It seems like every gay couple I know, even ones who are married or in long-term relationships, play with others. So should we change our definition of a committed relationship? Photo courtesy of 37degreeriffs.com.
Some of my friends say I am intuitive or possibly psychic. You probably didn’t know it but I read palms. And I’m very accurate.
So after I fucked “West” on a day off from work last week I got this feeling of absolute knowing about him. And no, it wasn’t butterflies in my stomach from the lovemaking, which was serviceable but nothing to write home about.
“Where is your lover,” I asked.
West, a slender brown-skinned, middle-aged guy with shaved head and a 10-inch uncut dick that had swung between his legs as I pounded him doggy style, looked surprised and paused a moment before he spoke.
“Do you want a story or the whole truth.”
“The full truth.”
And then he told me. He has been in a relationship for 10 years. They married about three years ago. He and his husband have a mortgage, a dog, a nice bank account, and three adorable adopted children all under age 12.
West loves his man to death and would never leave him. They click on so many levels and look out for each other. But in the bedroom things are just so-so.
“He is a white man in a black man’s body,” West said. “No rhythm in his fucking.”
So when West, who often tops, wants a good fuck-down he looks outside of his relationship and lines up dick on the sly. Which isn’t difficult because his job requires him to work at different sites around the state.
“I like what I like,” he said without a trace of guilt.
West’s solution to his relationship’s shortcomings is not unusual in the gay world. I know so many committed, long-term relationships where the partners have sex with other people.
Sometimes the other partner doesn’t know or sometimes the two work out an arrangement. And sometimes each sides knows but don’t talk about it, kind of like a “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” rule.
This sex outside of a relationship thing is so common I think every gay couple in the DMV is doing it.
It’s gotten so bad I have a friend who has fucked two men in a relationship separately.
The partners don’t know they are having sex with the same outside squeeze. In fact, they all socialize with each other. I would love to be at a cocktail party with all three and watch the maneuvering.
Yesterday “Van,” the man I date, and I were at Home Depot in Glen Burnie. This interracial gay couple was there. They had their daughter with them, a cute little mixed race girl with brown ringlets.
They looked like the epitome of a modern gay family but appearances can be deceiving. They are not the Cosby’s.
“You know Van, those guys have a profile on line. The white guy is a top and likes to see the black guy get fucked. But the black dude is not averse to getting dick on the side without his man.”
How do I know this? They have both hit me up online. Separately.
It seems this open relationship thing works. As I have written before, San Francisco State University surveyed 556 gay male couples and found half had sex outside of the relationship with the knowledge of their partner.
So, I guess what I’m trying to say in this blog is monogamy just might not work in the gay world for most people and we need to change the definition of what a relationship truly is.
I mean, we are men and men like sex and the thrill of hunting down and getting something new. So why not have your cake and eat it, too, as long as everybody plays safely and you give your relationship the priority?