I think a part of me always wanted to get down with “Terrell.”
I first met him in college, way back in the mid 1980s. He was the roommate of a friend of mine so I would run into him when I visited their dorm.
From the start it was clear Terrell was different. He dressed very trendy and preppy — Izod shirts, sweaters draped over his shoulders with arms tied across his chest, and duck boots. And he had an ethereal air about him — like he was just floating above the fray and didn’t give a fuck what anybody thought about him.
But he was movie star handsome — with dark, chocolate skin, deep-set eyes and a high-bridged nose.
Until the day I die I will always have this image of Terrell in my mind.
I was registering for fall classes and standing in a line waiting my turn on the stairs leading up to the Greco-Roman style Administration building. And I glanced down and saw Terrell sunning on the lawn.
The fact a black man was sunning was itself unusual — only white kids did that stuff back then.
But then Terrell casually pulled off his shirt, put on some dark Ray-Ban Wayfarers shades (they were all the rage since Tom Cruise wore them in the 1983 film “Risky Business”) and leaned back sensually and stretched like a black panther.
I was supposed to be “straight” then but I couldn’t help but admire his beautiful, lean, hairless torso and smooth, long legs. And despite the dark shades he was looking directly at me, almost like an invitation.
Embarrassed, I broke my gaze.
That summer “Caswell,” my friend who lived with Terrell, and I were hanging out in Washington, D.C.’s Georgetown neighborhood, riding around in my older brother’s Nissan 300ZX with the T-Top down and Prince’s song “Pop Life” blaring from the stereo.
Caswell took a moment from whistling at the girls on the sidewalk to turn to me.
“You want to know something Immanuel? I think that guy Terrell who lives with me in the dorm is a faggot.”
I was really intrigued but I tried to play it cool. Caswell might think I was gay if I sounded too eager.
“Wow, really man?”
“Yup. He acts like a faggot and got nothing but dudes coming up in there.”
Then we started talking about something else. However, a few days later the phone rang in my Mom’s kitchen and it was Terrell.
“Your buddy Caswell told me you are wondering what is going on in my house bitch,” he said nastily. “If you want to know motherfucker just ask me.”
I was shocked. How did he even get my number? But I regrouped quickly.
“Look, you can kiss my ass. Caswell brought that shit up. I never asked about what you do or don’t do.”
My voice was loud. I remember my big brother over heard the conversation and walked up.
“Hey Immanuel, are you okay? Is somebody bothering you? Because we can go fuck them up.”
“No, I’m okay. I can handle this.”
I got Terrell off the phone. In fact, he may have hung up on me. I don’t remember.
I never figured why Caswell told him about our one-sided conversation. Were they fucking?
Since senior year was starting and I was working and living off campus and just trying to graduate the whole crazy exchange fell off my radar blip.
That is, until recently.
Terrell came up as a friend suggestion on Facebook so I friended him. I learned Terrell went on to become a dancer and singer, appearing in theaters and on cruise ships. He also has an acting career and has appeared in bit roles on TV detective and cop shows.
His family is from Baltimore and he comes back from time to time to visit. Including this summer.
So he popped up on Grindr and I recognized his photo and hit on him and he responded. I explained to him who I was and that I always had a crush on him but he still wanted to come over.
And hour later he knocked and I opened the door and he was still handsome just older, with faint wrinkles creasing the corner of his eyes, which are still large and beautiful.
When he took off his clothes he was heavier than when he was young or in his Grindr photos but he was still looking good. And shoot — I’m older and balder and heavier than I was in 1985.
After we got naked he started sucking my dick, quite well I might add. I thought at first that was all he wanted to do. But then he got on all four and turned his shapely ass back to me and I mounted him and banged his ass while he moaned softly into the pillow.
Then we jacked and busted nutts and it was time for him to go. He was in town for his nephew’s high school graduation and ceremony started in a few hours.
“It was nice to see you again man,” I said.
“Yeah, it sure was.” he answered.
I doubt we will hook up again. The sex was nice but not spectacular. It’s funny how something you fantasize about for 33 years can be better as a fantasy than in reality.
But we stay cool and continue to text and keep up with each other.