Gus and the Arab Man

Photo courtesy of thepaperblogcom.

Photo courtesy of thepaperblogcom.

My buddy “Gus” wears a gold bracelet on his wrist, studded with diamonds.

It looks so fabulous you would think it is fake, but it’s not. It costs a cool $10,000.

Gus is an educated, professional, brown-skinned black Washingtonian around 40 years old but I know he is not making enough bank to drop that much on an accessory.

But over drinks Wednesday night Gus explained that it is a gift from his Saudi Arabian friend “Fadi.”

Gus met Fadi in an innocuous way — they started following each other on Instagram. And soon they started chatting and video calling. And it became clear that Fadi, although he is married with three kids, wanted to find an unclockable gay man to share some time.

That is because Saudi Arabia is fiercely homophobic and follows the ultra-conservative Wahhabi Islam faith. Being gay or a person who is transgender is punishable by death.

Fadi invited Gus over to Saudi, explaining that he would pay for the hotel and all expenses. Gus was nervous — was he going into a set-up? But he decided to go anyway, although he told his sister where he was going and why so she would at least know what became of him if things went sour.

Arab society, despite its homophobia, is very homoerotic. It is not uncommon to see men holding hands and even dancing together. Photo courtesy of

Arab society, despite its homophobia, is very homoerotic. It is not uncommon to see men holding hands and even dancing together. Photo courtesy of

Fadi was the consummate gentlemen. He flew Gus over first-class, took him on shopping sprees for designer gear and presented him with a cashier’s check for $10,000 for visiting him. His only requirement was that Gus wear traditional Arab attire and have raw sex with him because he didn’t like condoms.

On the second night Fadi came to Gus’s hotel room to consummate the sexual part of his arrangement.

“The sex was hot,” Gus said. “He ate me out for a long time and his dick was huge.”

Saudi men often greet each other by rubbing noses. Tell me that ain't gay. Photo courtesy of

Saudi men often greet each other by rubbing noses. Tell me that ain’t gay. Photo courtesy of

On other nights they went socializing and Gus discovered Arab society is a lot more homoerotic than you would believe by reading the headlines. Women are second-class citizens and men do not associate with woman they are not related to.

So men mostly hang around each other. Eating together. Dancing together. Holding hands. And gay life is there but deeply underground. Men meet each other for private parties that sometimes turn into sex parties.

“Fadi took me to one of them but it made me uncomfortable,” Gus said. “I thought maybe the men there thought they were going to gangbang me. But when I told Fadi I wanted to leave he was fine with that and we left.”

Three years later they stay in contact and Fadi has even visited the United States to see his African American boo.

“I’m only telling you this because you don’t judge Immanuel,” he said.

Nope, I’m not mad at him. I’ve heard stranger things in life.

Readers here is an article that ran in The Atlantic back in 2007 about gay life in Saudi Arabia. I was still married to my ex-wife and I can remember buying it and reading it clandestinely and throwing it away as soon as I could. It was really informative and reminded me that the DL lifestyle just does not exist among some Americans. They take it to a whole new level in Saudi Arabia.

The Zodiac Signs that are Sexy to Me


I’m a Gemini with Aries rising.

Air and Fire.

Intellect and aggression.

An airhead and bullheaded at the same time.

There are some signs I just click with sexually and others that frustrate me. Here are my favorites:

ARIES: Most Aries were high school or college athletes or they follow sports closely. And they treat sex like a contact sport. They are energetic, creative and always game and ready to go. Aggressive. And like the warrior god Ares who this sign is named after they like to be in control whether top or bottom. I always love playing with Aries and my current partner “Van” is one so he is good to go.

TAURUS: Sensual. Methodical. Attentive. Sex to them is as natural as breathing and that’s how they treat sex. Like something that should be thoroughly enjoyed and appreciated like a gourmet meal and fine wine. My good buddy “Rex” is a Taurus. He taught me the ropes.

LIBRA: Freaks with a heart of gold. Libras love good sex and cherish the connectedness. They will try anything once. No judging. No criticizing. But the thing that makes them special is you really want to be their friend afterward.

SCORPIO: They are slow to warm but once they do…watch out! Freaky and intense. But also observant of their partners so they know how to turn you out. After sex they may be cool or analytical but it’s worth the romp on bed.

SAGITTARIUS: I would never be in a relationship with one because this sign is notorious for wandering away and losing interest. But the sex is always spirited and robust. How can I explain it? They just love good, bed rocking sex. And they tend to be long-winded. So enjoy the ride with them and never try to tie them down. If they want to come back to you they will.

Q: Readers what is your favorite sign to kick it with?

When I Stopped Lying on the Web


The new profile pic.

Be honest. Many of us lie about our ages on online hookup sites.

I know guys who have been 35 for almost a decade. And men who I know are pushing 60 have the nerve to say they are 49.

Part of the reason is the gay world is  obsessed with youth. Some folks really believe you are over the hill at 35.

That is until they get to be 35 themselves and realize it really isn’t that old at all.

My partner “Van” thinks this is silly. Why front? Be honest, he says.

Yet another buddy of mine who is in his mid 50s also puts up his real age and said he has no shortage of folks hitting his sexy chocolate ass up, including alot of 20-somethings who want that Daddy experience.

So yesterday I updated my Adam4Adam profile.

I keep in good shape and try to exercise and eat well. I enjoy life. Im virile. I’m happy and in a good relationship.

So I changed my age from 45 to 51, which is what I really am. And I took a nice new pic.

And I said I was in a relationship but we play.

And I clicked the button and waited. Nervous as hell that my sex appeal has evaporated like water in a tea kettle left on the burner too long because I’m over the big 5-0.

But guess what? My inbox has blown up. Folks are hitting me up right and left. Of all ages.

“Can I get with you and your boi?”

“Is your partner as sexy as you?”

“Hot pics Daddy.”

Wow. Honesty really is the best policy!

5 Things Guys Ask Me on Hookup Sites that Crack Me Up


1. How big is your dick? (Oh no, another Size Queen!)
2. Do you live alone? (What are you trying to get me alone so you can rob or murder me?)
3. What are you into? (My profile says top dumbass.)
4. Open your pics! (Open yours first rude motherfucker!)
5. Come over now and fuck me! (I’m not Domino’s. I don’t deliver dick on demand.)

DL Confessions Interview: How “RoyInSF” Jumped into Gay Porn at Midlife

I originally posted this article about porn actor “RoyInSF” in 2011 on my original blog DLConfessions. It was lost along with several other posts when that site crashed. I got back in contact with Roy and he graciously agreed to let me update and repost his story of entering the adult film industry at midlife.
Roy can be found on XTube as RoyInSF.

Roy can be found on XTube as RoyInSF.


Come on, be honest. We have all fantasized about being a porn star.
Well “RoyInSF” fantasized about doing it and made  it happen. And although having sex on film can be hot and intense, Roy says doing pornography is not as easy as getting your dick hard and having sex with your neighborhood fuck buddy.
There are three or four people hovering over you and your partner, and you have to angle your body to make the shot just right for the viewer at home. 
And Roy, 50, a tall, golden-skinned man of African American and American Indian descent with a fat, 9.5-inch dick, is a perfectionist who sometimes agonizes over his performance.
“It is the hardest work you have ever done in your fucking life — it‘s so much harder than it looks,” he said by telephone from his home in San Francisco. “It‘s work, work, work, work. You have to rest for two days beforehand.”
Yet Roy has quickly turned into a favorite male gay porn actor for me and possibly hundreds of thousands of others.
I saw his profile on Adam4Adam in 2011 when he was visiting Washington, D.C. for the Mid Atlantic Leather Conference back. I noticed he wrote about doing amateur porn on X-tube and gave his user name.
I looked a few of the clips and was impressed — my dick got hard but my brain was stimulated, too.
Thug porn bores the hell out of me. But here was a guy a little older than me proving mature guys could still be sexy, hot and masterful lovers.
Sometimes Roy was rough with his partners in the films. Sometimes he was gentle. Sometimes he was gentle and rough.
But the shot that got me was when a long, haired white dude was kneeling in front of Roy, sucking his big dick with relish. And Roy looked right at the camera and winked — an un-selfconscious wink that said, “Man, I’m enjoying myself and I hope you are enjoying yourself watching me.”
It was like he was inviting you to come into the action. I was hooked.
So I hit him up online and said I was interested in interviewing him for my blog. We didn’t get a chance to meet in Washington, D.C. and he got sick when he returned home but eventually we connected by phone and had a great conversation.
Getting started in porn
How did you get into porn was the first thing I asked.
Roy had always lived life on the straight and narrow. He grew up poor in Chicago and was one of the first people in his family to finish high school. He went on to college, got his master’s degree, and law degree and continues to be active in church.
But when a co-worker tried to sabotage his career by revealing Roy had once dated a porn actor something broke in him. Roy weathered that storm and kept his job, despite having to reveal personal information about himself to his employers.
“I learned a valuable lesson,” he said. “There is no such thing as propriety and safety.”
So Roy had a “what-the-hell” moment and decided to do something he had always wanted to do but hadn’t because he felt fenced in by the need to do “the right thing.” He began to do porn.
Roy, who has been HIV positive since 1988, was approached by a major porn studio and decided to take them up on the offer. He had long been asked to do pornography because, well, he has a huge dick that can stay hard.
“Their principles are very ethical — it’s like family,” he said of the experience. “I did my first real movie in September of 2010. I wasn’t crazy about my performance but everybody thought it was great. You have to put in time and practice.”
An XTube Sensation
Roy's tool.

Roy’s tool.

Then Roy decided to develop his own brand by putting short clips of himself masturbating and having sex with various partners on XTube.

The response he got proved he could have a successful part-time career as a porn actor.
“I went viral very fast,” he said. “I had just above a million views in the first month. People all over the world were writing me saying not only that they had cum off my video but how the videos affected their lives.”
Five years after launching his XTube site  continues to thrive.  He has had more than nine million views on XTube and tens of millions more views on websites such as Pornhub, MyVidster and RedTube.
“That’s crazy popular,considering the fact that many of my 100 plus videos are private and require a PIN to view,” he said. “Also my videos continue to be highly rated. Go figure. They have a combined 98 percent rating.”
“That’s wild, considering how many hateful trolls there are out there.”
Porn, religion, racism and the demand for mature porn
Roy is open about his sexuality — he told his mother he was attracted to men when he was just 12 years old — and at one time he was even married to a female.
Roy is active in his church and is even involved in leadership.  He sees no conflict between serving God and doing pornography.
A photo of Roy by photographer Duane Cramer (

A photo of Roy by photographer Duane Cramer (

“It’s really basic and it’s really real,” he said, explaining his beliefs. “God created us in his/her/their own image with our sexuality by purpose and design.”

“We are made sexual by creation and design — even asexual. There is no reconciliation that is needed before God. And it is as fundamental and as plain as that.”
Roy only has sex with other HIV-positive people in his personal films. And these people must have an undetectable viral load and be in treatment. That is why most of the guys who appear on his XTube posts are close friends.
I asked him why the thug genre continues to dominate the depiction of African Americans in gay porn. Roy says the reason is that racism still exists in the gay community — black men are viewed as either dominant or thugs and the public buys this image.
It is a mold Roy is trying to break through his porn. He is a mature black man who shows a range of sexual behavior. His movies do not present the stereotypical, cookie-cutter image of gay black men.
“Sometimes I am rough as hell and I am really fucking these boys,“ he said. “Other times I am kissing them and caressing them.”
As the Baby Boomer and subsequent generations of gay men get older and continue to be sexually active Roy predicts the demand for mature porn will grow. He thinks he is at the forefront of something big.
“I’m older and mature. I have a better sense of myself,” Roy said. “Gay people do one thing better than anyone else — they reinvent themselves.
“We are eroticizing ourselves,” he continues. “Why did the Bear Culture come about? White guys got fat and hairy.”
UPDATE: Roy is now 55 and continues to practice law. He hopes to retire from the profession. He has pretty much retired from filming studio porn. His last scene was shot last fall and will be released soon.

DL Confessions Interview: Life After Porn with Aarin Driver

Aarin Driver during his porn days. Photo courtesy of

Aarin Driver during his porn days. Photo courtesy of

Former porn actor Aarin Driver didn’t go into the adult film industry to make money. Growing up he loved watching gay porn so having sex on camera was a way to fulfill a fantasy and just have fun.

“There was always a serious plan,” said Driver, 36, who was attending college and got a bachelors degree in English Arts while doing two films and scenes for DawgPound USA and PapiThugz. “It was in and out.”

That was why it was easy to walk away from the camera. Now the Phoenix, Arizona native lives in small-town York, Pa., works in the financial aid office at a college, and is planning to return to college to finish his master’s degree in education administration or counseling.

He moved to Pennsylvania from Chicago to be with his partner, a man 10 years his senior who he originally met a year out of high school.

Today, a decade after first doing porn, Driver is busy helping students secure the money they need to get an education and in the kitchen experimenting with exotic food recipes. He loves the rural Pennsylvanian lifestyle.

When he feels a yearning for the big city he is an hour or so drive from Baltimore, Washington, D.C. or Philadelphia.

He says he is content, very much in love and even contemplating marriage.

“I never thought about marriage until I got with the dude I’m with now,” said Driver, a fast talker with a deep, masculine voice.

Buddy System Porn

Driver grew up in a conservative, extremely religious family. He is the oldest of three boys.

His parents divorced and his mother remarried a man Driver said fit the stereotype of the evil stepfather. Driver’s birth father, who was black, died while he was in high school. He is proud to say he was able to comfort his sick father and hold his hand while he passed away.

Driver never discussed being gay with his family and today has a familial relationship with only one of his brothers. Gay porn was an outlet — a way to come to term with his sexuality. In fact,  Driver said he learned a lot about being gay from watching it.

Aarin Driver and friend Ian Rock entered porn together. Photo courtesy of

Aarin Driver and friend Ian Rock entered porn together. Photo courtesy of

Years later, when he moved to Chicago, Driver and friend Ian Rock were at a leather convention and met a director who worked with celebrated gay porn producer and drag queen performer Chi Chi LaRue.

The director liked them and Driver and Rock decided to enter the porn industry together,  make a little money or  even launch their own business.  In fact, they shot a scene together that many consider one of the hottest in gay porn. Their chemistry was so intense many fans and gay porn news outlets and bloggers assumed they were lovers.

Driver shot those rumors down. He said he and Rock were just roommates and fuck buddies. There was never a serious relationship although they still keep in touch.

Driver said for him doing porn was enjoyable. He is a natural exhibitionist and it was exciting having sex with such hot men. However, porn has a dark side — drug abuse occurs and the list of porn actors who commit suicide is long. And the industry can exploit actors, Driver said.

Although he indulged in some of the fast side of porn life Driver didn’t let it overwhelm him or keep him from his ultimate goal of a career in education.

Do porn because you love sex, not $$$

Today, he advises people who want to do porn to do it because they love sex and not because of the money. And if you worry doing porn will hinder your future career prospects don’t even think about it.

That is because once your sex acts are digitally recorded and on the Web they are out there forever, easily downloaded on anyone’s cellphone, tablet or laptop.

For the most part his straight friends and coworkers have no idea he did porn. Only gay people recognize him as that hot, slender guy with dreads who could give dick as good as he took it.

“It only really happens when I’m in that (gay) population, like at Blatino Oasis or a gay club,” he said.

But Driver has no regrets. He had a blast doing porn.

“I was young and tender and wanted to get out and continue to live my regular day life,” he said.

aarindriver2More about Aarin Driver:

Favorite Food: Pizza

Favorite Book: “The Color of Water; A Black Man’s Tribute to his White Mother” by James McBride

Favorite Films: “Freeway” starring Reese Witherspoon and “Snatch” from director Guy Ritchie

What may surprise you about him: He’s a serious Trekkie