The COGIC Couple


"Barry" and "Chris" discovered a conservative church was the perfect cover for their relationship.

“Barry” and “Chris” discovered a conservative church was the perfect cover for their relationship.

I was hanging out at Club  Buns in Baltimore last Friday night and went outside to cool off from dancing and struck up a conversation with this younger guy in his 30s And this is the story he told me:

“Barry” grew up in the Church of God in Christ (COGIC), a conservative, Pentecostal faith that can trace its roots back to Mississippi in the late 19th century.

Barry was gay but that was something that didn’t go over well with COGIC, at least not openly. So he suppressed it, attended services several times a week at his church in North Carolina, and got his Praise Break on when the spirit hit him.

He even got a girlfriend. Like a good, young COGIC couple they decided not have sex before marriage. Barry was secretly relieved — he didn’t have to perform sexually with a woman when he really preferred men.

But that didn’t mean Barry didn’t get his freak on. He was in his early 20s in the first decade of the 21st century so he knew how to go online to find sex.

And this dude hit him up online and they agreed to email each other. And then they exchanged numbers. And surprise, surprise the man’s telephone number was already in his cellphone. It seems another member of his COGIC congregation was in the same predicament as Barry.

Shoot, they were even in the same young adult Bible Study group.

After getting over the initial embarrassment and surprise of learning they were both gay,  Barry and “Chris” decided to use to their advantage the fact they were COGIC members attending the same congregation.

They both had girlfriends so double-dated. After they double dated the two would go home together an and fuck each other silly. And they could be together at church and not raise eyebrows because they were supposedly just brothers in faith.

“I didn’t give my girl a key to my apartment but I gave Chris one,” Barry said. “I would come home from work and he would be laying on the couch watching TV, ready to fuck.”

“Since we were both members of the same COGIC congregation and dating girls who were friends we had an excuse to see each other all the time and if folks saw us together outside of service they just assumed we were friends hanging out. It was a good cover.”

“You mean your girl never suspected you were gay,” I asked.

“Nah man. She never did.”

Photo courtesy of Build A Bear

Photo courtesy of Build A Bear

In fact, Barry said he and Chris once went on a date together to Build a Bear and made bears for each other.

“We lied and told the staff we were making bears for our girlfriends,” said Barry, a handsome, dark-skinned man with a slight stature. “That worked because the staff was so helpful. They even helped us pick out clothes for our bears that they thought our ‘girlfriends’ would like.”

Eventually Barry decided to move to Baltimore for better career opportunities and he broke up with his girlfriend, who married another man a few years later. But he also broke up with Chris, too.

“You know we are still friends and when I go down to North Carolina to see family I visit him,” Barry said. “He still has the bear I made him on his bed.”

 

13 thoughts on “The COGIC Couple

  1. I guess what bothers me the most about this is the outright deception. These two guys knew there wasn’t a snowball’s chance in hell that they’d marry their “girlfriends”, but kept them around, used them for cover and totally led them on. AND they lied to their fellow church members. It’s not right – especially in this day and age and it hurts people needlessly if/when it all comes out in the open. If you really feel a need to have a church in your life, find one that’s accepting of who you are and live your truth. This isn’t the 1950’s.

    Immanuel, I know you were married and had kids before splitting up, but I’m not sure I’ve ever read your full “back story”. Were you hookin’ up with guys before you got married to your wife, or was yours an evolution that happened during your marriage? I do seem to recall reading that things were quite painful for you, your wife and your kids when it all did come out.

    If I may ask, when did you get married and how many years were you together?

    • Read the beginning of this blog. i started hooking up before my marriage ended, which was wrong. I did not marry for cover and had no sexual problems with my wife. My desires, which were small, simply grew. I was married for 20 years.

  2. There are a lot of DL Brothers in the same situation, I was just talking to a friend of mine , who is a PK kid the other day about gay marriage and the church. He is attendind my ex’s wedding ceremony ( Yeah I was invited,,Ha.go figure) and he doesn’t agree with it but is curious. He plays with men but has a woman who knows his situation/sexuality and eventually he says he’ll marry her because it’s expected. I’m like yeah aren’t you being dishonest with yourself?

  3. Let folks live thier lives as they so choose, at the end of the day, Life is not a rehearsal, you only come by this way once and you had better make the best of the chance you are given. If having a gal as cover helps you live your life, who am I to judge you and say that you shouldn’t?? We would all want a situation where one can be fully open about who we are but unfortunately, this is 2016 and gay People of Colour still have to deal with the virulent homophobia, stigma and discrimination prevalent in our supposedly advanced society.
    So no, more power to Barry for living his truth in the best way he knew how.

    • FK: You’re absolutely right that life is not a rehearsal and you only get one chance to get it right. “Barry” was lying to his “girlfriend”, leading her down the garden path whereby she believed that she was in a relationship that could potentially lead to a marriage, family, etc. So “Barry” was denying her the truth which would allow her to live her life as SHE chose.

      If she knew his dirty little secret and she was willing to play along, that’s her choice. But she didn’t have all that information. “Barry” knowingly deceived her. Barry was afraid to be a man and live his truth. Instead he hid behind the skirts of a woman like a little bitch.

      I’m sorry, but I just think that’s wrong.

  4. umm..around 15 years ago…there was a man I cared for….he was going to do the same thing that his couple did….he met another man who he was going to be with but he was also going to get married and have children as well…he was not in COGIC

  5. I’m still anti-DL, in a sense. I have fought hard to leave Jamaica, where the virulent homophobia is NUFFIN’ compared to what homophobia is in ameriKKKa.

    To FORCE myself into a 2ble life in 2O17 how’s against EVERY principle on which I stand. This is why I’ve turned down each and every single man that has approached me with these type a proposals.

    The women knew what time it was. There ain’t no way yo don’t detect dick and ass on yo man’s breath and don’t second guess him. It goes against the very core of what a woman IS.

    But to each their lovely li’l ole own.

    HAPPY 2O17 y’all! 🎉🎉🎉🎈🎊🎊🎆🌞

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