The Story of the Thug Up the Block


Image courtesy of the film "Say My Name."

Image courtesy of the film “Say My Name.”

Remember “Ray,” my down-low thug neighbor who lives up the block?

Well, one day I got a chance to talk with him privately and I asked Ray when he had his first dude. And Ray told me this story about the first man he kicked it with and how they fell in love. I changed names and some details to protect their identity:

Ray was 19 years old and living in the Bronx in the mid 1980s. And he befriended this neighborhood drug dealer called “Dax.”

Dax was the terror of the street. He made mad money selling weed, cocaine and the new drug of choice — crack. But nobody messed with Dax, a muscled, brown-skinned black man of Puerto Rican and African American descent. That is because people who fucked with Dax soon disappeared.

Dax was five years older than Ray and took a liking to him. “Hey man, come over to my place and hang sometimes and play this Ninja game with me on my Sega.”

“Yeah, I may do that sometime,” said a wary Ray, who was afraid Dax was trying to pull him into the drug game.

But one day Ray got into a bad fight with his girl Wanda, who kicked him out of her pad in the projects. So he had nowhere to go and ended up knocking on Ray’s brownstone door.

“Damn man, it’s late as fuck,” Dax grumbled. But he let Ray crash in his guest room in the big iron poster bed.

Ray was tired. He and Wanda’s relationship was winding down…he just wasn’t feeling her anymore. And he knew he had to find a place to stay and get back on his feet. So he just went to bed and was soon snoring softly.

That is until he felt something wet and warm tugging and pulling at his dick in the middle of the night. And he looked down and there was Dax, sucking his dick in the dark, his head bobbing up and down.

Ray froze and pretended he was asleep. He was scared out of his wits. “If I wake up and say something this nigga might shoot me. He has killed dudes before.”

Dax’s skillful sucking had Ray’s dick hard as rock but he still pretended to sleep. After awhile Dax got up and went back to his room.

The next morning nothing was said. Ray went to his department store job and Dax went about pushing drugs. But that night the same thing happened.

Ray had girlfriends but had always wondered what it was like to be with a guy. He would rent straight porn on VHS tapes. But instead of jacking off to the women he would jack off looking at the guys’ nipples and asses. He would not dare try gay sex because all the gay men in his neighborhood acted so feminine and femininity in men turned him off.

But Dax was different. He was masculine, toned and had a deep voice. He ran the drug trade. He had two babies’ mamas. Everybody was afraid of him. He had a collection of guns and knew how to use them. How could he be gay?

But after a week of nightly dick sucking Dax finally just put it on the table. “Nigga, what the fuck is up?”

“Huh, what do you mean,” Ray asked.

“Don’t play stupid, I know you ain’t sleeping. You like when I suck your dick. Shit, you shot nutt over my shoulder last night. So stop playing.”

Ray got quiet. Then he breathed deeply and said, “Yeah, I liked that shit man.”

And that was that. Ray moved in with Dax permanently and they became lovers but everybody thought they were just homeboys and roommates. But they were anything but.

When they got behind closed doors Ray would ride Dax’s tight, light-brown ass like a jockey on a racehorse. That dude loved Ray’s curved dick, which hit his prostate just right. No one suspected they were more than friends.

But Dax was jealous as a motherfucker. One time he caught Ray looking admiringly at a hottie walking down the block. Dax walked over. “You like that bitch,” he asked.

“Man, shit that’s my home girl Tracy…,” Ray started to say. Before he could finish Dax hauled off and knocked him down in the street. Ray had to keep up his street cred. He got up and the two got in a knock-down, drag-out fight in the middle of the street.

Photo courtesy of ESPN.

Photo courtesy of ESPN.

“Shit, why are Ray and Dax beefing,” Tracy asked her girlfriend while they stood on the sidelines watching the two bloody each other as a crowd gathered. “I thought they were like brothers.”

Nobody knew they were having a lovers’ spat.

Dax’s jealousy eventually drove Ray away. Plus he was nervous about associating with Dax or even driving with him. The drug wars were heating up and people were getting killed left and right over nothing.

So Ray moved to Baltimore to stay with an aunt who had raised him and get a fresh start. But Dax soon followed. He knocked on Ray’s aunt’s door and asked Ray to come out and talk to him. Ray’s aunt thought nothing of it — they had been friends for years.

When they got around the corner Dax pulled out a shiny steel pistol. “You are never going to leave me. I will kill you now and then I will take care of myself.”

Ray felt like his stomach had sunk to his ankles. He literally saw his life pass before his eyes. He knew Dax was serious.

But Ray could also think fast on his feet. He pretended to break down, boohooing and crying in the middle of the street loud enough so there would be witnesses. “Man, you know I love you but you drove me away with your jealousy. What was I supposed to do? You know you don’t want to kill me.”

Ray’s Oscar-winning performance worked. Dax tucked the gun back in his waistband under his baggy Cross Colours shirt.

“Okay, man. I have been kinda on edge. But you know I act like this because I love you, right?”

“Yeah, I know.”

But the weirdness continued — Dax kept doing underhanded things to bring Ray back to New York City. One day Ray came home to find his aunt distraught on the phone. She was very religious.

“Dax is on the phone. He just told me that you two are doing the ‘f-word.’ The nasty! That you are lovers. Now Ray you know that lifestyle is against God and you are going to hell and Dax right along with you. After your mother died I tried to raise you right. I didn’t raise you to live like this. Oh, Lord Jesus, what is my sister thinking in Heaven. I have failed.”

Ray was so angry he hopped on a bus to New York City that night. He wasn’t ready to come out to his family, especially his Auntie. How could Dax do that? He was supposed to love him?

Ray arrived at Dax’s door. He had a key but knocked instead. Dax opened the door. Before Dax could pull out a gun he always had on him Ray punched the shit out of him, square on the chin. Then he kept hitting and hitting him until Dax fell unconscious on the brownstone steps.

People gathered on the street. “Damn, I thought them two were friends but they forever fighting,” one neighbor said. “What the fuck is going on now?”

Nobody knew Ray and Dax were having their final lovers’ spat.

Ray went back to Baltimore early the next morning. Surprisingly the two kept in touch although the passion cooled down to a friendship that has lasted now almost 30 years. Dax got out of the drug game and is living a respectable life — he was one of the few dealers who actually saved his windfall.

Sometimes when Ray goes home to New York City he will call up Dax and they will got out and have drinks and laugh about how crazy their love life used to be back in the day. It’s funny how time can heal things.

Ray and Dax were obviously in an abusive relationship, both physically and psychologically. Domestic abuse exists in LGBT relationships just as in straight ones. Eleven percent of lesbians reported violence by their female partner and 15 percent of gay men who live with their partners reported being victimized by their male partner, according to the American Bar Association. I was so surprised by all the tales of domestic violence I heard from gay men I wrote this blog entry, “Scars,” back in 2009.

19 thoughts on “The Story of the Thug Up the Block

    • Worst_1_yet. We talked for more than an hour. He is usually a very stoic person and the whole thing just poured out. I mean the details he gave were just astounding — I felt like I knew Dax. Gay men have so many stories to tell that need to be heard. What Ray dealt with — love, abuse, family acceptance, jealousy — are issues all people deal with in relationships no matter their sexual orientation.

  1. Everytime I see ur notification of a new blog story, I get excited and can’t wait to read coz I know it’s bound to be real juicy. Keep writing. U shine.

  2. I never understood that whole “sucking on an unsuspecting dick while he’s sleep” thing. I know there’s a market for it in the gay porn industry, but, it always seems hella weird to me… But, this was a dope post. A little jealousy is kinda cute, but it can get crazy if not dealt with correctly. Its too bad that he got outed in such a painful way. For them to remain friends after all these years gives me hope. My last bf, Rob, and I are trying to do the “friend” thing, something I thought would never happen (stay tuned for my post about it).

    -_Cogito

    • Hey Cogito! Happy Thursday man.

      Yeah, Ray acts very masculine but he must have given off some vibe for Dax to make that move. Or maybe Dax was so used to getting what he wanted he said I will just take that dick and pistol whip Ray if he makes a fuss (LOL)

      Yeah, a little jealousy is no problem. But when you have a guy who is armed to teeth and is used to using violence to get his way I don’t think jealousy is such a good thing at all.

      And yes, the way he outed Ray was in a classic bitchy way, I don’t care how masculine Dax made himself out to be. Ray told me he was so angry he went right to the bus station. He intentionally knocked on the door to catch Ray off-guard. If he had opened the door and gone in and started an argument things might not have turned out so well for him..

      What I didn’t say in this account was that even after Ray returned to Baltimore Dax tried to ply him with money and gifts. I have to really admire Ray for not falling into that materialistic trap. He is still a blue collar brother who works hard and I know that bling must have been tempting.

      It took time for them to develop a friendship again. I wish you and Rob luck with that an hope you find a happy meeting ground.

      Take care!

  3. I’m always fascinated by how certain guys first got started, especially thugs, which most of the time, they don’t want to talk about it.
    The whole waking up to or giving a blow job to someone in their sleep, still seems so unreal. I mean it sounds so gay erotica like. I have heard stories of guys doing that to straight men, and I love a “straight” man but to take the chance and do that… well I’m not trying to get a knee to the nose. In this case the sucker didn’t care because he kills niggas, so there was some prison mentality in this quest.
    The next thing I have to say is this…I don’t think I could be with a nigga, that I knowingly know has made niggas “disappear.”

    I mean we can do a little oral and screw once, but that’s it. I’m going to have to draw the line on continuing to sleep with someone who kills, like if I piss you off and I disappear, uh no dick is that good.
    Daz seems like a butch queen the way he acted after Ray moved to Baltimore.

    I try to behave on my use of niggas, when I write, so not to offend; but I thought do to the post content, it would be acceptable.

    • TheBlogArtistFormerlyKnowasYBandDL: I think you are right. Daz raped Ray that first time because Daz knew he could overpower him if he had to. And Ray was scared as hell during that first encounter because he knew if he protested too much he could have had an ass whipping, pistol whipping or worse.

      Why did Ray get into a relationship with Daz? He was young and from my conversations with him Daz represented what he found attractive in men: a booming body, masculinity, street sense. Plus, doesn’t everybody love bad boys until they grow up and discover bad boys ain’t shit?

      And don’t think Ray wasn’t aware of what he was getting into. He told me he would go on drug and money pickups with Daz. He would make Daz drop him off a block from the destination and pick him up there afterward. He said he didn’t want to meet any of Daz’s underworld connections so if things got sour they wouldn’t kill him too because he was a potential witness. Plus if police raided their house Ray wanted to honestly say he didn’t know anything.

      He also said he never questioned Daz about who he might have killed for the same reasons. He didn’t want Daz to kill him for knowing too much and he wanted to honestly tell authorities if it came to that that he knew nothing.

      After awhile he said despite the lavish lifestyle Daz could give him this way of life got too stressful. Who wants to worry about getting your head blown off everyday? So that’s why he came down to Bmore.

  4. Pingback: The Thug up the Block | CONFESSIONS OF A DOWN-LOW BROTHER: THE SEQUEL

  5. Pingback: The Thug Up the Block and the Fire | Confessions of a Down-Low Brother: The Sequel

  6. Pingback: The Thug Up the Block and the Gangbanger | Confessions of a Down-Low Brother: The Sequel

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s