Materialistic Bitch

materialisticMy partner “Van” and I did our usual vacation in Fort Lauderdale this spring. Just a few days of Florida sun and fun.

And during the trip we got to hang out with a group of acquaintances, including “Quinton,” a friend of Van’s who had moved to South Florida from San Francisco.

What a bore Quinton was. No matter where we were — eating at Rosie’s Bar and Grill, listening to karaoke at PJ’s Corner Pocket, or dancing to disco at Hunters — Quinton had to steer the conversation back to himself.

“My family is very wealthy you know.”

“I come from a very distinguished family in Trinidad, you know.”

“Did you know my grandfather was from China? We are of mixed race you know.”

“Florida is really nice but I really prefer San Francisco. It’s too hot here for me. I can’t wait to go back.”

And on and on.

I have learned in this life that gay men who have to brag about what they have are insecure. And usually when you start to question them you find they are crazy and suffering from an identity crisis, too.

All it took was a little gossip and I got all the tea.

It seems Quinton was involved with a married, white architect in San Francisco. The man left his wife and he and Quinton bought a home together.

But Quinton didn’t put his name on the mortgage so when his lover started stepping out on him and not coming home until the next morning and Quinton confronted him guess who got kicked out. Yep, Quinton.

If Quinton and his lover were so tight and Quinton was doing so well why wasn’t he on the mortgage, I wondered? That didn’t make sense.

Then Quinton’s aunt in Florida started dating a guy in another state and left her house empty and invited Quinton to come house sit. So he didn’t even own or rent his house in Lauderdale.

Later a friend clued me in. Quinton was one of those gay men who purposely goes out after men he thinks have money. Potential Sugar Daddies, I guess.

What a turnoff.



The DL Meth Dealer

meth“Corbin” leads a double life that is even more complex than that led by most gay and bisexual men who are married to women.

Every few weeks he tells wifey he has to work out of town. Corbin is half telling the truth. He does have to work. But his work is dealing methamphetamine out of hotel rooms.

“You won’t believe how much money I make,” says Corbin, who is in his mid 40s and has three kids under the age of 10. “My children have everything they need — horseback riding, a nice house, music lessons and baseball leagues.”

I try not to judge men I meet in this lifestyle and I promised Corbin I wouldn’t judge him when I interviewed him for my blog. He was already extremely paranoid — he kept asking me whether I was a detective trying to turn him in.

But you can’t escape the fact that methamphetamine — or “tina” or “chrissy” or  “glass” or “crank” or whatever you want to call it — is destroying the lives of many gay or bisexual men. The drug, which can be a white, yellowish or reddish powder or a waxy or clear rock, creates feelings of intense sexual euphoria.

This leads users to go on marathon sexual binges where they fuck for hours or days, often doing risky sexual behavior and taking on dubious sexual partners they wouldn’t look at twice if sober. It is estimated one out of four gay and bisexual men have tried meth so the likelihood someone you know is addicted is very high.

The website offers nonjudgemental help to people living with a meth addiction. The website offers treatment resources but also advice for people who are addicted to meth to use it more responsibly.

Increasingly men hit up on my partner “Van” and I who want to PNP (party and play), or smoke and inject meth first and then get down to sex. Sometimes it feels like everybody I meet online is doing it.

The drug releases dopamines, or pleasure chemicals in the brain, and is supposed to make sex 12 times more intense. I love sex so that sounds tempting but the downside of this addiction has made me scared to ever try it.

Withdrawal symptoms include paranoia, depression, suicidal thoughts, a feeling that bugs are crawling on your skin, drowsiness or an inability to sleep.

Users  report they have difficulty enjoying sex without meth. And men even in my age group have said the addiction has cost them everything — cars, homes, jobs, family and friends.

Worst yet many medical experts say the drug is fueling higher HIV infection rates, especially among young men.


Corbin doesn’t think about all this. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t give a fuck because he can make tens of thousands in a week while most of us are slaving away just to make our rent or mortgage payment.

Corbin, a handsome, brown-skinned black man, acts as a supplier, transporting the drug from manufacturers to people who sell it on the street. He says this reduces the risk he will be arrested.

He said men from all walks of life use it — doctors, lawyers, teachers, politicians and Starbucks barristas to name a few.

“Some of the men we supply want me to fuck them too,” said Corbin, who used to play football in high school and still has a fairly athletic body and a thick, big dick. “But I tell them I’m not trade — we are selling them meth.”

And Corbin is probably hooked himself. He uses meth, although he says he has it under control and can balance his life as a family man and husband in the suburbs on one hand and a bisexual man who sells crank on the other.

While he is juggling several cellphones dealing  meth Corbin says he will smoke a little of his supply, call up his many contacts (he has plenty of guys in his cellphone who are ready to give up ass or dick for meth) and spends days in a downtown hotel room freaking.

As far as his wife knows he is just trying to get a project done.

I couldn’t do it. But who am I to judge?

One of the most beautiful men I’ve ever had sex with was a meth addict. It was one of the worst experiences I’ve ever had in the bedroom. Read “The Ecstasy and the Agony.”

The Orlando Shooter: Sometimes our worst enemy is ourselves


The Orlando shooter, Omar Mateen, allegedly used this photo on gay hook-up apps. He also frequented gay clubs for years. The media is largely missing the story on how damaging repressed homosexuality can be.

The tragic shooting in Orlando is now days old. We have been shocked, grieved, angered, surprised.

Well, there is one thing I’m not surprised about. That Omar Mateen the shooter was on the down low.

You see, some of the worst enemies of LGBTQ people are repressed gay people.

Remember that bully in high school who used to call you “faggy,” tripped you up in the hallway and stole your lunch? Don’t be surprised if he is out now and living with his long-term lover in the suburbs with their pet Shih Tsu. I have seen this happen.

I know ministers who are DL who will fuck a man on Friday but talk badly about gay people Monday through Thursday and Saturday and preach against them in the pulpit on Sunday. And married DL men who go to sex parties disguised in baseball caps and dark shades who throw their legs in the air and get fucked all night but wouldn’t get caught dead speaking to an openly gay man in public.

There are a slew of repressed gay lawmakers (mostly Republicans) who have supported laws that discriminate against people who are LGBTQ (Read my old entry “Politics Makes Strange Bedfellows”).  These hypocrites will suck your dick in a funky public bathroom but won’t vote to give LGBTQ people the right to wed and show their love in public.

J. Edgar Hoover, the founder of the FBI, was reportedly gay and even hired his lover Clyde Tolson as his assistant. But Hoover used his powers to harass anyone who threatened to reveal his sexuality and undermine the civil rights movement for Blacks.

Attorney Roy Cohn, who was secretly gay and died of AIDS, took part in Sen. Joseph McCarthy’s witch hunt of suspected communists in the 1950s, wrecking the careers and reputations of many. He later went on to defend developer and now Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump, who was accused of discriminating against Blacks who wanted to rent his properties.


FBI Director J. Edgar Hoover, right, and his assistant Clyde Tolson, were allegedly an item. Despite likely being gay Hoover used his power to suppress minority groups and keep his sexuality a secret.

So just because you suck dick, eat ass and fuck or get fucked by men does not make you a good person who defends people from other oppressed groups. Self-hate is a motherfucker.

In fact Mateen fits the typical psychological profile of a repressed homosexual who becomes homophobic. Raised in a strict, Muslim home by a authoritative father the socially awkward Mateen likely couldn’t express his sexuality. So the rage turned inward and then exploded, taking 49 innocent lives with him and leaving more than 50 others maimed.

I can’t help but think. If he had met just one person who helped him to love and accept himself this tragedy might not have happened. Family and friends wouldn’t be grieving and folks wouldn’t be in the hospital now struggling to survive and heal.

Many of the news reports are focusing on his alleged support of terrorism and his homophobia. But we really need to take this opportunity to talk about sexuality and how when we don’t allow people to be free and themselves we sometimes create monsters.