How to take a bad pic


Men get turned on by visuals. A round, firm booty straining dress slacks. A dick bulge stretching the crotch on some well fitted jeans.

A smile. Nice eyes. The list goes on and on.

That is why it is important you put your best foot forward when you post your photo on hookup websites such as Jack’d and Manhunt.

It’s not hard to take a flattering photo these days. Everyone has a smart phones equipped with metapixel cameras, flashes and editing tools.

That is why it surprises me that guys put such tasteless photos online. Really there is a lot of shit out there.

So I asked my friends what turned them off when they looked at personal photos on gay hookup websites and apps. Here is what they said:

Blurry photos usually hide something that isn't good.

Blurry photos usually hide something that isn’t good.

BLURRY PHOTOS OR OBVIOUSLY OLD PHOTOS: See this dude. He hit me up and came over. I had to send him home. He claimed he was 38 but the blurred photo hid the truth. He was probably about 60 years old and looked sick. I mean dude was coughing like he had consumption with a side of pneumonia. I sent him home. I learned an important lesson that my friends agree on. Folks use blurred photos to hide how they really look. I don’t mind older men — hell I’m middle aged myself. But don’t false advertise.

A finger up your ass is sexy? For real, for real?

A finger up your ass is sexy? For real, for real?

ASS SHOTS: To me there is nothing sexy about spread ass cheeks in a photo. Not all asses are cute. And not all assholes are pretty. There are so many more tasteful ways to show off your ass.

Get out the bathroom!

Get out the bathroom!

BATHROOM SHOTS: I know. It’s easy to take a selfie in a big bathroom mirror. But hey bathrooms are not sexy. Especially bathrooms that are not clean. And toilets are for shitting and pissing in — not for a prop. Do yourself a favor. Get a trusted friend to take provocative photos for you but stay out of the bathroom.

He is hiding something big and fat and thick and I bet it ain't his dick.

He is hiding something big and fat and thick and I bet it ain’t his dick.

BELLY HIDERS: Overweight dudes will often lay on their stomach and put their asses in the air. Eight times out of 10 they are hiding a beer belly.

A little leopard goes a long way.

A little leopard goes a long way.

BAD CLOTHES: I know. He probably thought this ensemble was cute. I’m hoping he was at a Tarzan-themed Halloween Party. Look folks, some advice. I know gay guys are trendsetters. But the photos on your personal ads should not be where you set a trend.

We want to see you. Not your camera

We want to see you. Not your camera.

CAMERA BLOCKING: Look,  there are ways to take shots and not get the camera in it (try the doggy view approach by putting the camera below your waist and aiming up). Or get a friend to take the photos for you.

Did you ask her permission to put her in your personal ad?

Did you ask her permission to put her in your personal ad?

FAMILY AND FRIENDS: Do not put your family or friends in photos on websites you are using to get dick or ass. I’ve even seen guys pose with nieces, nephews or even their children, like that will make them more attractive. It’s tacky to do that, even if you have the person’s permission.

Why do we need to see you in four different outfits?

Why do we need to see you in four different outfits?

MULTIPLE FACESHOTS: Okay, we know how you look. Why do we need four or five or six or eight photos of you in different outfits? Folks who do this come across as being stuck on themselves. Just pick one good one that stands out and best represents you.

Okay, so you smoke weed. Big deal.

Okay, so you smoke weed. Big deal.

DRUG USE: Hey, I don’t knock weed smokers. You do you. But smoking weed is a recreational activity, not a lifestyle you need to advertise through photos.

A teddy bear? Really

A teddy bear? Really

JUNKY ROOMS, CLUTTER: What you see in a person’s photo can tell you alot about them. Boxes piled up. Shoes thrown around. This youngun has crotchet pillows and teddy bears on his bed. Not a sexy look brother.

Q: Readers what turns you off and on about photos in personal ads?