Troubles


A father appears in court in Florida with a son charged with school bus beating. I can relate. My son is going to be in court a few times this year. Photo courtesy of FoxNew.com.

A father appears in court in Florida with a son charged with school bus beating. I can relate. My son is going to be in court a few times this year. Photo courtesy of FoxNew.com.

I’ve come a long way in the five years since I launched this blog.

From married and on the down-low to divorced and navigating a new life. I have  cool but hectic job, a little rowhouse with a front porch and garden in Baltimore, an active social life, and I thoroughly feel good about myself.

But my son’s life is not going so well. He keeps getting arrested for weed possession, and had a court date last week.  Last Labor Day weekend, when I dropped off my daughter after a weekend road trip, he came out and assaulted me.

Rather than whip his ass, which I could have done, I called the police and filed charges. I want to teach him you can’t put his hands on me or anyone. That trial is in April.

I have already told the state attorney prosecuting the case my family situation. We will use the assault trial to get my son into mandatory anger management and drug treatment classes.

My ex-wife blames my son’s issues — dropping out of college, heavy weed use, shiftessness — on my leaving the marriage and being gay. She has gained 20 pounds and friends tell me she blames her depression and weight gain on me, too.

Constant guilt trip from her. Shit when we were married I tried to get her into a gym routine with me but she was too lazy.

Fortunately I have good family and friends who constantly tell me I am a good father and my son is fucking up because he likes to get high and has a mother who will let him scapegoat me instead of working with her ex-husband to help her son.

My daughter is mad cool, is accepting of my new lifestyle, hangs out with me, and regularly makes a 3.5-grade point average. I know her life at home with her brother and mother is not good — my daughter has said when my son doesn’t get high he is a holy terror, punching holes in the wall and constantly bickering.

That my son controls my wife, who threatens to throw him out but always yields and lets him stay and keep fucking up.

So I have filed to get partial or full custody of  baby girl, because I have to get her out of that. The guy I date “Van”and my mother are very supportive of this move.

A friend of mine joked, “You won’t be able to get as much sex if your daughter lives with you.”

“Man, are you kidding,” I answered. “My children are worth a thousand times more than sex.”

Readers please send positive thoughts and prayers and advice my way as I work through this.

28 thoughts on “Troubles

  1. Hey Immanuel,

    I’m currently in love with a man who was formerly married and has two children, boys. He didn’t have the greatest relationship with his father and kills himself to make sure they have everything they need and want. As luck would have it, he has an easy going kid and materialistic one. They live in Detroit and he lives here in Atlanta. He struggles with the distance, but had to make the move to have a better life for himself, both professional and personal.

    I said that to say, like you he made the choice to come out because it was the best choice for him. He had lived a long time being unhappy, but he is a great father! Like you, his family and children are more important than anything. He’s not yet out to his boys, another thing he struggles with, but I told him in his own time and he’ll know when.

    I think you both are admirable men. One of the reasons I fell for this guy is because he has characteristics that remind me of my father. Not to be clichéd, but I want a man in my life like my dad.

    Like you family and friends, I want to echo that your a good father. One because you’re present and honest. It makes a world of difference. The choices your son are making are his. Continue to love him fiercely! One day he will realize how blessed he is to have a father so willing to sacrifice his own happiness for his son’s success in this world!

    Phillip C. Holley II

    >

    • Wow I just posted and you commented. And a wonderful comment it was. It is nice to know there are other fathers going through this. All the best to your and your man. I know it helps him to have a supportive person like you in his life.

  2. I am praying for you and your family. Your ex-wife is trying to make you the scapegoat…don’t fall for it. Hang in there, continue to love your kids. Be encouraged!!

  3. Every child has his/her own personality/individuality. Do your best as you are and let The Almighty Lord do the rest. Even if you were straight and still married, your son’s individuality would shine out! Great job always!!

  4. Immanuel, take heart bruh and keep the faith. You have done the best you can under the circumstances and better yet have not given up and abandoned your children. You continue to be a present and available father,which is tonnes more than other men in ur situation would have done.
    Do not be discouraged by your son’s tantrums. Love him as you always have and after he goes past that tunnel he is walking through right now,he will thank you for having stood by him.
    God gave you those children to bring up and mould into well rounded and responsible people and He will surely give you the strength and guidance to do what is right.
    You will be in my thoughts as you go through those travails.
    Be strong, bruh. You are not alone!

  5. Every black male has some struggle. My son and I had a time. It took him to do six months in prison. To even put himself in check. Rehab was not doing it. Physically fighting me and my daughters. Every time he went to jail for anything I never bailed him out .I always let him sit. He made the choices so he had to live with it. He’s going on 22. He just getting a clue. Good luck friend.

  6. I have had custody of my four kids for 7 years. They certainly do affect the ability to have a carefree life … never doubt that. Even more certain is that life with your daughter will way MORE THAN make up for it.

    I have been an every other weekend player for the last couple of years. I stayed on the sidelines for a long time because of hurt and fear.

    Trust me that no matter what your parenting time arrangement ends up being, you will be able to have a totally fulfilling life, especially since Van is so cool with it all.

  7. My son mom outed me to my son. Me and my son relationship is ok but not like it was and he have a major chip on his shoulder. He not disrespectful but sometimes his mouth can be a tad much but mines is much worse. I am scared that the streets will get him. He s young teen but kind of thugish. I try to stay in his ass but we cant be around our kids all the time. If he ever put his hands on me or even act like he want to i will try and murder his ass.

    #SpeakingTruth

    • Hey SpeakingTruth thanks for sharing that. Lord knows I want to fuck him up. But hey you have to raise kids the best you can and let them figure it out. Because the generation of children now is much more know-it-all then ours was. My mother used to say a hard head makes a soft ass. That is true.

  8. Pingback: An Early Christmas Gift | CONFESSIONS OF A DOWN-LOW BROTHER: THE SEQUEL

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s