Immanuel’s 10-Step Guide for Getting Over Your Dude


I'm actually enjoying being alone again. I found this photo online and it captures how I feel -- looking into a future uncertain with confidence.

I’m actually enjoying being alone again. I found this photo online and it captures how I feel — looking into a future uncertain with confidence.

My move to Baltimore has not brought Morgan and I closer.

In fact, being apart has given me time to analyze the situation better. I hope to always be friends but I have come to realize things had gotten too one-sided and he has deep-seated issues that are not going to change.So last weekend we had an argument over the phone and a testy text message exchange and it’s over just two months shy of our two-year anniversary. And you know, to be honest, I feel pretty good.

It was a good ride and eventually I hope we will be friends but for the next couple of weeks things will be tense. And I will always love that red negro. But I need to be me and be in a more balanced, fulfilling relationship.

There was some sadness but I have been using my 10-Step Plan to get over a relationship. Here what I’ve been doing:

  1. Write a list of things you liked and hated about your ex. If the negatives outnumber the positives, breaking up was the right thing to do. Morgan’s score: 21 negatives versus 10 positives. Yeah, there was a problem there.
  2. Talk about your break-up with close friends. They will put things in perspective. In fact, I have found out some disturbing things my friends knew about Morgan’s past that they didn’t tell me while we dated.
  3. Work on your spiritual side. Dating Morgan I neglected going to church. I am visiting some now and hope to pick a new one soon.
  4. Make a list of lessons you learned from the relationship — what you think you did wrong and right. Apply it to the next relationship.
  5. Go to museums, sporting events and other activities. Staying busy is a good. So far I am hitting museums, book signing parties and regularly explore Baltimore neighborhoods with a college buddy who walks for exercise.
  6. Have a dinner party and have your friends over, especially ones you haven’t seen in a while. Talk about the ex for five minutes and then go on to other subjects. You don’t want to be a wet blanket.
  7. Start a new hobby. I am doing family history research and plan to launch a new blog about my ancestors.
  8.  Volunteer. A church I am visiting is having a homeless feeding next month and I plan to be there.
  9. Exercise. I found a new gym and I am trying to increase my visits.
  10. Have lots of guilt-free, no strings, hot, sweaty, passionate sex. I got this covered already. I may blog about it too!