hoesaintloyalThe gay world is messy. I try to stay above it. But as any faithful reader of this blog can attest sometimes I get messy, too.

But on Friday I won an Oscar for “Best Supporting Actor in a Messy Drama.” Whew, it surprised even me. But first I have to give you the background.

In the last six months or so of my relationship with my ex “Morgan” the sex just wasn’t there. He barely touched me and always made excuses for his low libido.

It was his medication, or I was nagging him too much, or he was having erectile dysfunction.Yet I saw signs he was masturbating or possibly playing on the side. Dirty, cum-crusted tissues under the desk in his office and bottles of lube. A hard drive full of gigabytes of porn. A sex toy left out by accident that I discovered when I came home  from work.

So I decided, after a year of being faithful, to step out and get some sex on the side. Because I was horny and frustrated all the time and the man I really loved and wanted was leaving me high and dry and not wanting to fix the problem, let alone talk about it.

And one of the guys I hooked up with was “Omar,” this handsome, well-built, middle-aged accountant who was also cheating on his man. Omar is a Creole from Louisiana with brown skin, a nice body, a big dick for visuals and a decent ass for fucking.

Omar's body. I won't show the face to avoid further drama.

Omar’s body. I won’t show the face to avoid further drama.

One day when I was off from work I invited him over to the house I shared with Morgan, took him up to the third floor and fucked him on the floor. The sex was not all that spectacular.

And I have not fucked Omar again in the more than two-and-a-half years since that happened although we text each other every few months, mostly to flirt or just catch up.

On Friday evening I got a text from Omar saying something upsetting had happened to him that day.

“What happened?” I texted back.

And I got this story. Omar had met Morgan online and the two had decided to hook up. So Omar went to his house. According to Omar, Morgan met him at the door and was so turned on or just plain horny that he got naked in a minute flat.

But Omar wasn’t feeling Morgan and didn’t want to go through with sex. He turned Morgan down and Morgan asked him why.

Instead of just saying he wasn’t physically attracted to him, Omar told Morgan he felt uncomfortable because he had sex in the same house before with a guy he thought was in a relationship with Morgan.

Yep, Hoes ain’t loyal. Omar threw me under the bus.

“Oh no, why did you put me out like that lol,” I texted.

“I got scared. I’m so sorry,” Omar responded.

“That was not cool at all. So you ended up hurting him twice. By rejecting him then saying you were with me.”

“You are right…now I really feel bad,” Omar texted.

Omar said Morgan got pushy and started drilling him with questions, in person and later by cellphone text. Did I fuck Omar or had Omar been fucking me? Did Omar attend any sex parties (I guess Morgan was referring to ones I and Van are are having that are clearly advertised on Adam4Adam for anyone to see).

Omar didn’t respond to the question about what he and I did sexually and told Morgan he didn’t even like going to sex parties.

Omar said he feared if he outright had rejected Morgan the situation would have gotten worse. I didn’t believe him.

“Like he would have gotten violent or something. Please”

“Not what I meant,” Omar answered.

“Next time just say you aren’t feeling a person and walk out. You weren’t a prisoner there.

“Ok. I’m sorry. I know you (are) over it but I wanted to say it again.”

I just couldn’t believe it. Omar is fifty-something years old and couldn’t just walk out of a potentially bad hookup?

“I’m not exactly over it…we are all human. But I don’t think we should communicate again. Take care.”

Prison Love


This middle aged gay black man I know in Baltimore has been a drug counselor for almost two decades. But when he was younger he sold and used drugs and ended up in prison. This is the story he told me about his “prison husband.”

“Martin” was standing outside his cell on the second tier, looking down at the new arrivals at prison. And that’s when he saw “Abdul,” a tall, dark, handsome man who was filing in with the new arrivals.

“We locked eyes and stared at each other and I thought to myself, ‘I’m going to have him,'” said Eric, who was serving time in Maryland State prison for multiple marijuana sale offenses.  “We just had chemistry.”

Before too long Abdul,  who was also in jail for drug sales, would briefly chat with Martin each time he walked by Martin’s cell. This happened several times a day.

One day Abdul asked for help.

“My peeps ain’t sending me no money and I don’t have any funds to buy soap and deodorant and other stuff from the commissary.”

“Don’t worry man. I will get you $20 worth of stuff to get you started. Just pay me back when your folks finally come through,” Martin answered.

Martin had been with women and even had a daughter. But by his late 20’s when he went to prison he had figured out he loved long black dicks and getting fucked way more than pussy.

Martin was a handsome, cocky brown-skinned brother who was built like a brick shit house because he regularly worked out. He had a high, light voice but was masculine so no one in prison suspected he was gay and loved to bottom.

One day he and Abdul showered at the same time.  Abdul eyed Martin’s plump bubble ass and broad chest and leaned closer and said, “You know I’m really attracted to you.”

Martin was a little surprised but so pleased his ass tingled and his long, thin penis grew hard.

Abdul claimed he was straight. Plus he was Muslim and knelt on a carpet and prayed  toward Mecca with the other brothers. He just didn’t seem like the type to stray down the rainbow path.

They got a chance to hook up during Ramadan. Abdul snuck away from the Muslim inmates who were segregated during fasting and made his way to Martin’s cell. Nobody was around..

“Hey Martin I’m so horny for you baby. Please suck my dick.”

Martin looked around to make sure no one was around and knelt at the entrance of his cell and pulled Abdul’s dick put of his prison-issued jeans. It was unusually long and thick and black.

Martin sucked Abdul’s dick with his wet mouth and massaged it with his hands. It was against prison rules for Abdul to be in Martin’s cell so he pretended to lean against the bars and talking to Martin.

Abdul quickly busted a thick load into Martin’s mouth. Martin got up off his knees and went to the toilet, spat the nutt in the bowl and flushed.

Later Abdul and Martin got merits for good behavior and were able to choose cellmates. Of course they picked each other. For the first time they were able to go all the way.

“Abdul cried the first time I gave him some ass he was so grateful,” Martin said.

They did everything together including running a small drug ring in prison. Since Martin worked the commissary he had more freedom to move about and pick up heroin and coke the guards smuggled in.

But Abdul would get high off the drugs instead of selling them and one time Martin had to have his mother send him $200 to pay back an inside supplier who threatened to shank them.

Their prison relationship lasted four years when Martin was released. Martin has been drug free and out of prison for 20 years but Abdul is still serving time.

They continue to correspond and Martin sends Abdul $20 here and there.

Abdul will be released soon and has asked whether he can stay with Martin till he gets on his feet.

But Martin says he is hesitant to reopen that chapter in his life by rekindling the relationship.

We will see if he gets weak for that big prison dick and relents.

My Five Unfulfilled Fantasies

I have slapped men during sex. Spit on them. Bit their nipples. Pissed on them.
I’ve had sex in an outdoor park. On a bathroom floor. In cars.
Threesomes. Check.
Group sex. Done that.
Bathhouses. Been there so many times I have lost count.
So what have I not done sexually that I fantasize about doing? Here’s my five.

# Tying up my partner or having my partner tie me up and have their way with me. Ideally it would be with velvet rope. The thought of having control or giving up control is very tantalizing to me although I have never done it.

Photo courtesy of

Photo courtesy of



# Having a threesome with a hot woman and man at the same time and fucking them both. My ex Morgan and I discussed it since he had never had a woman but it never happened.

Photo courtesy of

Photo courtesy of

# Having a guy be my maid for the day and clean my house naked. The guy in the photo below would be perfect!

Photo courtesy of Pinterest.

Photo courtesy of Pinterest.


# Having sex with a hot Asian guy. I was once in a threesome with a bottom and an Asian top. Dude was muscular and hot and got me thinking — wow, topping one might be sexy. In fact, one of my favorite porn actors now is Koh Masaki from Japan. Unfortunately he died from peritonitis in 2013. RIP.

My favorite Asian porn star Koh Masaki of Japan. Unfortunately he died last year. Photo courtesy of

My favorite Asian porn star Koh Masaki of Japan. Unfortunately he died last year. Photo courtesy of

# I’ve already got down with one of my favorite porn stars who will remain unnamed. But there is another one on my mind. XL. OMG! Have you seen him? Plus XL just graduated college. There is nothing sexier than an intelligent man.

Porn star XL. He shows passion, gives great foreplay and gives and takes dick like a champ. Photo courtesy of

Porn star XL. He shows passion, gives great foreplay and gives and takes dick like a champ. Photo courtesy of

Question: Readers what are your unfulfilled fantasies? Inquiring minds want to know.

Five Years Later…

Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of

Fall leaves in Hampden, one of my favorite neighborhoods in Baltimore. Photo courtesy of

Wow, I launched this blog five years ago. I hadn’t even thought about it but Fall is here and the cool air, shorter days and leaves beginning to turn gold, and brown, and orange and red make me feel nostalgic and introspective.

What a journey. From married and straight to gay with a partner.

Do I have regrets? Yes. I wish I had more time with my kids. I’m sorry I hurt my ex wife. But things are on the mend. I went to a function a week ago, the birthday of a dear family friend who has supported me in this journey, and my son and daughter were there with me. My daughter and I are cool but my son and I are still a estranged.

That day we were cordial. I walked over to the gaggle of young folks and told my son I was proud of him for finishing trade school and getting a job. He smiled and let me take photos of him and his sister together. I will treasure those photos forever. I’m putting a framed copy on my desk at work.

I feel more hopeful. Time does heal all things. Just be patient. Don’t let funky situations with people or jobs or bills stress you out. Trust in God and go to him with your problems and everything will work out in the way it is supposed to..

Wow, I read back parts of blog. You can tell I like sex, eh? I still do and I’m glad I’m hanging “Van,” a guy who shares my joie de vivre.

He is Aries with Aquarius rising. I am Gemini with Aries rising. We are both a mixture of fire sign and air sign. Air makes fires brighter and hotter. So I hope we can do that for each other. It’s been more than a year and a half and we haven’t killed each other yet.

In five years I have visited my first gay bar. Had numerous fuck-buddies, my first serious crush on a dude (remember Oliver? What was I thinking?), and my first serious relationship with Morgan that failed because ultimately openness and honesty were not there.

What’s ahead? I was recently promoted at work and I’m enjoying the new challenge. I’m enjoying my little row house in the ‘hood in Baltimore. I have a lot of work ahead to get it together. I’m trying to pay off bills because I probably have 10 more years of active work life and I don’t want to be a broke old faggot.

Van and I are talking about joining households. We are trying to work out the details of that. What furniture will go where. Who has a better dining room set. My Mom wants to meet him and his Mom wants to meet me so hopefully around the Holidays that will happen.

Readers, thanks for being on this journey with me. Your comments have encouraged me and me laugh, and smile and sometimes made my eyes wet with emotion.

I want to send a special shout out to Raw Leather Daddy, Luckey Star,Trapped Driven, Cogito, Jamari Fox, Damonjay, Fortune Knowles, Derek Perry, The Blog Artist formerly known as…, Tinsel, Worst_1_Yet, Kahicks, Cool Top, Martin, sc8709, Roger Poladapoulous, Prince, Musique’s Poetry, Rob, Iam Thegayte-keeper, the list goes on and on please forgive me if I missed you.

Some of you guys I have met and hung with, others I have talked with on the phone and yet others I only correspond with through this blog. But know I love you and hope you continue to share a part of this journey with me.

God Bless, Immanuel

The Body Nazis

“Andy” asked to come to one of my and Van’s sex parties and I said, “Sure, no problem.”

“Do you have a door policy?,” he texted.


“I mean do you only let in muscular or in-shape guys?”

“No man,” I texted back. “Van and I let in all types because there is something for everybody.”

Andy showed up. He was a tall, slightly heavy, dark-skinned bottom. About 220 pounds. His underwear was not particularly sexy and his looks were average.

But homeboy turned the party out. Within 20 minutes Andy was on his knees sucking dick and he gave the best blow-job I have had in awhile (you know I had to sample). He even pulled out some oil and gave guys massages, which turned him on I heard.

“Man I think I’m falling in love,” one of my friend’s said while Andy was on his knees eating and slurping on his uncut, red dick like a fried chicken leg from Popeyes. “Can I marry you?”

Andy sent Van and I a kind thank-you note on Adam4Adam a week after the party, thanking us for letting him in. He said at many parties the “Body Nazis”  at the door turn him away because he doesn’t have the “look.” He is not muscular, or handsome, or light skinned, or have six-pack abs or a nine-inch peter.

Sometimes I really feel for heavier gay men who are judged more for their appearance. Photo courtesy of

Sometimes I really feel for heavier gay men who are judged more for their appearance. Photo courtesy of

Now that I am having sex parties I am running into this Body Nazi attitude a lot, but from guests. The things people say — and I mean mature, middle aged black gay men — astound me with their insensitivity, meanness, selfishness, and egotism.

For instance there is a bottom who moved here from the South for a job. He is brown-skinned and handsome but not really all that.

But when I invited him to the party he insisted all the guests be tall, in-shape, with good size dicks or he wasn’t coming. I replied, “Well, thanks for asking but I guess we won’t be seeing you.”

“Good, I don’t want to hang around a bunch of fat, nasty, stinky niggers anyway.”

I was stunned. I fucked this dude one time and he was forever sweating me to come back. I took what he said personally because he insulted some of my friends who come to my parties without even meeting them. Some of them are heavy or have bellies. But trust and believe they can throw some good sex.

“So I’m fat and nasty now?” I responded.

“Nah baby, sorry. I want another one-on-one with you. Just us two in bed for a few hours.”

I will NEVER fuck him again.

Van and my parties are becoming popular — I mean folks call and text to say thanks for hosting such a welcoming and nice party. One of them was this muscular versatile dude who I heard busted a nutt six times in one night! And he was getting fucked by dudes who were no way near as buff as him, so obviously he wasn’t a Body Nazi.

I have to be absolutely honest. I do not like morbidly obese men. Give me a sexy football player dude weighing about two fifty and a little belly and we can roll. Still this Body Nazism among gay men troubles me. I mean it’s so superficial. There is more to a man than his looks or dick size.

But everywhere you look — in gay newspapers, magazines, pornography etc., blogs etc. this same image is pushed at us. A 20-something gay man with no body fat and abs and a nice package in his underwear. Very few people aged 25 and older look like that! It’s a fantasy.

Most of the men I roll with are grown and fully established in their careers. Don’t you think by now they would realize that and stop judging people for the way God made them?