How Tommie and David have stayed together for almost 50 Years

This is Tommie today. Told you he was hot.

This is Tommie today. Told you he was hot.

Tommie was just a 17-year-old black kid growing up in Galveston, Texas when he met David in a cruisy public bathroom near the beach one summer day in 1968.

David, who was white and 33 years old, was home visiting his parents. Tommie and David were so struck with each they were rarely separated during David’s two-week visit.

“You can meet good people in some of the lowest places,” Tommie said with a chuckle.

After Tommie graduated high school he ended up attending college in Washington, D.C. where he could be with David. They have been together for 46 years and were officially married last July in Rockville in Maryland, one of a dozen or so states where gay marriage is legal. They split their time between Maryland and Texas.

What is the secret to their long relationship?

Tommie said as the 1970s came their relationship developed into an open one. Theyย  played sexually with others together and apart.

In fact, back in the day David would rent a beach house in Rehoboth, Delaware, which is still a very gay-friendly resort town, and have orgies by the beach.Tommie was also bisexual and was fucking women and playing with men.

Tommie says gay men should not model their relationships on straight couples and straight society, which stresses monogamy. Men are sexual, and gay partners should give each other the freedom to express it.

And the straight monogamous model isn’t working and probably never has, he said. Just watch an episode of “Jerry Springer” or “Maury,” Tommy said.

Every gay couple Tommie knows who tried to enforce monogamy on each other ended up breaking up over jealousy or cheating, he said. Tommie said most of these relationships would have probably survived if the partners had negotiated open relationships.

David is confined to a wheelchair and is almost 80 but still enjoys watching Tommie get fucked. And believe me Tommie is very attractive for a 63-year-old.

“David and I knew we loved sex and we knew we loved each other,” Tommie said. “And we never confused love and sex.”

I interviewed Tommie by phone. Tommie and David are the real first names of the couple but they did not wish to use their last names.

33 thoughts on “How Tommie and David have stayed together for almost 50 Years

  1. Immanuel, I like your blog. It educates, it causes though and dialogue. Tommy and David did not start their relationship smack dab in the middle of an AIDS epidemic. So many people are walking around not even aware that they are carrying the virus (HIV) or some other STD. Someone you might have been with might have had an STD and shared it one of your last sexual get-togethers. Open relationships simply gives those in them more sexual options, along with the option to contract something they did not plan or desire to contract.

    • Tommy and David might not have started their relationship in the middle of the epidemic but they had an open relationship during the epidemic and continue to do so today as elderly people.

      If you are in an open relationship condoms are a must, not an option, to prevent transmission of HIV. You also need to be regularly tested for things you can get even with a condom.

      That’s just common sense. And it’s up to individual couples to work out the terms and conditions of the arrangement if they choose an open relationship, including how to manage STD risk.

  2. Immanuel, please keep writing!
    I beseech you not to deny the World the beauty,joy and wisdom of your words. These articles, though they may oftentimes be tantalisingly freaky and very hot, are also educating,enlightening,stimulating and thoroughly thought provoking.Speaking for myself, I find them quite rousing in the way you handle issues that are germane and pertinent to me as a gay man. I live vicariously through you Immanuel and all your escapades and mischief you get up to. Great piece as always, Mr Adams!!

  3. “Open relationship” is not the answer. Simple and short. When you truly and passionately love someone, the last thing you’d want to do is let strangers share his body with you. Their relationship ended way back before they even realized it. Their “arranged sexual friendship” may have been one of the exceptions, which survived the 80s epidemic and a nasty breakup! Good for them.

    • Tinsel Van and I had a discussion about your comment. We were wondering how old you were, if you are currently in a relationship and how many serious relationships have you had. We are assuming you are much younger than us and may not have had too many experiences. But we could be wrong and it’s not good to make assumptions.

  4. God bless Tommie and Dave. Wise men (who may have been using condoms or practicing other forms of safe sex for all we know.)

  5. Wow!!! Immanuel you were so on point. daddy. Tommy is one hot man, that is for sure, man! I could get lost in those languid eyes!!

  6. I have a feeling this is going to be a long one, so settle down and listen up.

    Now first Tinsel…now I know this isn’t your first time here, I’ve seen you comment before, so why are you and your boy, Gimmewhatugot, acting all brand new. Immanuel is all about that big love, open relationship, love you while I screward that one over there type of love. He feels like open relationships is the best (only) way to be and reinforcing that message, i.e. this post. But you know this already. He was married for a number of years, and that has given him a different view on relationships, besides the obvious that he don’t want couchie anymore. He is all about being honest with himself as well as with his partner, that we desires others. You don’t know these people, you read a little synopsis of their relationship, so how can you say it ended before they realize it. I think if it has been 40 almost 50 years, then it has been more than sex and a friendship. There must be some strong love there, beyond sex. Wake up, sir!

    Now for you, my dear Immanuel…hmm. Now for someone who I feel is about writing your own rules for your relationship, and doing what feels right to you. You come off as kinda cynical at, to those who choose for their love to be monagamous. Your response was basically, oh you must be young, like if someone is pro monagamy and just about a one on one relationship, then they must be young, naive, and ignorant to the world and relationships. Well my dear good man, they’re many old heads, like yourself who believe in they want a faithful committed relationship, even at 40 or 50 years old. Just because he feels like you can’t have a true blue relationship, if it’s open, does many he is inexperienced or young. He is not alone in his beliefs. Immanuel sometimes it does come off, like you feel that two men can’t Keith Sweat it out…a.k.a make it last forever, unless they have a sporgasboard of dick at their disposal.

    Like you said Immanuel, not one size fits all in relationships. What is good for you and yours, might not be for someone else and theirs. For every Tommy and David, there is a Raheem and Pookie who have been committed for 45 years as well. It is all about being like minded on the end game of your life together. The great philosopher, Chris Rock once said a Christian and a drug addict isn’t going to work, but two crackheads can make it forever. Not all monogamous relationships last, and not all open relationships either. It’s all about the two in it. Relationships are hard either way. Sometimes over the course of the relationship, one or both might change what they want out of it, sometimes they don’t. Obviously Tommy and David, stayed like minded.

    In conclusion you are both are wrong…or right depends on how you look at it. It’s a glass half full/ half empty type of thing to me. What both Tinsel and Immanuel need to realize is that Yours Truly right here is right.
    *Drops mike and exits stage left*

    • Ummm, Blog Artist you need to come back on the stage for an encore.

      I have NEVER said an open relationship is the only way. Some of my comments have said committed relationships work for some people and not for others. I can only write about what I see and experience. I’ve also cited recent studies about the prevalence of open relations among gay males, including a 2010 San Francisco Bay State University study and a 2013 study that said men in more open relationships appear to be happier and less depressed, although more prone to drug use which might explain the happiness. I asked for Tinsel’s age because a recent survey indicates younger gay men are more willing to look for a committed, long term relationship. The reason why? They have grown up in a generation where gay marriage has become a reality so they want the white picket fence, 2.5 kids, two-car garage and Golden Retriever that straight couples have long taken for granted. To read more about that go here: That article also says older gay men, especially those who have had several relationships, are more open to open relationships because they have been-there-done-that and realized sex isn’t all there is to a successful relationship. Okay, you can leave the stage again. And thanks for your comment — thoughtful as usual. I really enjoy reading them.

      • *Begrudgingly enters back on to the stage*

        Okay after rereading my previous comment, after much thought and reconsideration; I have come to a conclusion that, well…that I was right…or perhaps not wrong? Once again its one of those glass half full/ half empty type of things, depends on how you look at it.

        Look I needed a second angle at what Tinsel and Gimmewhatugot believed in, and you represent that other point of view. Alright?

        I will say this…I was wrong in using “only”…even though it was in parenthesis, not every joke lands or can be read accurately through words. I was careful in my other language when talking about you.
        I personally feel that your current journey, that your truth for you right now is open relationship. I personally don’t think I am wrong saying, you do have a certain undertone, that you feel openness is…
        You know every way I tried to finish that sentence, didn’t seem right, so I’m just going to leave it hanging for now.

        I feel your studies and surveys just back what I was saying even this one you just posted. I now understand where you were coming from when you asked about TInsel’s age, but I don’t think that monogamous views is all completely brand new to the gay community, just because in recent years , young gays have grown up in new legalize and accepted gay marriage world. I’m sure some always wanted to express their fidelity and monogamy for another man, but couldn’t through the eyes of society and the law. I get where you and that article was coming from.

        The one thing I’m confused about is your last part of the comment, how is an open relationship proving there is more to a relationship than just sex? Educate me on that.

        Once again I think I was on point with my portrayal of you and your current journey and views you express, which is cool, because this is your blog. Only thin was “only” was a poor choice in a word.

        *Turns to walk away*

        *Turns back around drops…
        *Exit stage left again*

      • Oh no you didn’t drop those earlier blogs and leave the stage! LOL!

        Well, we are just going to have to agree to…well…agree. You have your viepoint and I have mine.

        Have a great day!!! And don’t read nobody for blood!

      • Immanuel you going to let him drop those post and just walk away. Now that was me you would have beat me up with the open relationship book theory across my head and everything. I am jealous. Lol

    • The blog artist do you have a blog too

      And immanuel kiss on cheek but I don’t want to hear that your ass be fucking for three hours a day. Just pumping and humping. Your ass ain’t tired lol. I better get the same treatment as the others. ๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚๐Ÿ˜‚

  7. When I was young I thought open relationships were gross and signs of failure. My longest relationship was a year and a half and I was monogamous that whole time (he, alas, was not). I’ve been with my current partner for a decade and a half, and we were monogamous for four years, two of them totally sexless, and here I am, a big dirty whore in an open relationship fucking everyone I can but reserving my heart for him. Good sex with others only makes me feel like I love my partner more, makes me even happier to be with him– it makes no sense but it is true. We are devoted to each other in ways that count for us and have had to take care of each other and sacrifice for each other in much deeper ways that just friends do. And I love sleeping with him and him alone every night– that is sacred for us.

    People find ways to stay together if they love each other. People have honestly told me my partner and I should have broken up a decade ago if we weren’t sexually compatible. I would not crow about our relationship saying it’s “about more than sex”, or “more evolved,” to insult monogamous people. But imagine being told you should have left the most important person in your life long ago because of your dick, and not experienced everything we have!

    It’s perfectly OK for people to completely have no understanding of how others make their lives work. I wouldn’t even have understood my own, current life when I was 23. But being open to what life gives you, and caring about what happens to you and those you love, is the road to wisdomโ€ฆ not being right about everything you survey and evaluate.

  8. That’s beautiful. Me and my man had to take a break because of distance. I’m so afraid of losing him because of this. I hope we make it that far

  9. I’m learning and agree we as gay men have insatiable appetites for sex.
    I tried to hold on to a man, and things went downhill, we decided to be friends and occasionally still meet up and do our thing.

  10. When I read this tittle I knew from the rip they had a open relationship. Itโ€™s so predictable. I rather be single. I think gay men put a tittle just to feel normal. I rather stay single because I donโ€™t want another man to feel like he got the same Benefits as me. Like thatโ€™s your man but I can get sex from him. I can be intimate with your man. I can have threesomes with other men and your man.

    I donโ€™t mind if we on vacation and we grab something togeather but other then that Iโ€™m good.

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