Coming out to Anitra


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If I was a female I would be my buddy “Anitra.”

We are both Geminis and free spirits who can talk nonstop about the latest trends, new events and politics.

A divorced mother of a teenager she is the only woman I know who goes online to meet and hook up with men. Her ex husband was Nigerian and treated her wrong so now she deals with white men exclusively, and believe me she pulls them.

She is an ample black Venus, with wide hips, bountiful cleavage, dimples and delicious-looking lips that always seemed to be smiling mischievously.

I have known Anitra for almost 20 years – we used to work together and I still do freelance gigs for her. She knew me way back when I was married. In fact I have to admit I confided in her alot and felt closer to her than my ex-wife.

But in all this time, despite the fact we talk and text every week I have never told her I am now into men.

Last Saturday she visited out of the blue to see some renovation work I am doing on the house. “Van” lives with me now so he opened the door because I was taking a nap.

I have hung out with Anitra and Van before but always just introduced him as my friend. We would have fun and she never questioned our relationship further.

On Saturday we stood in the kitchen gabbing. Then we finished a bottle of white wine I had in the fridge.

Van went away to another room but I invited him to join us and we busted open a bottle of red wine and polished that off.

“Shit it’s the holidays let’s have fun,” I said.

Anitra loves weed and buys it from a guy I know in Baltimore named “Izzy,” who is also gay but hood as shit. She had texted him and he dropped by to sell her a bag.

“Shit let’s light up,” I said. “Izzy can I buy a joint from you?”

Izzy ran back to his car and got a joint. And we all smoked and drank wine and GOT. FUCKED. UP. I swear I was so high the world looked slanted.

Then we got the munchies and attacked my snack food.

Eventually Anitra had to leave. She was getting her hair braided the next day and had to take out the old braids, a time-consuming task that would be more difficult now that she was high.

We walked to the front door.

“Say goodbye to your friend for me,” Anitra said.

Maybe it was the wine or the weed. My head was swimming so I blurted out without thinking, “You will see a lot of him.”

Anitra looked me deep in the eyes with a look as mischievous as her grin.

“Are y’all lovers?”

Pause.

“Yes.”

“I thought so. Van is so cute. I tried to flirt with him myself.”

Anitra and I talk about everything from prose and poetry to the proper way to eat pussy.

But I was afraid to confess my sexuality to her because I knew she attended a conservative Baptist congregation where gayness was considered a sin.

I didn’t want to to lose one of my best friends, not to mention a source of additional income from freelance work. So I had been a coward, staying silent about my love life while she prattled on about hers.

Now I realized I worried over nothing.

She pulled me close and gave me a big hug.

“I don’t care what you are. I love you. Live your life boy.”

“Besides I have thought you were gay for seven years now.”

Wow, that was around the time I separated from my wife.

Later I talked to Van who had overheard parts of the conversation.

“See,” he said. “People who think they are down-low and fooling people about not being gay really aren’t fooling anybody.”

I have to admit he is right.

25 thoughts on “Coming out to Anitra

  1. This is true most of the time. Some women be knowing & I’ve “clocked” some DL guys before.

    At times though, it’s hard to tell for some people who don’t get the vibe. I like Anitra, she seems real chill. If only there were more like her..especially in the black community who can be accepting.

    • Jai so true. She really surprised me. She said something homophobic years ago. You see she had a gay brother who died of an AIDS-related disease and the family said some negative things about him. After that I said to myself that I had to keep my sexuality to myself.

    • LOL a glass of red wine a day is very beneficial to your health. And heck it was the holidays we were all off from work lol. Happy, blessed and prosperous New Year to you too.

  2. I’m glad that you were able to admit to your friend that you love Van. I wish more people had a support system such as you

  3. It’s always shocking and yet comforting when the same people who you a think would turn their nose up at you end up embracing you instead. Gotta love a happy ending to a new beginning.

  4. If I had a dollar for every dl / closeted guy I’ve know or met who gets called out as gay, I’d have about . . . $43. The look on their faces is priceless at the absolute AUDACITY someone had to think or ask it? Eyes get all big, back gets rigid from being so offended. Me? they ask, hand over heart as if they’ve been physically wounded. That shit is priceless. Actually surprised it took you as long as it did to tell Anitra. Definitely not surprised that she already “knew.” Don’t worry about losing any work, EVER. Most people would hire would hire trained seals if they could get the job done right. Happy New Year, man. Keep it up.

  5. It’s a hard call – tellin’ a friend or family member your secret. I told my father out of spite and I told my mother a month later because she flat out asked me. I figured if someone has the guts to ask the damn question, then they’d best be prepared for the damn answer.

    Having said all that, there are a lot of people who I maintain an arms length relationship with. They don’t need to know my business and I don’t need to know their business.

    I’m glad you were able to level with a friend like Anitra that you’ve known for that long. She doesn’t sound like she’s an “arms-length” type of friend.

  6. Thanks for the story it truly helps me deal with my anxiety and telling some close friends that may already know, however I’ve been involved with a man who Is completely Out! And we’ve had arguments because I won’t deal with telling some of my closest friends and it keeps him in the shadows I agree it isn’t fair, and if I truly love this man I wouldn’t mind, so I guess Truth once again shows up and maybe I should re evaluate my heart? Hmmm.

    • Say what? Dude, if they’re your closest friends (your words, not mine), how can they NOT know that very important part of who you are?

      I suppose if you’re in your early 20’s then you can get away with playing the “single” guy in their eyes. But as you get older, I think it becomes more difficult to conceal it successfully. Concealing the truth is so fucking exhausting and so non-productive.

      Unburden yourself my friend and lay the truth on them or risk losing the man in your life now AND those same friends you’re trying to shield when the truth eventually comes out. If they’re truly your closest friends they have probably been waiting for you to tell them. After you get over your initial panic that they already knew your “secret”, you’ll wonder why the hell you didn’t tell them long ago.

      True friends will love you and have your back whether you’re gay or straight. If you lose one or more of them, isn’t it best that you find out their truth now rather than later?

  7. Manny. I’m blessed to have a coworker that seems to be alot like Anitra. Her smile lights up a room. I been knowing her over 25 years….seems like most black women think most black guys are gay anyway. I hear that alot on my job in regard to who’s gay or who act gay. You’re very lucky to have her for a friend.

  8. You are blessed & loved. I wish everyone was blessed with a fag-hag as graciously supportive as yours πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‰

    Laus Deo, & Happy 2O16!

  9. My dearest Immanuel, Happy New Year to you and your beloved Vann!! You are so lucky to be able to share your love freely!! I envy you guys and I wish you even more Joy and happiness in the new year!!! much love from Nairobi.

  10. This is a really great story!! And I can relate. I’m 30 but I’ve been able to tell my two of my closest female friends well before turning 30 & before I moved away. It is quite liberating to be the true you to those you’re close to. A coupe of my new female friends I’ve become acquainted with are aware, but always cool and never judging. I’m glad you’ve been able to experience this.

    Now tell me more about Izzy! Lol.

    Great post and much love!!

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