5 Things Guys Ask Me on Hookup Sites that Crack Me Up


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1. How big is your dick? (Oh no, another Size Queen!)
2. Do you live alone? (What are you trying to get me alone so you can rob or murder me?)
3. What are you into? (My profile says top dumbass.)
4. Open your pics! (Open yours first rude motherfucker!)
5. Come over now and fuck me! (I’m not Domino’s. I don’t deliver dick on demand.)

27 thoughts on “5 Things Guys Ask Me on Hookup Sites that Crack Me Up

  1. I hate all five of these questions how about an intelligent conversation about what’s already been stated

  2. Immanuel, I don’t ever expect to be single and lookin’ to hit up someone online for sex in the future. But if I do find myself in that situation, is it alright if I come to you for a lesson in the finer points of how a bottom should go about conversing online if he wants to get his back blown out?

  3. I also like the ones that say call me at 555-1212 or, “What’s your #?” asked in the first e-mail with either no picture or a picture so bad you can’t tell if they are man or ape.

  4. Now I’m not an online hookup connoisseur, like yourself…you know me preferring the likes of the thug hagging out on your local corner store stoplight. You know it’s my place to be…if anything, self appointed place, to play devil’s advocate for one second.
    1. Some people don’t like surprises. Sometimes you want to know what you are getting up front. I admit I have asked this question…not online granted, but in life, yes.
    2. Perhaps they want to know in a round about way, whether you are downlow or not. Whether you are married or in a relationship, or not. Now I have never asked this, but lord knows there have been times, I wished I had. I need to tell you sometime, of the one time I went over to a guy’s house, who I met on A4A, for the first time. I walked into his Sandford and son house, to the faces of 6 family members, he wanted to introduce me to, only he didn’t know my name.
    3. I got to admit I’m guilty of this one. Sometimes top, bottom, verse, isn’t enough. They’re so many sub categories. Bottoms who don’t suck dick. Tops who don’t eat ass, but just want to kiss and foreplay. Versatile, who just want mutual oral. Fetishes…golden showers…role playing…they’re is more to you being a top dumbass…um hmm.
    4. I’m really playing devil’s advocate, with this one, because I hate this so much, but I will give you their old stand by. They just want to see you they are talking to, because what you look like determines, if you should waste your time talking to them. Basically though, this is rude. Don’t come out the gate, right off the bat asking or demanding for someone to open their pics, and yours isn’t open. Don’t demand of someone, you are not willing to give.
    5. “Yeah come over and fuck them,” what do they think you are a guy on a website looking for sex, duh? Mhmm….

    To the question 5.5 or 6, based off the other line you didn’t post but ment to from the first comment reply WYD… sometimes you are mutitasking. There have been times I have been on Jack’d and in the tub, or at work, or watching television. I tell the the truth. Not all guys are creative or imaginative, they can’t pick anything from the profile. Some guys write exactly how they talk, in real life…so some guys talk like Brah Man, from the 5th floor.

    • Good morning The Blog Artist Formerly Known as YB&DL! Don’t ask why I’m up at 4 a.m. in the morning. I just popped up!

      Thanks for being the Devil’s Advocate and offering opposing views. You always get me thinking, which is very sexy to me. I love intelligent brothers.

      Okay, let me explain myself further question by question and answer your points.

      1. There are guys who fetishize big dicks WAY too much. That’s all that matters to them. The guy could be unattractive and have breath that melt lead. They don’t care as long as that dick is big. Based on my experience guys who ask for a big dick usually aren’t that good in bed because ultimately they are just looking for a human dildo to fuck them for hours. So when I get this question right away it’s a bad sign.
      2. Based on my experience guys that ask this question first are yearning for a relationship or trolling to get information on your financial status (which is a key indicator to them if you are relationship material). That’s because to them if you are 40 and still got three roommates your money must be tight. Your story of hooking up and having to meet all the guys relatives was funny. But I don’t think folks should ask this question off the bat. Ask it when you are about to meet. “Oh by the way. Do you live with anyone. Because for my safety and privacy I really would prefer if we were alone.”
      3. Sorry I don’t agree with you here. Sex is different with different people. The vibe just varies. So it’s kind of stupid to go into a long laundry list of what you like to do or not. I see sex as an adventure — someone may teach you a new trick so go in with an open mind. Lastly, folks who are into kinks or drugs usually say this in their profiles. Saying “anything goes” or into “T” or dominant or submissive is a good indicator.
      4. Don’t agree with you here. It is the ultimate in rude to ask for a person’s pic first thing. It’s even more rude when you don’t even have a pic to offer. Talk to a guy first. If you vibe then open the pics and decide if you will go forward.
      5. Asking a person right off the bat to come over and fuck you makes the stupid assumption the guy is attracted to you. That might not even be the case. It’s also a trick used by thirsty dudes who text the same thing to multiple guys hoping just one might be horny enough to do it. As I said before white men often do this and it’s irritating because its based on the racist mindset that because I am white I am more desirable and you are here to serve me.
      5.5 or 6: I just find comments like these stupid conversation fillers. Just get to the point. “I like your profile and pics and would like to meet.”

      • I don’t have a clue why you were up at 4 am. Was it sex related, because I know it had nothing to do with me…hmmm

        Okay, I got nothing to say back for 1 and 2. You are right. I don’t have the experience, as you, but you are right!
        3. I get what you are saying, about different people bringing out, different sexual vibes and wants, at different times. However, “what are you into” is a great filler line. You use this with there is a ft ip in the conversation. It picks it back up, and is broad of a spectrum, that covers a lot, even though most of the time it’s about sex. A lot of guys, who come at me, have nothing on their profile, let alone kinks and fetishes.
        “What are you into?” in my opinion, is a modern day…”What your interests are?’, ‘Who you be with?’
        Things to make you smile, what numbers to dial
        You gon’ be here for a while, I’m gon’ go call my crew
        You go call your crew
        We can rendezvous at the bar around two.” Lol
        4. I actually completely agree with you on that. I just was on a roll, and had to give a counter argument. Even then, it was like one sentence, before sided with you on that.
        5. I usually respond back with how many guys have you sent this copy and paste message to…most of the time I never get a response back. I get what you are saying…I think you like to play coy a little.
        I don’t have a lot off white guys coming at me like that…let alone demanding for me to come screw them. Maybe it’s a regional thing? I’m into white guys, so I wouldn’t mind it to much; but it isn’t the kind of white guy, I’m into, that comes at me, when they do. Never in their 20s, only 40 to 50s, who looks like they would kill me and stuff me, and turn my taxidermy body, into a sex doll.
        5.5/6. I think it’s all an age thing. I think it’s a generational thing. I’m not a “sup” or “wyd” kind of guy, but I don’t mind it, and will answer it. I just need more than one word responses, after the opening “sup.” Most guys are not conversationalist online, and a lot of them would never say “I like your profile and pictures can we meet,” ever. That is a man of a certain age message. Unfortunately, I get the “Enough with all that chitchat, you trying to fuck or not?”

      • Thanks for taking the time to respond. I enjoyed reading it. We should really talk sometime lol. Oh and that “Enough with the chitchat, you trying to fuck or nah?” works for me lol.

  5. Lol. I hate the ones that come off desperate, like Please!! Please! Come fk me, I’m like what’s the intensity? And one dude asked what were my stats, as if we were playing ball, I guess we kinda do

  6. Dealing with number 4 is what made me realize I need to start using fake pics beforehand. I was vibing with this guy. We planned to meet up. Then he asks if he can get a face pic. I oblige because I assume unwritten internet etiquette meant he would send me his as soon as he got mine. I send it and all I see is 0 in my email. I send him a message asking where is his face pic. This prick gives me some lame ass excuse as to why he won’t/can’t/doesn’t want to send me his face pic. I was extremely pissed and stopped exchanging emails right then and there. If you never planned on sending yours why the fuck would you ask for mine!

    What made me mad was like you said Immanuel. Most of us are trying to stay DL. I didn’t want my face pic to end up in the wrong hands. We know how now and days the catty queens love outing DL/discreet men. And the nerve of this guy to have the gull to ask for my face pic knowing full well he wasn’t going to send his back just sent me over the edge.

    From then on, I’ll find guys who live States who look somewhat similar to me and steal their pics to use for when men ask me for a face pic. I know it’s wrong but I’m not ever gonna risk exposing myself like that again. The fake face pic is just a test to see if the other person will send theirs. As soon as they do, I tell them the truth.

    I can’t help it I’m paranoid af.

    • Wow. That dude is crazy. Gay or straight its the same. Fake as people. How would he ever know if its a real pic? If he sending out fakes? Games people play !!? Im tired of dudes asking me for open pussy shots how can i open my coochie and hold my phone at the same time? Assholes. .

    • Gimme:

      I understand your paranoia. I know this guy who said a person shared his photo from an Adam4Adam profile with some of his co-workers, which hurt his job prospects. So this messy shit involving face pics on hook up sites does happen, albeit rarely.

      That being said putting up a photo of someone who resembles you is dishonest. I would rather a person not put up a Face pic at all and just arrange to meet me at a neutral spot in person to see if we like each other looks. Or hell, just text your photo to the person. That way they can’t take a screenshot of a hook-up website where they got your image.

      Immanuel

      • I know it’s wrong but you can’t trust anybody in these streets.
        Also, one of the guys whose pics I stole did find out and reported me. I deleted that account with the quickness.

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