From Gay to Straight: A Case of Religion-Fueled Self-Hate?


The book cover

Seven years ago when this blog was new, I interviewed an aspiring young man who was trying to start a gay basketball league in the Washington, D.C. area.

The entry was called “Gay Men Can Jump!”

Recently this same man came up on my Facebook page as a suggested friend. I wondered how he was doing and clicked on his profile.

Wow, how seven years can change things.

Now, he says he has been delivered by God and is no longer a homosexual. He even wrote a book about it.

The book blurb reads:

God wanted Kevin to stop running from the voice of the Lord and to stop giving in to the sin of flesh. God desires for Kevin to tell the good news of what the Lord says in His Word, not only for Kevin but for all of God’s people. God wants Kevin to break barriers and the deceit that the enemy tries to portray to God’s people. He is a trailblazer and trendsetter that is destined to successfully deliver a message of hope and deliverance to all.

I don’t know this brother’s journey. I have not read the book. I haven’t talked to him in years. So I shouldn’t judge.

But I’m saddened by this development. Just seven years ago he was so pro-gay and committed to using basketball as a vehicle to help people who are same-gender loving. What happened?

I can guess.

I go to an affirming church but I know many LGBTQ people who for whatever reason don’t have the luxury of practicing their faith in a place that nurtures them.

So they go to churches that preach hate against LGBTQ people and foster self-loathing.

At least one of these churches in my area I heard still supports gay reparative therapy, which mental health organizations have long proven is a form of abuse what harms the well-being of LGBTQ people. Plus, trying to change people from gay to straight just doesn’t work.

My partner “Van” and I know at least two gay men in the Washington, D.C. area who attend Baptist churches where the minister has been known to preach against people who are LGBTQ, even though many of these same people are very active in the congregations and make donations every week.

Yet another gay man I know of Caribbean descent attends  a Baptist Church here after growing up in the Pentecostal Faith.

Although he is in his mid 40s, financially successful and attends events such as Sizzle and black gay ski trips, this person still feels guilty about his sexuality. He hasn’t even told his parents who are almost 70.

That is because he was brought up in a church that pounded into his psyche that being homosexual was a sin. And his Caribbean culture and his parents just reinforced that.

“Hey I’m still a church boy at heart,” he said. “And homosexuality is wrong.”

I’m sorry. I believe God loves us all and didn’t make a mistake when he made us.

Jesus never condemned LGBTQ people but he did condemn people who were hypocrites and urged people to love their neighbor as they loved themselves. Jesus went out of his way to minister to people who were the outcasts of first century Jewish society, including lepers, tax collectors and the poor.

I just wish more black gay men would get this message.




9 thoughts on “From Gay to Straight: A Case of Religion-Fueled Self-Hate?

  1. This is interesting yet heartbreaking. It’s sad that people allow religion to determine who and what they are. I have a strong feeling and I’m not judging but speaking from experience that he’s still dibbling and dabbling with men.

  2. This whole irrational belief in a magical sky fairy baffles me. It makes people do the strangest things. There’s no proof of him/her/it existing, yet for centuries people have been sucked in by charlatans who promote it and make a living off of it. And those who fall for it the hardest are the trying their best to impose it on the rest of us, while all the while bending the rules themselves or flat out breaking the ones they don’t think are realistic anymore. Nice try, but I ain’t buying it.

    Before anyone comes at me waving their “holy” rule book in my face, they’d best have their own ducks COMPLETELY in a row:

  3. “I’m sorry. I believe God loves us all and didn’t make a mistake when he made us.”

    You ain’t gotta be sorry ’bout SHIT.

    Jah (God according to Psalms)
    💝s my Black, Jamaican, gay ass, & that’s that.

  4. I was raised in the church also. My grandparents were ministers and also my father. When my dad found out for sure he said he already knew. I was in my early 20s and I said something like I do what I do but I still carry my self like a man. He then said all of yaw do the same thing and you all will be judged the same.

    My problem with church and religion they judge to damn much. I don’t believe that god made us straight and we chose to like the same sex. Who want to go through the dumb shit with being gay. Nobody does if they had a choice. But when I look at how nature works gay people really does not help the cycle of life and that is what all animals are here to do to pro create. Humans are born with all types of handicaps and l think gay people are born with hormones that got confused during the process of being in the Mom stomach. That’s the only thing that makes since to me. It doesn’t make since to me any other way.

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