A couple of Friday nights ago “Van” and I were dancing in Ziascoz, a tiny gay bar near Little Italy in Baltimore that has great house music on Friday nights into the wee hours on Saturday.
And we glanced over and saw a friend of ours, “Jamal,” dancing with this handsome, older man with bulging biceps and thighs so bulky they strained against his jeans.
Watching them dance was comical and I will tell you why. The muscle guy kept looking at himself in the mirror on the dance floor instead of looking at Jamal.
It was like he was dancing with himself.
Then he took off his shirt to show off his caramel-colored pecs and kept looking at himself in the mirror.
After awhile I got Jamal off to himself and spoke in his ear so he could hear me above the thumping music.
“Are you dating him? Because he is really into himself.”
“Nah, we are just friends,” Jamal said.
“Whew, I’m glad,” I answered, laughing.
But on Friday Jamal visited us — we sat around and talked and ate tuna fish sandwiches I made and some take-out Liberian food — and Van and I got the full story.
Muscle man, who I will call “Malcolm,” had dated Jamal in the past and recently reconnected with him. He is 49 years old and Jay is 35 so there is an age difference.
They are hanging around with each other a lot and Jamal, who is of slight, average build, said the sex is off the chain because it’s hot to have a man who can pick you up and literally fuck you all over a room.
Plus you can tell he really likes Malcolm and hopes something longer term will develop.
But they are not official lovers because Malcolm gave Jamal an ultimatum.
Malcolm said he is really into big, muscle men like himself and is dating Jamal despite himself. He said he is giving Jamal two years to get bulked up so they can make things permanent.
My mouth dropped open. Jamal is a good catch. Why should he have to change?
Van and I warned him that Malcolm may be a control freak and asking him to alter his appearance to please him is a big, neon red flag.
Jamal is active in local gay life, has a sparkling personality and was one of the first people to befriend me in Baltimore. Of mixed African American and Puerto Rican heritage descent he is cute, with dark brown skin and striking, tawny eyes.
Van and I warned him that Malcolm may be a control freak and asking him to alter his appearance to please him is a big, neon red flag. It could lead to future mental abuse, I warned.
And what if Jamal worked out and lost enough weight to please himself, but still didn’t satisfy Malcolm’s ideal, Van asked.
Plus there were other troubling signs in this fuck buddy relationship. Malcolm at first said he was a total top and if he committed to Jamal he wanted Jamal’s ass to himself.
But when Jamal visited Malcolm’s home he found a shower head enema hanging over the bathtub. After asking Malcolm about it Malcolm admitted he wasn’t a true top but did give up the ass sometimes.
Probably to guys who are bigger and more muscular than himself, I thought to myself. And if Malcolm lied to Jamal about his sexual preference what else would he lie about?
There are so many game players in the gay world, even among middle age men such as Malcolm. I didn’t want Jamal to get hurt by one.
Jamal listened politely to what Van and I said to him but he assured us he can handle Malcolm.
Sometimes folks have to find out for themselves. And maybe things will turn out alright. I hope so.