I’m Negative

A mobile HIV van like the one I visited. Photo courtesy of nola.com.

A mobile HIV van like the one I visited. Photo courtesy of nola.com.

I had the guy I date “Van” and a few friends over for a small cookout Sunday afternoon. After our friends left I was a bit restless.

So I went Adam4Adam and an organization hit me up for a free HIV testing. They were in a mobile van less than two miles away.

What the heck? I got tested last fall but it’s good to have them done every six months.

“Van do you mind going with me? You can hold my hands until the test results come in.”

“Sure, why not although I”m sure you are negative.”

Finding parking on the streets of Baltimore’s Federal Hill neighborhood was a bitch but we finally landed one three blocks away.

I went into the white van while Van waited. A young, biracial woman with curly brown hair and skin as smooth as vanilla pudding did the testing.

She pricked my finger, pulled blood up in a pipette, and inserted it into an instrument used to test my blood for HIV. She tried to make small talk, talking about how young I looked for my age, her quest to get into medical school and her love for California but  you could tell she was nervous.

I guess because I came from a population group most likely to be positive. Black. Male. Gay. Urban.

In 10 minutes the time was up. I looked over and there was a red line across the top of the test strip. “You are negative,” she announced.

I thought I was negative but in the back of your head you never know. One time a few week ago I slipped my dick up into a dude raw and thrusted a dozen times to see how it felt but I stopped and put on the condom.

Maybe that one time could have been the time I got it…

“What if I had been positive, what would you have done?”

“Well, usually people who come have an idea they are already positive,” she began, that cheery but nervous smile still on her face.

“But if they are positive I try to keep them calm and say as little as possible. Because no matter what you say they really aren’t listening to you after telling them something like that.”

10 thoughts on “I’m Negative

  1. Hey Immanuel, good for you that your test results came back negative. I got tested for hiv for the second time in just a few days and my results came back negative. I had unprotected sex a few weeks ago and contracted ‘the drip’ aka gonnarhea. I developed symptoms a few days after the encounter. I had condoms, but i had a couple of drinks and didnt used them. I m waiting for the results of the syphillis and clymidia testing. I was initially too embarassed to go to the local free clinic, so i went to my lgbt community center a few days ago for testing, but i missed the time limit for the std screening. My hiv results came back negative. I still had to go to the free clinic for the std screening. My lesson is, no raw ass is worth the pain, embarrasment and possibly taking meds for life. Ill just use my imagination and/or just keep watch

    • Don’t you know it. I have dated several positive men, a relationship called serodiscordant. I see the regimens poz dudes have to do to stay healthy. They have to eat right, take meds on time, and try to exercise and stay as stress free as possible. Not sure I could keep up with that.

  2. “One time a few week ago I slipped my dick up into a dude raw and thrusted a dozen times to see how it felt but I stopped and put on the condom.” Don’t do that again. It’s not worth it. If you want raw sex, get into a relationship and consider PrEP.

    Do you know what PrEP is? Do you know what PEP is? After the raw sex, you should have had PEP.

    • Dean, I’ve heard passingly of PrEP and PEP. I hear they are expensive but I will Google and learn more.

      Thanks for the suggestion and for reading the blog.


      • Immanuel, yes you should look up PrEP nad PEP and discuss them with your doctor. Essentially PrEP is Pre-Exposure Prohalaxis and is a pill that you take every day (Truvada, I think) that protects you from HIV infection should you be exposed to the HIV virus. Generally, it is recommended for those in relationships with those who are HIV-poz. With PrEP is it still recommended that you use a condom. For PEP, I suggest that you contact the manufacturer. I heard that it has or had programs for Black gay men/gay men for free provision of it for a period of time.

        PEP is Post Exposure Prophalaxis. If you are exposed to the HIV-virus or potentially exposed to the HIV virus, you take this for 28 days and it will prevent your contracting the virus. You have to start taking the pills within 72 hours of your exposure/potential exposure. And you can start treatment at an emergency room or an STD clinic–generally.

        I had a friend that was potentially exposed to HIV. The condom broke. So he went to the HIV clinic and they gave him a day or two of the PEP pills (they are similar or the same pill that HIV-poz people take) and they gave him a prescription for the other 28 days of the treatment. He filled the prescription and it cost him about $700 but he didn’t come down as HIV-poz and he’s happy that he didn’t gamble on not contracting the virus. And for some the health insurance will take care of the cost of the PEP pills.

        As a sexually active man, you should know about PEP and PrEP. And since you are a sexually active black man, you should consider and discuss PEP and PrEP with your health care provider/those at the HIV clinic.They may be expensive but they are cheaper than being HIV-positive. As you know, being HIV positive takes on average 10 years of the life expectancy.

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