The Five Types of Gay Friends You Will Have



Photo courtesy of

Mr. Party

This is the fun friend. The one you hang out when your spirits are down and you need a lift. He can drink you under the table and his loud is always the best. He knows where all the parties are — even the sex parties. And when things get crazy he has your back — Negro can fight! But don’t go to him expecting to unload about all your relationship and work woes. “Fuck that shit man,” he will say. “Let’s go out and get fucked up and get some ass!”


Photo courtesy of Getty Images.

Mr. Wise

He is world weary. He’s been around. And he knows all the angles. All the tricks gay men play. And he cuts through that bullshit.This is the friend you can go visit, watch a football game, have a good meal, and get advice and a prescription on whatever is ailing you. He’s the supportive type — more like a close brother or favorite uncle.


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Mr. Fuckbuddy

When you need some good dick or ass he is there. No questions asked. As long as you both have the time and opportunity to meet it’s on. No strings. No commitments. Shit, you don’t even really have to talk much. He respects your obligations and relationships and you respect his. He doesn’t like you for your mind. He doesn’t like your bank account. He likes your body and your sexual skills. He’s the perfect ego booster.


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Mr. Frenemy

He is good for a good time — the theater, restaurants, shopping and sporting events. But on the low he envies you so you have to watch your back. He will try to fuck with dudes you fuck — or even get your boyfriend behind your back or after you break up. He will try to drive a car as expensive as ours. Or decorate his place as well as yours. Yet, there is something about the friendship you like so you still hang out. Perhaps he has done you a great favor. Or he has connections that would benefit your network. Or he’s just a funny guy. Or be honest a part of you likes the drama. As long as you go into this friendship with clear eyes, don’t have high expectations and know when to keep keep this person at arms length you will be fine.


Photo courtesy of Nairaland.

Mr. Thick and Thin

He’s seen you through thick and thin. When you were flying high and when you were broke and unemployed and he gave you that $350 to catch up on your car payment no questions asked. You have probably been friends since you were children or teens or just out of college. Or perhaps you were lovers who didn’t work out and now it’s platonic. You connect at a deep level. You can talk on the phone for hours. Or not see each other for months or even years but get back together and pick up just where you left off. They have seen the ugliest side of you– when you have been selfish, ratchet and just plain wrong — but know deep down inside you are a good dude who will come around. “Hey man, we all fuck up. You’ll always be down with me.” Trust me, at most you will only get two or three friends like this in your life. So hold them tight.



The film “Moonlight” is a love story


Kevin (Andre Holland) and Chiron (Trevante Rhodes) Photo courtesy of IMDb.

I finally got to see “Moonlight” from director Barry Jenkins yesterday.

It was worth the wait. This is probably one of the best depictions we will see on the big screen of contemporary gay black men.

The film packs emotions — some sweet, some bitter. And the cinematography is so crisp and colorful it’s like you are right there with main characters Chiron and Kevin in Miami’s tough Liberty City and on the balmy subtropical beaches of South Florida.

Most reviewers have cast this film as a coming-of-age story of a gay black boy Chiron who is bullied unmercifully at school and neglected by his drug addicted mother Paula, played powerfully by Brit actress Naomie Harris.

Chiron’s only respite is the care he gets from drug dealer Juan (actor Mahershala Ali) and his girlfriend Teresa (Janelle Monae), who accept Chiron and answer the child’s question about what is a faggot with grace and sensitivity.

But to me — a gay man — this three-part film that follows friends Chiron and Kevin as children, teens and young adults is really a love story.

Soon after the film opens you see Chiron (actor Alex Hibbert), who is called “Little” because he is smaller than most of the other children, in a field playing soccer with others with a makeshift ball of newspaper. He leaves the playing and Kevin (Jaden Piner) follows him.

Although the other children call Chiron soft and a faggot,  Kevin says he doesn’t think Chiron is as passive as they make him out to be and challenges him to fight. And they do, wrestling each other to the ground.

So even as children Kevin already has cast himself as the mostly silent and brooding Chiron’s protector and supporter. And their physical grappling, although not sexual, foreshadows a connection that will come when they get older.


Photo courtesy of IMDb.

Later as teenagers Kevin (actor Jharrel Jerome) brags to Chiron (Ashton Sanders) about the girl he fucked in the school stairwell and how big his dick is. He says he tells Chiron these personal things because he knows Chiron “can keep a secret.”

This exchange would go over many straight folks’ heads as male locker room talk.

But gay men get it. “Straight men” or down-low men often try to seduce us by bragging about all the sex they get with girls or their dick size. Or they try to mollify their insecurity about really being gay by overcompensating their heterosexuality.

We know Kevin is crushing on Chiron, but he doesn’t know how to express it. At least not yet. And we know Chiron is attracted to Kevin because he fantasizes about him in his dreams. But he doesn’t know how to express it. Not yet.

Then one evening they bump into each other on a moonlit beach and consummate their attraction. It’s an exquisite, sensitively portrayed scene. I won’t spoil it for you — you really have to watch it.


However, Kevin betrays Chiron in a violent act and the two are separated for 10 years. But one day Kevin (now portrayed by Andre Holland), who has become a cook and a waiter after being released from prison, hears a song a customer plays on the jukebox that reminds him of his teen love.

And he gets Chiron’s telephone number from Teresa and calls him and says he wants to reconnect. And Chiron, who is now portrayed by a stunningly handsome Trevante Rhodes, hops in his hoopty and drives the 9 hours from Atlanta and surprises Kevin at his restaurant.


Photo courtesy of IMDb.

When Kevin recognizes Chiron you can see the attraction that first drew them together hasn’t died. It’s in that yearning look in both their eyes.

But will they break through all the bullshit — all the ways black men are taught to hide their emotions, be tough and masculine and live up to the expectations of others — and just be themselves?

You need to go see “Moonlight” to find out.




We are going to Blatino Oasis!

Pool party at Blatino Oasis.

One of the items on my bucket list is to attend Blatino Oasis in Palm Springs, CA, one of the largest gatherings of gay and bisexual men of color in the nation.

Since my partner Van has a place in Florida and we go there often we decided it’s time to explore another locale.

So Blatino Oasis it is!

Blatino Oasis will be held next April 27-30.

The event is so popular rooms at the main venue are already booked up. However we were able to get a room at a partner, clothing-optional resort nearby.

We also paid for our event passes and now just have to book travel.

We have plenty of Southwest Airlines point so will probably fly into Los Angeles and drive or catch a short flight to Palm Springs.

I’m excited but nervous as heck. So anybody who has been to Oasis please share your reviews and tips!

From Gay to Straight: A Case of Religion-Fueled Self-Hate?


The book cover

Seven years ago when this blog was new, I interviewed an aspiring young man who was trying to start a gay basketball league in the Washington, D.C. area.

The entry was called “Gay Men Can Jump!”

Recently this same man came up on my Facebook page as a suggested friend. I wondered how he was doing and clicked on his profile.

Wow, how seven years can change things.

Now, he says he has been delivered by God and is no longer a homosexual. He even wrote a book about it.

The book blurb reads:

God wanted Kevin to stop running from the voice of the Lord and to stop giving in to the sin of flesh. God desires for Kevin to tell the good news of what the Lord says in His Word, not only for Kevin but for all of God’s people. God wants Kevin to break barriers and the deceit that the enemy tries to portray to God’s people. He is a trailblazer and trendsetter that is destined to successfully deliver a message of hope and deliverance to all.

I don’t know this brother’s journey. I have not read the book. I haven’t talked to him in years. So I shouldn’t judge.

But I’m saddened by this development. Just seven years ago he was so pro-gay and committed to using basketball as a vehicle to help people who are same-gender loving. What happened?

I can guess.

I go to an affirming church but I know many LGBTQ people who for whatever reason don’t have the luxury of practicing their faith in a place that nurtures them.

So they go to churches that preach hate against LGBTQ people and foster self-loathing.

At least one of these churches in my area I heard still supports gay reparative therapy, which mental health organizations have long proven is a form of abuse what harms the well-being of LGBTQ people. Plus, trying to change people from gay to straight just doesn’t work.

My partner “Van” and I know at least two gay men in the Washington, D.C. area who attend Baptist churches where the minister has been known to preach against people who are LGBTQ, even though many of these same people are very active in the congregations and make donations every week.

Yet another gay man I know of Caribbean descent attends  a Baptist Church here after growing up in the Pentecostal Faith.

Although he is in his mid 40s, financially successful and attends events such as Sizzle and black gay ski trips, this person still feels guilty about his sexuality. He hasn’t even told his parents who are almost 70.

That is because he was brought up in a church that pounded into his psyche that being homosexual was a sin. And his Caribbean culture and his parents just reinforced that.

“Hey I’m still a church boy at heart,” he said. “And homosexuality is wrong.”

I’m sorry. I believe God loves us all and didn’t make a mistake when he made us.

Jesus never condemned LGBTQ people but he did condemn people who were hypocrites and urged people to love their neighbor as they loved themselves. Jesus went out of his way to minister to people who were the outcasts of first century Jewish society, including lepers, tax collectors and the poor.

I just wish more black gay men would get this message.




Moonlight: A movie I’ve got to see


Film poster

The black gay coming-of-age film “Moonlight” from writer/director Barry Jenkins is hitting the theaters this weekend.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a screening in Baltimore or Washington, D.C. so I’m going to have to wait.

It’s getting rave reviews. See this one in the New Yorker. And the trailer is so powerful I can’t help looking at it over and over.

If anyone gets to see the film Friday please leave a comment and let me know how you liked it.

Broke Back Mountain Baltimore Style


Black steelworkers. Photo courtesy of

Baltimore’s economy today is fueled by universities, state government, hospitals and Under Armour sportswear.

But not too long ago this Rust Belt City was heavily industrial, filled with factories and hulking smokestacks.

An acquaintance, “Kenny,” told me about how he hooked up with a long term sex partner back in the 70s when Baltimore was still a city of industry.

Kenny was married with kids and worked at a Bethlehem Steel plant in Sparrows Point. The job was hot and gritty and dirty so workers showered in the locker room before changing back into street clothes and going home.

Kenny befriended another married man on his shift named “Omar.” For some reason, although Omar worked on a different team, he always made excuses to shower the same time as Kenny.

They would banter and joke back and forth, talking about sports or whether Lola Falana was hotter than Jayne Kennedy or “Sanford and Son” was a funnier TV show than “That’s My Mama!” Omar would never rush to put on his clothes and would stand naked talking to Kenny, acting  as natural as can be.

For years Kenny knew he was attracted to woman and men. So he didn’t mind getting a chance to look at Omar’s tall, dark, lean body and his long dick, all glistening and wet from the shower.

Soon they started sharing rides with each back in the city. Omar would brag about his past sexual conquests with women, rubbing and grabbing his crotch to make his point. Kenny would be so turned on he could barely look at Omar — his palms would sweat as he tightly held the steering wheel.

Then one day it happened.

“You want to play with this dick, don’t you?” Omar asked.

“You know, yeah I do,” Kenny answered.

And he pulled over the car on a dark side street in West Baltimore, leaned over, pulled Omar’s dick out of his pants and sucked it.

Soon Omar and Kenny were hooking up every week or every other week.

“We were fucking like rabbits — I loved taking that big dick,” Kenny said.

Since they worked at the steel plant at night it was easy to hook up. Their wives worked during the day and the kids were at school so they had either house to themselves.

“It was like a relationship,” Kenny said. “Since we both worked at the same plant it was easy because we could socialize together with our families. He knew my wife and I knew his wife.”

This went on for years. They only had one close call when Omar’s wife came home from work unexpectedly during the day and almost caught them fucking.

Today the men are in their sixties. They are just friends now — they haven’t had sex in several years. Omar is still with his wife while Kenny divorced his wife and is out.

“There was a whole lot of gay sex going on back in the day,” Kenny said. “You just kept things more quiet.”





The Thug Up the Block and the Gangbanger

My neighbor “Ray,” the thug up the block, likes to roll with dudes who are masculine and street.

Last weekend he told me about one of his newest conquests, a member of a notorious street gang in Baltimore. I won’t name the gang because frankly I don’t want them Googling my blog and coming to find me.

This gang member, who I will call “Curtis,” loves to fuck women. But he also likes to be fucked by dudes.

Ray said he has the tightest ass and is a total bottom in bed. However, in the streets he will kick your ass if you look at him sideways.

Curtis sent Ray a provocative video of himself. Ray shared it with me. Curtis is in the bathroom, douching his ass to get ready for sex. He plays with his asshole, bending over and puckering it.

“My ass is nice and tight,” Curtis says in the video. “Thug nigger. I’m a thug.”

Unfortunately a buddy of Curtis recently found out he likes to do guys. He told some of the gang members and even Curtis’s girlfriend.

Curtis tracked the guy down Saturday night and soundly beat his ass. Then he called up Ray, dropped by, smoked some weed, and let Ray fuck him all night.


A screenshot from Curtis’ video.