7 Pickup Lines Guys Use on Online Hookup Sites that Turn Me Off


Dudes can say some dumb shit when trying to pick up ass or dick online. Photo courtesy of musemagonline.com.

Dudes can say some dumb shit when trying to pick up ass or dick online. Photo courtesy of musemagonline.com.

1. “What are you into?”

What I answer when they ask this: “My profile says top! Did you read it? Tops like to fuck ass. Duh!”

2. “Come fuck this phat ass!” (Usually uttered by 5’4″, 300-pound bottoms)

What I’m thinking when they write this: “I don’t feel like climbing up on that Mt. Everest of fat. Damn!”

3. “I’m here on business and in my hotel room and bored and really horny.”

What I’m thinking when they write this: “So I’m supposed to just drop everything and run over because you are visiting Baltimore and need entertainment?”

4. “White bottom here.” (Usually written by older, out-of-shape white men)

What I’m thinking when I read this: “Like just because you are white I’m supposed to run over there and fuck you?”

5. “That’s a big dick there! Can I have it?”

What I’m thinking when I read  this: “Uhhh, that’s obvious. I said it was 9.5 inches in the profile. Can you say something more original? And just because you want a big dick doesn’t mean you are going to get mine.”

See this black guy laughing. That's how I look reading the bullshit guys post. Photo courtesy of musedmagonline.com.

See this black guy laughing. That’s how I look reading the bullshit guys post. Photo courtesy of musedmagonline.com.

6. “I want that dick raw.”

What I’m thinking when I read this: “Hell naw! I’m not trying to order syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia and herpes with a side order of piping hot gonorrhea.”

7. “I’m a married guy just looking for a regular fuck buddy.”

What I’m thinking when I read that: “So I’m supposed to sit around and wait for when your DL ass is free to get some dick! Keep that shit moving and go to a bathhouse.”

 

 

Q: Readers, are there pick-up lines you hate?