Five Years Later…


Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of BaltoPhoto.org.

Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of BaltoPhoto.org.

Wow, I launched this blog five years ago. I hadn’t even thought about it but Fall is here and the cool air, shorter days and leaves beginning to turn gold, and brown, and orange and red make me feel nostalgic and introspective.

What a journey. From married and straight to gay with a partner.

Do I have regrets? Yes. I wish I had more time with my kids. I’m sorry I hurt my ex wife. But things are on the mend. I went to a function a week ago, the birthday of a dear family friend who has supported me in this journey, and my son and daughter were there with me. My daughter and I are cool but my son and I are still a estranged.

That day we were cordial. I walked over to the gaggle of young folks and told my son I was proud of him for finishing trade school and getting a job. He smiled and let me take photos of him and his sister together. I will treasure those photos forever. I’m putting a framed copy on my desk at work.

I feel more hopeful. Time does heal all things. Just be patient. Don’t let funky situations with people or jobs or bills stress you out. Trust in God and go to him with your problems and everything will work out in the way it is supposed to..

Wow, I read back parts of blog. You can tell I like sex, eh? I still do and I’m glad I’m hanging “Van,” a guy who shares my joie de vivre.

He is Aries with Aquarius rising. I am Gemini with Aries rising. We are both a mixture of fire sign and air sign. Air makes fires brighter and hotter. So I hope we can do that for each other. It’s been more than a year and a half and we haven’t killed each other yet.

In five years I have visited my first gay bar. Had numerous fuck-buddies, my first serious crush on a dude (remember Oliver? What was I thinking?), and my first serious relationship with Morgan that failed because ultimately openness and honesty were not there.

What’s ahead? I was recently promoted at work and I’m enjoying the new challenge. I’m enjoying my little row house in the ‘hood in Baltimore. I have a lot of work ahead to get it together. I’m trying to pay off bills because I probably have 10 more years of active work life and I don’t want to be a broke old faggot.

Van and I are talking about joining households. We are trying to work out the details of that. What furniture will go where. Who has a better dining room set. My Mom wants to meet him and his Mom wants to meet me so hopefully around the Holidays that will happen.

Readers, thanks for being on this journey with me. Your comments have encouraged me and me laugh, and smile and sometimes made my eyes wet with emotion.

I want to send a special shout out to Raw Leather Daddy, Luckey Star,Trapped Driven, Cogito, Jamari Fox, Damonjay, Fortune Knowles, Derek Perry, The Blog Artist formerly known as…, Tinsel, Worst_1_Yet, Kahicks, Cool Top, Martin, sc8709, Roger Poladapoulous, Prince, Musique’s Poetry, Rob, Iam Thegayte-keeper, the list goes on and on please forgive me if I missed you.

Some of you guys I have met and hung with, others I have talked with on the phone and yet others I only correspond with through this blog. But know I love you and hope you continue to share a part of this journey with me.

God Bless, Immanuel