eating his ass, and stroking his dick, which is not very big but gets hard as a rock as it rises from between his beautiful thighs. Then he watched me fuck Van before we all jacked off and busted good nutts.

But before the sex we talked.

“You and your partner have sex parties,” he asked me while we lay on the bed, watching “John Wick 2” on HBO.

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“Oh, you texted me.”

“Oh, wow, I didn’t know you were on my party invite list. I forgot. But I know sex parties are not your thing because you are so undercover.”

He paused a moment and spoke again.

“I could never come to a sex party. I’m too shy for that.”

But he kept asking questions about it.

“How many guys come?”

“Oh, 35 or 40,” I answered.


“C.K. some people come and just watch. It’s up to you.”

“I will tell all the guys to leave you alone because you are a newbie,” I joked.

“Oh, don’t do that. I wouldn’t want to bring attention to myself,” C.K. said.

He is limited in what he does sexually. He says he does not want to fuck or get fucked by a dude. He doesn’t kiss. But he loves to be touched and get his nipples licked.

While we lay in bed together, waiting for Van to finish showering, he would sometimes reach out and hold my hand.  Then let it go and hold it again. I found the gesture sweet and endearing.

I think C.K. would make some man a great catch if he ever decided to explore a relationship with a man. Besides being handsome some would find his New York accent and swag and strong work ethic appealing.

“Have you ever dated a guy,” I ask.

“No, not yet,” C.K. answered.

An hour or so later, after we all nutted and washed up C.K. said he was ready to take the light rail home so I walked him to the door.

“I could do like you two,” C.K. said as he walked down the stairs behind me.

I didn’t understand. Did he mean how Van and I had sex?

“What do you mean?,” I ask.

“I think I could be in a relationship like you and Van.”

I smiled. “Whenever you are ready man. It’s up to you.”

And I opened the front door, said goodbye, and C.K. disappeared into the chilly, still Autumn night.



Running into Family at the Sex Party

Family can show up in the oddest places. Photo courtesy of Adweek.

Last Friday my partner “Van” and I had a sex party in honor of a buddy who had moved away from Baltimore and was back for a week-long visit.

It was a great party — about 35 guys showed up despite the fact there were three other sex parties going on in town. The sun came up and there were half a dozen guys over so we all went out to breakfast at a nearby diner.

I was coming to work on the commuter train this morning when I ran into “Winston,” one of the guys who attended. I’ve known Winston for years — he is a handsome, short man in his 50’s who is a lawyer by day but a freak at night.

“You know one of my cousins was at your party and I didn’t even know he was gay,” Winston said.

It seems Winston was in one of the bedrooms groping around in the dark and grabbed this beefy, dark-skinned guy’s ass. And the guy turned around and grabbed Winston by the dick and balls.

Then they made eye contact. And flushed with embarrassment.

“Oh, shit. Cuz what are you doing here,” “Dexter” asked.

It’s funny. I’ve known Dexter for years too but never knew he and Winston are second cousins.

Each year the two cousins see each other at a big family Thanksgiving dinner and an annual cousin’s bowling party. And neither had an inkling the other swung with men.

It’s funny how every time we have a sex party there is some funny story to share. Friday night was no exception.