Too Much Gay Sex on Empire? Come on son

Jamal and his lover Michael on Empire. Photo courtesy

Jamal and his lover Michael on Empire. Photo courtesy

I am a rabid “Empire” fan, and often follow comments on Facebook and Twitter while the show is still on.

And some of the comments of my straight brethren are killing me.

“There is too much gay sex.”

“Why do they have to have women kissing each other?”

“It just ain’t right.”

Nine times out of 10 it’s not straight men saying this shit but middle-age black women. Usually they don’t have a boyfriend or husband. Yep, they ain’t getting dick and hating that some gay man or lesbian is getting something they are not.

Just plain hating.

I am dying to comment but “Van” says why bother? Why get myself upset trying to change folks that are ignorant? He runs across the same thing on his Facebook page, especially from a cousin.

Guess what, she’s a middle age uptight black woman too.

There is no gay sex on Empire. There is no porn. You see lesbians kissing or Jamal and his Latino boyfriend or black photographer pretty boy (wow, they got rid of his character quick between the first and second season) passionately making out.

But they are not showing them simulating gay sex acts on TV. This is far from “Queer As Folk.”

Besides they are not doing anything straight actors do not do. Hell, even Viola Davis on “How to Get Away with Murder” is getting her swerve in. Did you see that black guy she was cheating on her husband with?


Same-sex marriage is legal and I’m seeing gay men and lesbians holding hands all over Washington, D.C. Times are changing.

But we got a little ways to go.


If Preacher Man was out, maybe he would be enjoying a relationship in his middle age. But that is not the case.

If Preacher Man was out, maybe he would be enjoying a relationship in his middle age. But that is not the case.

Some down-low men live what I call half-lives. Half in the straight world. Half in the gay world.

And really not doing either one well.

Case in point is Preacher Man, the down-low, married minister who lives in my city. I was working from home yesterday and we met up on Federal Hill for lunch, enjoying the early Fall weather, salad, blackened shrimp and pulled pork BBQ on the outside patio.

The conversation was good but took a slightly weird turn.

“I have to find a new husband,” he said.

“Oh, wow, what’s going on with your boyfriend,” I asked.

Let me explain. Preacher Man gets fucked by several men but has a long-term boyfriend he refers to as his “husband.” Preacher Man married a woman but tries to spend as much time with his husband as he can.

To me it’s crazy. It’s like living a half-life. The ministry and the beautiful church wife are the front — one half of his life. But behind the scenes he has another shadow, half-life.

But that shadow life is ending. His husband has had a series of strokes and has to move in with relatives. I can’t remember whether it was one of his children or a niece or nephew.

Preacher Man, if he was legally married to his husband, of course would care for him through his illness. However since they are not legally married, and have a secret relationship, all Preacher Man can do is fade into the background, unrecognized and unseen.

“I’m trying to find a man in the same situation that I’m in — married but gay,” Preacher Man said.

I tried to be sympathetic but inside I was thinking, “Wow, he is ready to move on already. That’s quick.”

“Well, I’m sure if you put an advertisement on Craigslist or Adam4Adam and say exactly what you want and you will find someone,” I suggested.

A sad, rueful smile crossed Preacher Man’s handsome, square-jawed brown face.

“I’m an old queen now. Who will want me?”

Comrades in Arms

Photo courtesy of

Photo courtesy of

Several gay and bisexual men I know say they got turned on to gay sex in the military. One of my friends “Wesley” told me this is what happened to him:

After he graduated high school and went to college Wesley decided to enlist in the Army instead of the Air Force like his Dad. Which pissed off his father no end.

“Wow, you breaking the tradition son. I should make you pay back all that money I spent on college.”

“Well Dad I’m grown now and have to live my own life.”

So Wesley went through basic training and headed to Fort Bragg in North Carolina, where superiors liked his good grades and enrolled him in IT training. And they partnered him with “Donovan” so the two could help each other study.

Wesley and Donovan couldn’t be more different. Wesley was a six-foot four black kid from the suburbs of Maryland who liked listening to Go Go Music. Donovan was a shorter, muscular, pale  white guy with red hair and freckles from the foothills of West Virginia who liked country music.

However, they soon became friends and hung out all the time. And the attraction between them grew into more than just study buddies.

First Donovan would rub his thigh against Wesley’s when they sat side by side in front of their computers in IT class. Then when they played spades in the barracks they would partner with each other and Donovan would play footsie with Wesley under the table, the other card players unaware of the flirting.

“Why do you keep rubbing up on me man,” Wesley asked.

“Oh shoot Wesley I’m just playing, relax,” Donovan answered. But Donovan didn’t stop doing it.

Wesley ran track for the military and Donovan was quarterback of the base football team.

“Wesley you don’t have good hands but you run fast as greased lightning,” Donovan said. “Why don’t you be a receiver for the team.”

So that gave both of them a chance to work out with each other and shower naked together in the gym. Donovan’s thick white penis and his unruly red pubic hair fascinated Wesley. He grew up around black people and had never seen a white man naked before.

One night they went out drinking and Wesley got tore up. And Donovan invited him to sleep on his couch while he slept in his bedroom.

Later that night Donovan came out of his room, and walked over to Wesley’s lanky body sprawled on his couch, and caressed him. And before you knew it Wesley fully awoke and Donovan unzipped his fly and put his penis into Wesley’s mouth.

Wesley had never had gay sex before. It just happened. Like it was the most natural thing to do.

The military is a popular gay porn genre. Wesley and Donovan were actually living it in real life. Image courtesy of

The military is a popular gay porn genre. Wesley and Donovan were actually living it in real life. Image courtesy of

For a year they would meet and suck each other’s dicks. Donovan loved cramming his mouth with Wesley’s member, which is a true 10 inches and so thick Donovan could barely get his hand around it.

“Being with him was so taboo. The fact we were having gay sex and were of different races and different backgrounds. That is what made it hot,” Wesley said.

The second year Donovan said he wanted to fuck Wesley, and Wesley let him do it. And they both seemed to enjoy it. But after that happened the two seemed to avoid each other for a while — barely making eye contact for a week.

It was like a barrier had been broken. Were they now really gay?

It was easy for them to hide their affair. They both had girlfriends and double dated with their girls. They both played sports. And they were both deep voiced and very masculine, so who would know?

But then Wesley decided he was going to live a gay lifestyle and gave up dating women and Donovan proposed to his girlfriend and got married.

“I left him alone after he got married — I didn’t want to interfere with that,” Wesley said. “Then we both got transferred to different bases — I ended up in Germany.”

“We would write each other but that stopped. The last thing I got from him was a Halloween card back in the 90s. I sometimes wonder what happened to him.”

Readers please share your experiences of sex in the military. And to read a blog from a military visit my buddy GoodTopBrutha.

Are you Watching Iyanla: Fix My Life episode on gay black ministers?

Iyanla talks to gay minister Mitchell during theepisode Fix My Life as a Gay Pastor.

Iyanla talks to gay minister Mitchell during the episode Fix My Life as a Gay Pastor.

If you are not watching, check out OWN’s three-part Iyanla: Fix My Life episode on black gay ministers who decide to come out of the closet.

When it comes to equal rights and acceptance of same-sex loving people, the black church is years behind the time. This comes despite the fact gays are running all up and through all levels of black congregations.

Hell, a gay minister in Baltimore I know who is married to a woman (I call him Preacher Man) said he couldn’t wait to the get to the National Baptist Convention in Memphis earlier this month so he could freak with men after the worship services and seminars were over.

“Those brothers treated me well in Memphis,” he told me after he got back.

So the hate so-called Christian black people display toward gay people is so hypocritical.

I commend Iyanla for bringing this issue to light although one of the men on the show, Mitchell, already came out to his wife and separated.

I just don’t see the need for Mitchell to confess to his wife that he had five affairs with men while they were married. Iyanla says he needs to do so to heal. But the separation was painful enough — why pour salt on the wound and cause his wife additional pain?

I think for the other pastor Derek it’s more of an open secret. He looks very gay. It will be interesting to see how his confession about his sexuality affects his great work with his ministry and his relationship with his homophobic family.

And to read more on my blog about this issue check out:

The Religious Right

Profile of a Down-Low Brother: Preacher Man


Preacher Man Has VD

The 8 Best Types of Lovers

A few days ago I gave you the worst types of lovers you will run across. Here are the best:

attentiveThe Attentive One

He makes sure you are pleased and get your nutt before he does. This is the type of man who gets pleasure from making a man bust. It’s like his avocation and he will do anything to make sure that happens.

suckingdick2The Oral Expert

He can suck your dick or eat your ass so well your eyes spin back in your head and your toes curl. It doesn’t matter whether he is a top or bottom. Who cares? As long as he keeps doing that oral.

middleage2Mr. Full Potential

He doesn’t have the fattest ass. He doesn’t have the biggest dick. Or the most handsome face or chiseled body. Hell, he is probably older and overweight. But he knows how to throw sex better than a 21-year-old porn star. How to get you in just the right position. How to ride you in a way that hits that dick just right.  And his skills are so good that when you are with him all that superficial stuff like having the ideal body doesn’t matter.

detectiveThe Detective

He gets to know you before he has sex with you but does it in such a subtle way you don’t really notice. You just think you are having a good conversation. But he is figuring you out. What makes you click. What turns you on. When you finally have sex he surprises you, getting all dominant and making you get on your knees and suck that dick. To your surprise it turns you out. You know you want more. “How did you know that was going to turn me on,” you ask afterward. “Because I listen to all that shit you would say about just relaxing and letting someone else take control.” See, detectives are good listeners.

freak2The Freak with a Heart of Gold

Yeah, you started as fuck buddies. The sex is good. But it’s more than that. He is a person you can go to and talk about your problems and get good advice, a warm meal, or just hang out and watch a football game or a silly Tyler Perry movie. Watch out. He could be boyfriend/husband material.

parnterincrimeThe Partner in Crime

He is willing to try anything once. What, you thinking about putting electrodes on your nipples? Yeah, that shit sounds hot lets try that. You want to piss on me? Let me put my rubber sheets on the bed. You want to hit that sex party together? Give me a half hour to shower and prep.

phoneboneThe Sex Talker

There are bad lovers who talk and talk but don’t deliver (see Talker in my last entry). But then there are men whose talk lives up to their sex game. This brother gets you in bed and says nasty shit to you that makes you do shit and assume positions you didn’t think you could do, like that Superflex, Two Snaps Up, Flying Dragon, Reverse Cowgirl position (bet you never read about that in The Joy of Sex!). Matter of fact you don’t even have to meet this guy in person. His phone bone game is on point.

professorThe Professor

Okay admit it. Your sex game was lame before you met The Professor. But he saw potential in you and helped your skills. And taught you how to avoid the flakes and the phonies. The Professor may be an older Daddy top or bottom who has seen it all, been there, done that and come back and wrote a blog about it. But thanks to his patience, lectures, and in-class bedroom assignments you have earned a master’s degree in ass eating and a doctorate in freakology. Be sure to pass your skills on to the next generation.

Okay readers, what are your favorite types of lovers?

The 8 Worst Types of Lovers


I’ve experienced a lot of sex and it seems bad lovers fall into certain types. Here are my eight:

The Energizer Bunny

energizer bunnyThis man confuses being energetic with being passionate. The two are not the same. He does everything too hard. He kisses too hard, and often sloppily. He grabs you too hard, sometimes causing pain or leaving bruises. He sucks your dick too hard, leaving it sore. If he is topping he thrusts too fast and too hard, never changing rhythm. Or if he is bottoming he prefers to ride on top, bouncing up and down willy nilly. Be careful. He might break your dick.

control freakThe Control Freak

He orders you around. Whether top or bottom he tells you what sexual positions to assume. How to kiss him. How slow or fast you must fuck. Sex must be at his place because he doesn’t travel out and likes to set the environment where the sex act will happen. He can only have sex at 9:30 p.m. on Saturday because that is his only available time slot — he has a busy work and gym schedule and Friday is out because he had to attend a charity fundraiser. You must wear the type of underwear or costume or leather gear he likes or be of a particular body type or race.

The Drug Head

meth headHe must have weed or alcohol or methamphetamine or poppers to enjoy sex. The weed can be okay because it can make him extra horny and willing to do things he wouldn’t normally do. But unless you get high too it’s boring sitting around naked waiting for him to go through the ritual of rolling the joint and smoking at least two and having three or four shots of vodka and cranberry juice before he is ready to get down to business two hours later. A little popper use is okay but he over does it. The fumes give you a headache or he passes out when he inhales too much, prompting you to call 9-11. If he uses T and you do not also indulge get ready for some weird sex. He will babble about everything that comes across his mind from A to Z, fuck furiously for a few minutes, and stop and talk some more. His mouth will get dry and have crusty, dried saliva in the corners and his dick will barely get hard.

gay pornThe Porn Addict

He MUST have porn playing to get in the mood. While you are having sex he may top you in the doggy style position or bottom while riding you. You will look up and notice he is staring at the flat screen or lap top and not at you, matching his thrusts with the actor’s.  Because he is really fantasizing he is in the movie fucking XL or Jerry Stearns. You are just a prop.

The Movie Producer

directorHe MUST record and video everything or broadcast on OoVoo. Why? Is he trying to record it for posterity? Share with his friends? Live out his porn star fantasy? He is constantly directing the scene because you are not having sex with each other — you are showing off for an audience. “Hey baby, turn your ass this way so they can see my dick going in.” “Wait, we gotta stop fucking a minute. I have to change the camera position so they can see my ass bounce on  your dick.” Hey, this scene can be fun if you are into that but be sure you don’t show your face because you will be surprised where that video shows up.

blahThe Talker

All week he seduces you by phone and text. He is going to turn you out. You are going to have the best sex in the universe. He is going to suck that dick, eat that ass, fuck that booty, or throw some ass like it has never been sucked, eaten, fucked or thrown before. The anticipation builds. You can’t wait to meet. And then when you meet and have sex his talking continues, in a voice he thinks is low and sexy but really sounds creepy. “Isn’t this dick good?” “Isn’t this ass sweet?” And the sex is…terrible. Blah. Blah. Blah. Shut up and wake me when you are done.

The Selfish One

selfishYou have to do everything. You have to suck that dick and get it hard. You have to eat that ass and get it wet. He barely kisses you — just a peck. And lays back and lets you do everything. If you are topping him you have to spread his legs and put a pillow under his ass to get him in the right position — he is not going to move a muscle to help. And if he is topping you have to get onboard and ride him. Or if he does take an active role fucking he cums too quickly and jumps up and dresses and leaves or turns over and snores. You know you can do better than this, right?

groupieThe Groupie

He has to have sex in groups of three or more. The thought of having multiple dicks or asses at his disposable, or being able to watch you having sex with others, is irresistible. “Hey baby, do you have any friends? Can you call them up and get them over? Make sure they are tall, dark-skinned tops with big dicks, okay?” He makes you feel more like his pimp than his lover.

Okay readers, what types of bad lovers do you know? Leave a comment!




Never Bite the Ass or Dick that Feeds You

Remember my acquaintance “Ronald,” the guy who has had several affairs with professional football players?

I forgot to mention he is extremely picky about his sexual partners, probably because he is
used to getting fucked by professional athletes who fans worship because of their perfect bodies and prowess on the field.

He demands the guys he meets have a big dick, be tall, in good shape, and eat his ass well. And he constantly bugs me to connect him with guys like that who I know because he is new in town, works long hours, and really doesn’t have time to mingle as much as he should.

So against my better judgement I connected him with “Freddy,” a tall, sexy guy I originally met way back in college. Freddy is one of the nicest men I know and his bedroom game is top-notch. When he gets going he can literally throw foreplay and fuck for hours.

A few weeks ago Ronald hit me up, again asking if I knew any good tops in the Baltimore area.

“Hey, didn’t I connect you with my friend Freddy?,” I asked.

“Yeah I did but he couldn’t keep up with me. He is sorry. He got winded. Do you know any other big dick, tall tops like you who like to fuck?”

“Nope Ronald. I’m mostly a top myself so I’m not really looking for other tops.”

Ronald’s statement surprised me. Freddy a bad lover? That didn’t sound even remotely right.

So I called Freddy to get the truth.

“He is a complete lunatic,” Freddy said.

The black gay world is relatively small and men tend to develop a network of friends for support or guidance. That is why it is important you treat people with respect because you never know who knows whom. Photo courtesy of

The black gay world is relatively small and men tend to develop a network of friends for support or guidance. That is why it is important you treat people with respect because you never know who knows whom. Photo courtesy of

Freddy explained that he fucked Ronald two times and Ronald kept bugging him for more dick. But the sex was one-sided — Ronald is one of those bottoms who will suck dick a little but really wants to lay back, get his ass eaten, and get fucked, and fucked, and fucked, and fucked.

So Freddy got bored with it and starting saying no to Ronald’s requests to come visit. Which clearly upset Ronald, who bad mouthed Freddy to me.

“His problem is he is strange and I really didn’t enjoy fucking him,” Freddy said.

To prove his point that Ronald had lied and was still trying to get him Freddy sent me a screenshot of recent text messages Ronald had sent him. The text messages clearly showed that Ronald was pressing “Freaky Freddy” for another taste of his big dick.

I see gay men make Ronald’s mistake all the time. It’s a big mistake that one should avoid at all costs. The gay world is small and the black gay world is even smaller. You have to be careful what you say about people because stuff gets out and you can quickly earn a bad reputation.

It upset me that Ronald would lie about a close friend. Freddy is part of my gay support system and has become close to me and my partner “Van.” He has come over to game parties at my place, met my daughter, and we take time to grab drinks or a meal out with each other every few months.

And I have attended an event at a gay organization of which he is a member and donated to its cause.

So Ronald literally bit the hand that fed him. You can’t be a shitty person and expect people to help you get dates, let alone fuck buddies. And Ronald should know better — he is over 40 years old.

However Freddy and I theorized that since Ronald moved here from Atlanta maybe he is behaving like some gay men do there. I have heard Atlanta is a very messy place if you fall into the wrong circles.

A few days ago Ronald texted me again, asking me to contact Freddy for him since Freddy was ignoring his texts. I know Freddy is dating someone now and spending a lot of time with them.

“He is dating someone pretty seriously now,” I texted Ronald.

“OK,” he answered.

I shook my head. Freddy is a great catch. Ronald might have been the one Freddy was dating now if he wasn’t so messy.