Immanuel’s 10-Step Guide for Getting Over Your Dude


I'm actually enjoying being alone again. I found this photo online and it captures how I feel -- looking into a future uncertain with confidence.

I’m actually enjoying being alone again. I found this photo online and it captures how I feel — looking into a future uncertain with confidence.

My move to Baltimore has not brought Morgan and I closer.

In fact, being apart has given me time to analyze the situation better. I hope to always be friends but I have come to realize things had gotten too one-sided and he has deep-seated issues that are not going to change.So last weekend we had an argument over the phone and a testy text message exchange and it’s over just two months shy of our two-year anniversary. And you know, to be honest, I feel pretty good.

It was a good ride and eventually I hope we will be friends but for the next couple of weeks things will be tense. And I will always love that red negro. But I need to be me and be in a more balanced, fulfilling relationship.

There was some sadness but I have been using my 10-Step Plan to get over a relationship. Here what I’ve been doing:

  1. Write a list of things you liked and hated about your ex. If the negatives outnumber the positives, breaking up was the right thing to do. Morgan’s score: 21 negatives versus 10 positives. Yeah, there was a problem there.
  2. Talk about your break-up with close friends. They will put things in perspective. In fact, I have found out some disturbing things my friends knew about Morgan’s past that they didn’t tell me while we dated.
  3. Work on your spiritual side. Dating Morgan I neglected going to church. I am visiting some now and hope to pick a new one soon.
  4. Make a list of lessons you learned from the relationship — what you think you did wrong and right. Apply it to the next relationship.
  5. Go to museums, sporting events and other activities. Staying busy is a good. So far I am hitting museums, book signing parties and regularly explore Baltimore neighborhoods with a college buddy who walks for exercise.
  6. Have a dinner party and have your friends over, especially ones you haven’t seen in a while. Talk about the ex for five minutes and then go on to other subjects. You don’t want to be a wet blanket.
  7. Start a new hobby. I am doing family history research and plan to launch a new blog about my ancestors.
  8.  Volunteer. A church I am visiting is having a homeless feeding next month and I plan to be there.
  9. Exercise. I found a new gym and I am trying to increase my visits.
  10. Have lots of guilt-free, no strings, hot, sweaty, passionate sex. I got this covered already. I may blog about it too!

17 thoughts on “Immanuel’s 10-Step Guide for Getting Over Your Dude

  1. I’m sorry to hear ya’ll split, but sometimes it be’z like that!

    And trust, a nigga SHOLL needed to read this right now. I think Rob and I are dunzo… It’s been like a month. *sighs*

    I agree with #10 but what about when you’re so used to getting it a certain kind of way?

    If I can add to the list:
    11: Make a Breakup Song Playlist
    Music always help me process emotions when I’m not sure how to feel. Even right now, “Butterfly” by Mariah Carey is playing on my Pandora…

    What’re some of your fav break up songs?
    (maybe this’ll be my next post topic…)

    Always a good read!

    -_Cogito

    • Cogito:

      Sorry about you and Rob. Wow, is everybody breaking up? You are like the third couple I know. Stay strong. I know the emotional rollercoaster you are feeling.

      Yeah, #10 can get old. But I’m going to ride it till the wheels fall off.

      The song I keep playing is Fantasia’s Bittersweet. I get wet eyed when I listen to it. Was going to work on the bus all moist eyed looking like a damn fool with that playing on my headphones.

      And Butterfly is a beautiful song. Never heard it before. Wonderful!

  2. I’m glad you’re back – I thought love had taken over, but I’m not jumping for joy that you and Morgan are over. He seemed to bring joy into your life and I’m sure you two shared some happy times together.

    This Top Ten List … Yessir!

    • Thanks for the comment! He did bring joy to my life, no doubt. But there were some deep issues going on that were not being addressed. Since I respect him (and know he reads my blog) I’m not going to go into it here. Even though I blog there are some things that WAY DEEP PERSONAL. Hopefully, we will continue to be friends and share happy times again in future!

  3. Keep you head up and stay active and encouraged. If you decide to sex Morgan out of your system just be safe in doing so my man. I can’t seem to get down with no-strings attached sex game myself.

    I wish you all the best and enjoy your blog my brotha!

  4. Immanuel: Your recent blog is very interesting but seems to be very one sided and angry due to his break up with you. Rejection hurts like a bitch doesn’t it? I know ‘cuz I have been through it before. It doesn’t indicate what part you played in the breakup with Morgan nor shows any accountabilty by you. Imagine being in a relationship with someone so insecure that he needs to know whomever his partner had been to dinner or bed with years before he met you. In my opinion, real men with any character don’t kiss and tell. Every man has a history and if he felt that it was inappropriate to discuss it with you, then you should have honored his discretion. and other people’s privacy Why can’t someone respect that? Unlike you, he was probably very uncomfortable bragging about all the ponies he has ridden. What matters is that he never cheated on you while he dated you. But are you able to say the same?

    It is uncertain what “disturbing things” your friends told you about Morgan. Do you really believe these allegations are true? Did you ever ask Morgan? While he was with you did he ever disrespect, lie, steal, ill advise you, or intentionally hurt you, etc? Morgan loved the ground you walked on and supported you every step of the way emotionally, spiritually and financially. unlike any of your prior relationshps including your 20 year marrage. Wasn’t he the one that motivated you in getting your house in Baltimore? Wasn’t he always your cheerleader and number one fan? You were his heaven and earth and there was nothing or anyone else. He allowed you to move into his home after knowing you for only three months. Talk about a leap of faith!

    Is it Morgan’s responsibilty to force your lazy ass to go to church; isn’t that your personal journey with God; which Morgan was willing to share whenever asked.

    It is great that you have moved on and kept yourself busy. I hope your support group(s) are sincere and nurturing.

    The real problem was not a lack of communication but the frequent lack of respect of your partner, his home, and the bed your shared. Did you every think that your behavior at times was abusive, unsupportive and diminishing? Perhaps, there are a lot of personal demons your need to address. Everyone needs to accept accountability to their part in the relationship.

    Perhaps, one day when the dust settles, you and Morgan can have fun again as close friends. I advise you that you do not send anymore derisive text messages to him. He was probably very surprised and hurt.

    What so Immanuel, what would be your score card?

  5. Robert thanks for the kind words. That comment was from Morgan. I thought that was obvious. We have talked and hang out sometimes. Matter of fact he ate Easter dinner at my home with my Mom. So hopefully we can be friends. I think two tops can work. But all relationships must have open communication and mutual respect or they won’t work. Look for some new blog posts soon. And thanks for reading.

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