Gay Men and Their Girlfriends


I’m meeting more men who are predominately gay who claim they have girlfriends, usually in long-distance relationships. Getty image.

Self-hate in the gay community takes many forms. But one form I have noticed lately is the gay guys with girlfriends.

Like by having a girlfriend you aren’t really gay. At most you are bisexual. Which somehow in their minds is superior to being gay.

A few weeks ago I got hit up on via Facebook by an older man named “Duane.” He started flirting, which led to him sending nude photos and saying all the things he would do to me like sucking the hell out of my dick.

Finally we talked to each other by telephone and he explained that like me he had once been married and was a father and grandfather. His wife had died in a tragic accident and since then he had played with men, been in relationships with a few and even been a male exotic dancer in gay clubs to make extra money.

“But guys are crazy,” he said. “I ended up having to issue a restraining order against one of my boyfriends.”

Now Duane still plays with men and in fact bragged about hooking up with one of my old hook-ups, the illegal alien, who is now on the path to citizenship. But he also has a long-distance girlfriend in Georgia who he plans to live with when he retires in a few years.

“I just think women are better at relationships so I see myself settling down with her eventually,” he said. “I like to cook and really want to operate a food truck with her.

“Have you told this woman you have sex with men,” I asked.

“Well, she knows I experimented with men in the past and that I was an exotic dancer but she doesn’t know I’m doing so currently.”

“Do you have sex — it doesn’t seem like you get together that often,” I asked.

“Well, we have had sex one time.”

Oh. Okay. It will be interesting to see how that works out, I think to myself. For some reason I don’t think Duane is telling this woman the full truth.

Last month another man hit me up — this guy named Abebe. I think he is Ethiopian or something.

Abebe has a daughter from a previous relationship but is single now and enjoys bottoming. But when we talked on the phone I learn he has a fiancĂ©. Like Duane, Abebe’s fiancĂ© lives hundreds of miles away and he rarely sees her.

“Have you ever had sex,” I ask.

“No,” Abebe answers.

“Well, how often do you see her?”

“Oh, once every few weeks or months.”

These are men in their late 50s. They have good jobs and seem to be independent. They are very sexually active with men and go online to seek male partners. So why go through all this girlfriend pretense?