A Broken Bond


My ex Morgan and I had tried to be friends.

A movie here. An email there. And texts most everyday.

But last Sunday I invited him to see “Elliot Loves” at the LGBT film festival in Baltimore’s Highlandtown.

Afterward I made a suggestion to him. The next day he said he was considering it and I urged him to just do it.

And he texted something curt. I texted something curt back.

And all the anger and frustration and hurt and pain we felt spilt out in a volley of texts.

We both said things we shouldn’t have. Petty, nasty things. Things meant to inflict pain.

The next day I tried to apologize. But Morgan said he wanted nothing to do with me. To not text or call.

So the bond is broken.

Morgan if you read this thanks for being so supportive and always encouraging me to aim higher.

Thanks for being my first real love in this new gay life. To me you will always be one of the sexiest and kindest men I know, warts and all.

Thanks for walking a part of this life with me. And hanging with me and my daughter.

And for being the first man I was serious enough to introduce to my Mom although she threatened to “fuck you up” if you messed with her baby boy.

And I meant what I said. If you ever need me in this crazy world I will be there.

Love Immanuel

9 thoughts on “A Broken Bond

  1. Maintaining ties with an Ex you were serious about is a difficult thing, especially when you know how good ya’ll could’ve been together. Ultimately, sometimes Love just ain’t enough, and “just being friends” is asking for too much… Btw, I watched “Elliot Loves” for the first time yesterday on Logo, it was awesome! 🙂

    -_Cogito

    • Cogito thanks for the wise words. Yeah sometimes love is not enough but everything happens for a reason. I learned alot about myself through the relationship, lessons to take into the next friendship. Right now its nice to enjoy me and my friends. And I bought a copy of Elliot Loves. Great film and really explains why gay men look for love in all the wrong places. Cuz you have to love yourself first and get rid of your baggage before you can really love another. Right?

  2. Give him time to himself. He may need waaay more time to heal than you can imagine. Eventually, I believe he will transit smoothly into a platonic friend. I have been a fan of your blog for a long time, and still can’t comprehend your breakup.

  3. I think CityBoy took the words out of my mouth, but as I read this entry, I realized there’s more than I’ve been privy too and I’m only getting a glimpse into Immanuel’s world in what you share with the blogsphere.

    I can appreciate how honest this entry is/was – I mean, How many times do you come across an entry to an ex-boyfriend thanking them for the time spent with one another and showing you a different side of love which involves two men and their emotions?

    Thanks for sharing and I’ll continue to read your words … I normally stop what I’m doing when I get an e-mail advising you’ve posted a new entry.

  4. I am currently experiencing this.
    I had been Involved for about a year with a very handsome sexy brother. Needless to say the relationship has cooled off and I’m over the hurt and pain I felt with him. We text as friends and I’m learning to move on without him but it was really a painful process to go through, I will take things slow from now on.

    • Jm getting over people really is like getting over an addiction. You have to do it one day at a time. If I may my I would also suggest chilling out on the texts awhile.

  5. Pingback: The Truth About Van and Me | Confessions of a Down-Low Brother: The Sequel

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