Sexual Imprinting


Beaver (actor Jerry Mathers) and his dad Ward Cleaver (Hugh Beaumont).

While out in Los Angeles earlier this month I caught up with my screenwriter buddy “Drake” at my usual hangout the 24 diner on Santa Monica.

Drake grew up in the hood in Oakland, was a hip hop dancer for rap artists back in the day, and can debate any black issue of the day, including the police murder of Michael Brown in Ferguson.

Despite his black consciousness Drake has had a white lover going on 20 years. And by white I mean middle American, straight-laced, Perry Como-looking white.

They get along well and are deeply committed but when you see them together you think “How the fuck did those two get together?”

But Drake says “Michael” is his type. The fatherly white type.

It seems when Drake was growing up he was hooked on shows like “My Three Sons,” “Leave it to Beaver,” and “The Brady Bunch.”

And as a young budding gay lad he found himself attracted to the white Daddys he saw on the family TV.

“Hey, I like what I like,” he says without a trace of shame or guilt.

I’m just a few years older and watched the same shows. But hell I would do John Amos from “Good Times” or Clifton Davis From “That’s My Momma” before Mr. Cleaver, the father of Beaver.

Q: Readers do you think the men you saw on TV or comics in your youth influenced your taste in men?

Red Drawers

I had to go to Los Angeles on business last week and took “Van.” The night before leaving I was lounging in his bed in my red boxer briefs and he took this sneak shot.


Wow I'm more hairy than I thought.

How to Have a Sex Party for Pleasure and Profit

“Van,” the guy I date, has been to bathhouses but never a sex party. So for his birthday a few months ago I held a sex party at my place in Baltimore.

I text messaged some of our freakier friends and put an advertisement on Adam4Adam. To my surprise 30 guys descended on my row house, sucking and fucking all over my three bedrooms.

We had folks come from as far as Wilmington, Philadelphia and Richmond and had to kick the last guests out after the sun rose. Everybody seemed to have a great time, especially the guest of honor Van.

“That was fun but you know Van, if we had charged $10 a piece, we would have made $300 last night,” I said. “I could have really taken you out for a nice dinner today.”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

And Van looked at me. And I looked at him. And a light bulb went off in my head.

“You know, we should have sex parties to make some extra money,” I said.

The key to a great sex party is to create a sexy vibe and make  your guests feel comfortable. Photo courtesy of

The key to a great sex party is to create a sexy vibe and make your guests feel comfortable. Photo courtesy of

“Hey, I will help you out,” said Van, who is always good, game and ready to go.

And that’s how it started. Van and I have had about five parties. We have made about $200 to $250 in profit on each one — not a great deal of money but some nice walking around cash for the weekend.

Here’s our 7 rules for how to have a  good one:

KNOW YOUR MARKET: Look on Adam4Adam or Craigslist to see who is having parties and where. In Baltimore several young guys in their 20s have parties and there is this guy who has a warehouse space who charges $25 for a party. So I targeted my parties to the 30 and up crowd. And I charged $10 to make my parties more affordable, undercutting my competitor at the warehouse who has a great space but rarely gets many men because his price is too expensive. There is also a friendly African guy who has parties in Baltimore or D.C. mostly on Monday or Friday nights. I know him and try to have parties on nights when he doesn’t have them. In fact, he has sent some of his regulars to my party when he is not having one in the area.

ADVERTISING IS FREE: I posts ads on Adam4Adam and Craigslist at no cost. I also have a pretty extensive lists of contacts on my cellphone and I use them. But the best advertising is word of mouth. If folks have a good time at your party they will come back and maybe bring a friend the next time.

PROVIDE THE BASICS: For every party I buy a bottle of mid-shelf vodka and rum and sometimes wine if I have it plus ice, cranberry juice, Coca Cola, some chips and dip, breath mints or gum and some fruit like grapes or sliced oranges. Buy several bottles of inexpensive lube. Van and I also pick up handfuls of free condoms at gay bars, clinics or gay-friendly stores and use these for parties. Try to keep your supply costs around $50 and remember once the liquor runs out tough luck for guests who come late. You are not trying to get folks drunk, just loosened up socially.

Younger men are cute but you need a good mix of ages and body types to make a good party because different things appeal to different people. Photo courtesy of

Younger men are cute but you need a good mix of ages and body types to make a good party because different things appeal to different people. Photo courtesy of

MAKE THE ATMOSPHERE SEXY AND INVITING: I set up two upstairs bedrooms and a room in my basement as sex rooms, complete with dim, electric candles and clean sheets. Van and I play porn in a third upstairs bedroom which is set up as a sitting room. Guests can go there to jack off and relax or even freak if they want. Another area of the basement is set aside for people who want to smoke cigarettes or weed or just relax and of course the main floor living and dining room are open to guests who want to chat or listen to house music that I stream from my computer through speakers.

MAKE GUESTS FEEL AT HOME: Van and I greet each guest personally at the door, take their clothes, fix them the first drink, and give them the rules of the house. We also welcome people of all body types. Folks seem to appreciate this and say we are consummate hosts.

GIVE OUT ONLY BASIC INFORMATION: When folks try to get an invite to your party be brief and to the point. Give the address, the price and whether condoms and lube will be provided. Don’t waste your time on dudes who ask how many folks are there, how many tops and bottoms do you expect etc. These dudes are the ones who never show anyway. Plus I have discovered there are guys who get off on talking about what happens at sex parties. My answer is always, “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. If you want to find out come to the party and bring your $10.”

KEEP THE KIDS AWAY: Young gay guys can be cute and have great bodies but when it comes to sex parties I try to keep as many under-30 people out as I can unless I personally know them. The reason why is that some younger guys come to sex parties to stand around and gawk or try to find their next boyfriend or Sugar Daddy. Another irritating thing I notice is that some younger men like to get high on weed or stronger stuff like methamphetamine to get in a party mood or they practice unsafe sex. Van and I try to promote safe sex practices by putting condoms around the house. We also advertise our parties as the grown and sexy set that is coming to freak, make a few new friends and go home.



Never Shit Where You Eat

rentsignI warned my friend. I told him.

But “Zee” did it anyway. He started fucking around with that hot, young light-skinned man who rented an apartment in one of the properties Zee owns.

“You shouldn’t mix business and pleasure, Zee,” I warned. “Never shit where you eat.”

“Nah, it’s cool. I can handle it,” Zee said.

Zee is middle-aged but still attractive. He has a well-paying job, family that loves to be around him, and travels and stays involved in various activities. In other words, he should not be desperate for some ass.

But this young man “Jamal” was friends with some friends of his, who were fucking that muscular bubble ass, getting their dicks sucked by Jamal’s luscious lips and sucking on Jamal’s thick red dick.

So Zee wanted to have what everybody else had. Ain’t that the way we men are?

So Zee would make excuses to go over to his rental property and would knock on Jamal’s door for one reason or the other and Jamal would answer in his underwear and…well the two men started doing what comes naturally.

It wasn’t long after the sexual antics began that Jamal began telling Zee he was $200 short on his rent here or $300 short there. And being like 15 days late paying when he did pay all the rent at the same time.

“I told you this would happen Zee. And you really can’t do shit because if you take him to landlord court he will claim you had a relationship and you gave him a cut on the rent in exchange for sexual favors.”

“Nah Immanuel. He can’t do that. He has a job at the courthouse and can’t get caught up in some faggetty drama like that.”

“Well Zee you know you are paying him for sex. Because every time he is short on the rent or paying late you have to pay that mortgage.”

“Yeah, you are right,” Zee said looking sheepish and embarrassed. But he kept hitting that shit anyway.

Things came to a head this week. Jamal  had disappeared and was almost two months late on the rent. Zee finally caught up with him and Jamal said he is moving back home to his parents by the end of August. He says nothing about catching up on July or August rent.

He left the apartment a cluttered mess, filled with old furniture and piles of paper and clothes.

This is how Jamal left the apartment.

This is how Jamal left the apartment.

And another photo.

And another photo.

Zee is lucky. Under Maryland law Jamal could have sat in his place for four months free without being evicted.

“Just be nice to him and get him out of there as soon as possible so you can rent it out,” I said.

But do you think Zee learned anything. He asked me whether he should still try to keep in contact with Jamal and get sex after he leaves.

I burn with anger. Zee is a good friend. I don’t like seeing him taken advantage by this young irresponsible trick. If I see Jamal in the streets or at the club I promise myself I will cuss him out or threaten to smack the fuck out of him if he says some shit.

“Don’t you get it Zee? Jamal was not your friend. He was using you. Let it go.”

And we change the subject and talk about something else.

My First Online Video

My first online clip. That ass was good and the bottom was letting me know I was making him feel good too.

My first online clip. That ass was good and the bottom was letting me know I was making him feel good too.

Okay, I’ve been curious about doing a video for a long time so decided to take the plunge and post on

Here is the back story. This 30-something bottom I have kicked it with in the past asked to come by before he had to go to work. I was off that day.

He said he just wanted to suck my dick. But it got a bit more intense than that.

Here’s a link to the clip. It’s only a minute and a half. Enjoy.


Gay Relationships: Is everybody having their cake and eating it too?

It seems like every gay couple I know, even ones who are married or in long-term relationships, play with others. So should we change our definition of a committed relationship?

It seems like every gay couple I know, even ones who are married or in long-term relationships, play with others. So should we change our definition of a committed relationship? Photo courtesy of

Some of my friends say I am intuitive or possibly psychic. You probably didn’t know it but I read palms. And I’m very accurate.

So after I fucked “West” on a day off from work last week I got this feeling of absolute knowing about him. And no, it wasn’t butterflies in my stomach from the lovemaking, which was serviceable but nothing to write home about.

“Where is your lover,” I asked.

West, a slender brown-skinned, middle-aged guy with shaved head and a 10-inch uncut dick that had swung between his legs as I pounded him doggy style, looked surprised and paused a moment before he spoke.

“Do you want a story or the whole truth.”

“The full truth.”

And then he told me. He has been in a relationship for 10 years. They married about three years ago. He and his husband have a mortgage, a dog, a nice bank account, and three adorable adopted children all under age 12.

West loves his man to death and would never leave him. They click on so many levels and look out for each other. But in the bedroom things are just so-so.

“He is a white man in a black man’s body,” West said. “No rhythm in his fucking.”

So when West, who often tops, wants a good fuck-down he looks outside of his relationship and lines up dick on the sly. Which isn’t difficult because his job requires him to work at different sites around the state.

“I like what I like,” he said without a trace of guilt.

West’s solution to his relationship’s shortcomings is not unusual in the gay world. I know so many committed, long-term relationships where the partners have sex with other people.

Sometimes the other partner doesn’t know or sometimes the two work out an arrangement. And sometimes each sides knows but don’t talk about it, kind of like a “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas” rule.

This sex outside of a relationship thing is so common I think every gay couple in the DMV is doing it.

It’s gotten so bad I have a friend who has fucked two men in a relationship separately.

The  partners don’t know they are having sex with the same outside squeeze. In fact, they all socialize with each other. I would love to be at a cocktail party with all three and watch the maneuvering.

Yesterday “Van,” the man I date, and I were at Home Depot in Glen Burnie. This interracial gay couple was there. They had their daughter with them, a cute little mixed race girl with brown ringlets.

They looked like the epitome of a modern gay family but appearances can be deceiving. They are not the Cosby’s.

“You know Van, those guys have a profile on line. The white guy is a top and likes to see the black guy get fucked. But the black dude is not averse to getting dick on the side without his man.”

How do I know this? They have both hit me up online. Separately.

It seems this open relationship thing works. As I have written before, San Francisco State University surveyed 556 gay male couples and found half had sex outside of the relationship with the knowledge of their partner.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say in this blog is monogamy just might not work in the gay world for most people and we need to change the definition of what a relationship truly is.

I mean, we are men and men like sex and the thrill of hunting down and getting something new. So why not have your cake and eat it, too, as long as everybody plays safely and you give your relationship the priority?