The Orlando Shooter: Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves


The Orlando shooter, Omar Mateen, allegedly used this photo on gay hook-up apps. He also frequented gay clubs for years. The media is largely missing the story on how damaging repressed homosexuality can be.

The tragic shooting in Orlando is now days old. We have been shocked, grieved, angered, surprised.

Well, there is one thing I’m not surprised about. That Omar Mateen the shooter was on the down low.

You see, some of the worst enemies of LGBTQ people are repressed gay people.

Remember that bully in high school who used to call you “faggy,” tripped you up in the hallway and stole your lunch? Don’t be surprised if he is out now and living with his long-term lover in the suburbs with their pet Shih Tsu. I have seen this happen.

I know ministers who are DL who will fuck a man on Friday but talk badly about gay people Monday through Thursday and Saturday and preach against them in the pulpit on Sunday. And married DL men who go to sex parties disguised in baseball caps and dark shades who throw their legs in the air and get fucked all night but wouldn’t get caught dead speaking to an openly gay man in public.

There are a slew of repressed gay lawmakers (mostly Republicans) who have supported laws that discriminate against people who are LGBTQ (Read my old entry “Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows”).  These hypocrites will suck your dick in a funky public bathroom but won’t vote to give LGBTQ people the right to wed and show their love in public.

J. Edgar Hoover, the founder of the FBI, was reportedly gay and even hired his lover Clyde Tolson as his assistant. But Hoover used his powers to harass anyone who threatened to reveal his sexuality and undermine the civil rights movement for Blacks.

Attorney Roy Cohn, who was secretly gay and died of AIDS, took part in Sen. Joseph McCarthy’s witch hunt of suspected communists in the 1950s, wrecking the careers and reputations of many. He later went on to defend developer and now Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, who was accused of discriminating against Blacks who wanted to rent his properties.


FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, right, and his assistant Clyde Tolson, were allegedly an item. Despite likely being gay Hoover used his power to suppress minority groups and keep his sexuality a secret.

So just because you suck dick, eat ass and fuck or get fucked by men does not make you a good person who defends people from other oppressed groups. Self-hate is a motherfucker.

In fact Mateen fits the typical psychological profile of a repressed homosexual who becomes homophobic. Raised in a strict, Muslim home by a authoritative father the socially awkward Mateen likely couldn’t express his sexuality. So the rage turned inward and then exploded, taking 49 innocent lives with him and leaving more than 50 others maimed.

I can’t help but think. If he had met just one person who helped him to love and accept himself this tragedy might not have happened. Family and friends wouldn’t be grieving and folks wouldn’t be in the hospital now struggling to survive and heal.

Many of the news reports are focusing on his alleged support of terrorism and his homophobia. But we really need to take this opportunity to talk about sexuality and how when we don’t allow people to be free and themselves we sometimes create monsters.






22 thoughts on “The Orlando Shooter: Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves

  1. Immanuel, thanks for the history lesson and your words about a truly sad and shocking occurrence. Mateen’s targets were not creating any type of disturbance, not out rioting in the streets, or blaring music too loud in the middle of the night, simply enjoying life on a night out on the town. Mateen was from a very intolerant faith. He took out his mental instability and personal demons on his first and second wives, who were subject to a lot abuse they have detailed themselves.
    He drove two hours to attack people who were partying in a safe space. The attack was premeditated. His crime was to play God and decide whether people who had not aggressed against him should live and be alive. It is a true tragedy.
    And it happened almost 1 year after the ruling making gay marriage legal, giving all Americans the right to marry who they love. The story and the loss of lives boggles the mind. The fact that so many lives, many of them quite young and who never got to reach their promise and dreams in life, had no chance to escape the rampage. That being the case, we all lose.

    • So true. So many talented, beautiful souls left this planet. Because of one sick man. But I believe death is just an illusion. They have gone on to somewhere better.

  2. Thank you. This is exactly what I’ve been thinking and talking about since Orlando. It’s all about the life you want to live, not the life you lead because of expectations, society, family values. I see it happen too, sadly in some cases leading depression, suicide or some kind of destroying, payback rage. Take care x

  3. Thank you for this post, E! This tragedy has forced me to grow up and face some of my own internal struggles as a queer POC. On a side note, what if this tragedy just won Trump the nomination?


  4. good read. As soon as I heard the details I knew instinctively that this guy’s was most likely gay and due to religious and cultural constraints repressed his feelingd. Unfortunately the pressure built up a d exploded on gay men who was not afraid to live. He was in effect trying to kill himself when he killed these people. They represented to him all his struggles and internal conflucts.
    Sad to say this will happen gain until we S a society give people the space a d support to be themselves and live happily.

    • Thanks so much for writing he was in effect trying to kill himself when he killed those people. That hit the issue head on. Unfortunately the news isn’t covering this well. All I hear is tertorism, terrorism, terrorism.

  5. Good to hear from you, bro! Being in the law/public safety profession, I pretty much figured he was a repressed gay person early on and said so on other sites; then when I saw a young black female victim say he was doing this in retaliation for “what America did to his country.” He was a natural born US citizen, what country? In addition, he was classic figure straight out of Eric Hoffer’s book, “The True Believer,” someone who felt that he was nothing, so he latched on a bigger mass movement that he felt would validate him. Since he was of Afghan descent the culture movement was ISIS/ISIL, had he been white it might have been the Aryan Nation, or black, some hotep Umar Johnson shit.

    This is why we can’t allow the right (or the left for that matter) to hijack this event and make it about, as you said, “terrorism, terrorism, terrorism” when it’s really about homophobia, social oppression through culture and legislation, and crime. When I see all the hypocritical politicians and ministers holding vigils the day after, even though they were RHETORICAL terrorists the day before, saying things like “homosexuality is a sin”, “God will punish”, etc., I think of lyrics from the old Stevie Wonder song (“All you bleeding hearts / with sorrows to impart / were right here from the start”). So, yeah, we got to keep the focus where it belongs, on homophobia and oppression, not cheap Trump talking points about “terror.”

  6. Well siad immanuel, you’re always an inspirational to a lot of gay peaople out there. Since i discovered this your blog, i wish i can always get knew updates from you everyday. Thanks for your message.

  7. Excellent writing skills bruh. Well researched and very informative. Thanks for letting us know the details of what happened on that horrible night in Orlando. Unfortunately things with never change especially in the black so called religious segment of the population!!!!

  8. It’s not just homophobic gay men who are gay men worse enemy. I call it gay on gay crimes. It’s the people that’s out and gay who are the fucking worse. They not here with the rainbow flag singing we shall over come. They in the clubs talking shit about everybody they on social media talking shit. They sit in groups and rip each other down. They say shit like oh you just a bottom. U a big bottom. Why is it ok for you to be a bottom but nobody else. They can be fem as Diana Ross but will Call somebody else a fag😂. I never started being so self conscious until I started dealing with gay men. Although they are not shooting up clubs but how many kids went home to try and hurt their self because of what another gay said. And these gays that talk shit will spend all their money on labels and be living in a damn room or a basement. No car no credit just a nice face or nice body. And those are the gays everyone want to know and be around. DL guys get so much slack for being DL but all the gays want one if they could have them the way they want them. Everybody that was brave enough to say I’m gonna be gay this is me I can respect that. But the fact is that more then half of gay men could not be DL if their life depended on it. They don’t have no choice but to just be their self because everybody all ready know. And they be the main ones talking that it’s 2017 shit just be your self. It don’t matter if it was 1917 everybody would still know they were gay. I think u should do a blog on that topic. Why do openly gay people rip each other to pieces when they should be sticking togeather.

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