Florida Swinging: DL Paranoia

A street in Liberty City. Photo from Wikipedia.

Living in the more liberal Baltimore-Washington, D.C. area I take my gay rights for granted.

I can go to gay bars, gay clubs, gay bathhouses, gay book clubs, gay dodgeball leagues, gay plays etc. and not give it a thought. Walk down the street with my dude and dare somebody to fuck with me.

But when I traveled to Fort Lauderdale this week I was reminded of just how fortunate I have it.

This brother down in Liberty City, a predominately black neighborhood in Florida featured in the Oscar-winning gay film “Moonlight,” hit me up on Adam4Adam.

He was extremely paranoid but finally opened his pictures to show a handsome, thick, dark-skinned brother with a beautiful black beard. He identified as top but said he wanted to meet up and suck my dick.

I explained that I was here with my partner and any action would be a threesome or a small group.

“Nah,  I don’t do that bruh. I’m down-low.”

Tarrell Alvin McCraney.

I told him not to worry. Nobody was going to out him for coming by and sucking a little dick and busting a nutt. I even gave him the URL for my blog, explaining that I had been in the closet like him and maybe he would like to read about my journey.

But he wasn’t having it.

“Did you show your dude my pic?”

“So what if I did,” I texted back.

“I see where this is going. No bruh not interested,” he answered.

And he blocked me.

It’s sad. This brother is in his mid 40s still jumping through these mental hoops.

And he wasn’t the only one. I haven’t gotten hit on by so many black men identifying as DL in years.

But I had to think about it awhile and get off my rainbow-colored high horse.

This man lives in one of the toughest parts of the city where being a gay man could be dangerous. In fact the film “Moonlight,” which addresses homophobia and bullying, is based on a play from Tarrell Alvin McCraney, an openly gay man raised in Liberty City.

And despite the vibrant gay in Fort Lauderdale’s predominately white Wilton Manors south Florida is still home to people who were born or are the children of people from conservative, homophobic nations in the Caribbean and Latin America.

So these paranoid men and I are coming from two different places and I have to accept that.



10 thoughts on “Florida Swinging: DL Paranoia

  1. The dude probably has a wife or girlfriend who is waiting for him at home or who he is ‘on the outs’ with and is not giving him sex, so he thought Adam4adam is the cheap, no-strings way to get ‘a little action.’ He wasn’t looking for love, and neither were you, Immanuel. The hook-up would have been a free, no strings, cum- then-go type deal. It’s Adam4Adam and little more can be expected…(sighs)…..

    • Your statement is incorrect because its too one sized fits all. Stop generalizing. I have met great friends on Adam4Adam, men I socialize with, travel with and share my highs and lows. Yes it is a hookup site but its much more. Sorry if you have had bad experiences with it. As regards the men I met in Florida several were gay without wives or girlfriends who due to their surroundings are extremely downlow. One who I met years ago (Read Florida Swinging: Ft. Lauderdale’s Finest) is a policeman who is divorced from a woman so is extremely private because of his job and family expectations. I still keep in touch with him.

  2. So true about making generalization – Until you hear the other person’s story. And you are so right that we take so much for granted the fact that we live in very tolerant parts of the world – and still have pockets which are not as tolerant. The fact that you actually have a partner did not help 🙂 – if you had said you were on the DL, then you would have been fair game. Accepting he wanted to suck did to one guy is one thing – to now have to deal wiith two at at the same time – Wow!!!!! – that was too much to him. Thanks for the posting.

    • Blackdiamond your statement struck a chord with me. You are right two men at the same time for the dl dude is unheard of for him, but for a different reason. He’s DL for a reason. His sexual proclivities are hidden, especially what he truly likes among men. Yeah he’s DL, but his heteronormative ideas about sucking dick may fall in the category as submissive therefore effeminate. He may have grasped with that to do it with one guy, but two is a no no. Once you’re behind closed doors, by yourself, he wouldn’t care but a second person there may judge him (in his mind). Obviously he’s not that much DL because he’s on A4A.

  3. -le sigh- **exhaled as I head to my LGBTQ 🏳️‍🌈 support group in NYC**
    #ImNottouchingthis #NoComment 😩😫😩😢😢😢

  4. It’s difficult for many of us to imagine how others live. Until we’ve traveled the same path as they, we’ll never truly understand their fears and feelings. We all have to learn to be more accepting and embracing. Great post. Naked hugs!

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