It’s Messy in the Middle


There was no way I was going to get into the middle of the messy relationship with Clive and his boyfriend.

I dated “Clive” briefly when I first moved to Baltimore three years ago. Nice enough fellow but I had to drop him with a quickness.

Here is why. We weren’t dating a month and he was already talking about marriage and picking out spots for the reception.

“Man, pump your brakes. We don’t even really know each other,” I said. “Besides you have already been married three times — twice to women and once to a man. I don’t want to be another link on your chain.”

You see Clive is one of those gay men who is into being in a relationship. They don’t give a fuck who it is as long as they can brag to others “I got a man.” It gives their fragile egos a boost, I suppose.

So I moved on and Clive soon started dating this tall, husky, handsome dark-skinned man from South Carolina. Within weeks they had moved in together and eventually got a stylish, newly renovated apartment in a rowhouse in Baltimore’s up-and-coming Bolton Hill neighborhood.

Yeah, Clive moves fast when he wants to have a boyfriend.

But the relationship wasn’t six months old before Clive was hitting me up for sex.

“I miss that big black dick — this nigger ain’t hitting this ass right like you did.”

“You should see his dick Immanuel — it’s no bigger than my pinky finger when it’s hard. I ain’t feeling shit.”

“He works weekends and as soon as he leaves I got this big dick trade boy that lives up the block come over and set me up right.”

What Clive says makes me sick. His guy is really nice although a bit passive and clueless. I know because my partner “Van” and I have socialized with them.

“Clive, you knew his dick was small when you dated him. So why did you get into a relationship with a person you know wasn’t going to satisfy you?”

Clive didn’t respond. But I already knew the answer.

Clive has a big, pretty penis and claims he is a verse top. But he is really a bottom. His poor dude probably thought he was going to get that dick all the time and Clive flipped the script on him.

So now they were two bottoms “bumping pussies.”

Why aren’t men honest about what they want sexually? Why do they rush into relationships that end up failing because they weren’t open and up front at the start?

Well, guess what? Friday morning I was on Jack’d and got hit up on by a profile I had never seen before.

“Hey, can I come through. I need some good dick,” the man texted.

“Open your private so I can see you,” I texted back.

I looked at the photo. It was a dark-skinned, handsome, corn-fed looking brother. Ummm, he looks familiar. What? Well I’ll be damned. It was Clive’s partner. He was trying to get dick outside the relationship too!

I could have been messy. Clive and I are still friendly and I could have informed him what his partner is up too. Or I could have told Clive’s clueless partner, “Hey, your boy is trying to get my dick too!”

One buddy even suggested I invite them both over to fuck at the same time and sit back and watch the surprise and the fireworks.

Instead I did the right thing. Or at least what I think is the right thing.

“Hey man,” I texted Clive’s boyfriend. “I know your boyfriend and I think it would be awkward for me to mess with you so let’s act like this didn’t happen.”

“Oh, okay,” he responded.

And that was that.

25 thoughts on “It’s Messy in the Middle

  1. Not a read. Not shade. But you sir, are getting older and wiser.
    I have never met you in person, but the Immanuel I’ve read about WOULD HAVE fucked the shit outta both and called it a day.
    If it remained a secret, fuck it. If they both found out, fuck it. You got your nut, and that’s all folks!

    But you resisted. You are thinking with the right head, and for that, I say: “WELL DONE!”
    -NAMASTE- 😊
    P.s. I’m 29 & DTF: I’d get mine.
    Fuck it -devilish grin-

    • Calvin it’s confirmed! You are CrAzY!!! But in a good way.

      Honestly though, there are too many good people around to get in that drama. Ain’t nobody got time for that.

      I don’t care how sexy either one is.

      • And there you have it folks: GROWTH & MATURITY 😉

        You sound like Wendy Williams when you say crazy, but in a good way -giggles-
        Stay warm, folk! 😊

  2. Good for you. It would have been sooooo easy to be messy and stir the shit up in their relationship, but you handled it right and moved on. Your actions tell me how strong, loving and trusting your own relationship is with Van. I hope Van appreciates what a good man he’s got.

  3. Immanuel, can you confirm or deny if the sexual/dating options for men of color is very small in your area. Meaning, are the romantic options for single, available men of color limited and gives single, available gay men of color a very small pool of potential mates for dating or more? If so, since the options are so slim, do some guys ‘settle’ and come to realize that what they ‘have settled for’ is not really their hearts desire? So, they seek out something else, on the side? Tell me about the options – and quality – of men in your area….

    • Washington DC and Baltimore are chock full of black gay men. Many are professionals. Many are also blue collar brothers. We have all types. So the dating pool is good. But the problem here like many cities with large gay populations is that you are always wondering if something better is just around the corner. Which makes it more tempting to fool around until you do find that.

      • Of that population how many are HIV positive, do you reckon? How many are bottoms? How many are tops? How many have decent credit? How many do you feel are ‘marriage material’? Just asking….

      • Hi Anonymous:

        I’m not a demographer — I have no idea how many tops or bottoms or HIV positive or good credit or marriage material ready brothers are in the DMV. A matter of fact I take your comment about HIV status as offensive.

        I have dated HIV positive men and don’t have a problem with it — it should not be a stigma. Always practice safe sex and talk to your doctor about taking PReP if you have concerns.

        As a man who was married for 17 years and in a relationship with a dude for going on four I can only offer this advice. Get out and date and get to know guys. And stop searching for perfection — it’s not out there. Find a person who loves and respects and looks out for you and you will be good.

        There are plenty of them out there.

  4. I’m starting to realize that sometimes
    We jump before thinking.into relationships then when our expectations arent met we get to being messy, Im speaking from experience. I believe we should find out what we really want and be up front with our perspective partners.

    • #iCONCUR
      As I approach 3O, this is me entering a relationship:
      “Hi, I’m Calvin. I don’t want children (unless unforseen family circumstances prevail) & I don’t want to get married.
      If you would like, we can pursue an open relationship, or some type of relationship of that nature. Otherwise, we can try & commit to commitment.
      The ball’s in your court.” & we take it from there.

  5. Kudos on using wisdom. I’ve been in that situation and I just refused and said that I knew your better half however, I think they know that it isn’t going to work and that they are both cheating on each other. No one can be that clueless unless it is willingly. I think your friend’s better half is just playing dumb.

  6. You did exactly as exspected and I myself has claimed to be a vers top when I know dawn well I live to take that D! Lol I have since gotten myself together and I now keep it 100….

  7. Yo that’s the worst when you meet somebody you genuinely want to get to know then a week later they talking babies and marriage. First off my baby is 16. It’s no way I’m doing it again especially not with a man. I wouldn’t do that to kid. I don’t think society has come that far. I would hate to see my child get hurt because kids are cruel and adults are cruller. Second you just met me why are wedding bells ringing in your head already. And last but not lease “I don’t care if your child is in the other room I want to come over sleep in ya bed with u tonight” bra we just met im not taking that type of chance with u. People are silly.

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