FAGGOT


Photo courtesy of zazzle.com.

It’s a good thing I had just left church Sunday morning when I looked at my Facebook page and saw what my son wrote on my timeline.

“FAGGOT.”

I sat in my car, looking down at my Droid, staring at the hateful word typed on my page. Just numb.

It’s funny how God gives you what you need just when you need it. Less than an hour before the minister had preached a sermon based on the feuding twin brothers Jacob and Esau from the Old Testament.

The sermon was about how you can’t change other people. You can only change yourself. How you react. What you say. I inhaled and breathed.

My son is going through some serious problems. In the space of year he has been arrested for marijuana possession during a graduation trip to the beach, got failing grades in his first semester in college, dropped out of college, and lost his job at a fast food restaurant.

If he doesn’t pass the next series of drug tests in weeks ahead he could face a few months in county jail for violating probation. It astounds me how my family could go from “A Different World” to “Oz” in one generation.

My ex-wife coddles him, lies to me about what is going on at home, and refuses to listen to me, or family or friends who say our son is disrespectful and needs tough love or things could get much worse. Instead, she blames my leaving the marriage almost three years ago and my new gay sexuality for my son’s issues.

And he eats it up because he can use “My Dad is a faggot” as a trump card to get out of being responsible and win sympathy.

And nevermind that I have been completely open with him about why I left the marriage and my sexuality and kept the lines of communication open. I also continue to pay the bills to keep him with a roof over his head, a Mac book to do schoolwork, cable television, high definition flat screens, WiFi, food in his belly, not to mention heat and water.

Funny, he wasn’t calling me faggot just weeks ago when I was taking him out to dinner at restaurants on U Street, floating him a $100 bill to buy some clothes, and picking up the monthly tab for his Metro commute.

“You are a good father,” my mother says later that afternoon when I tell her. “You support your kids are always there. Live your life and don’t let that nasty ass grandson of mine make you feel guilty. He is out of line.”

My friend the “Mentor,” who is also a gay father, has gone through this with one of his kids. In fact, his son called him faggot in front of friends a few years ago but they are much closer now.

“Stand your ground,” he advises. “You are the father. Believe me they will come around.”

After I saw “FAGGOT” on my Facebook wall I sat in my car for a few minutes and just thought. I ain’t going to lie, the Devil was talking over my left shoulder.

“Drive over to his house right now, grab him and beat the shit out of him,” Satan whispered in my ear. “Fuck that lanky motherfucker up. Shit, he is calling you faggot but that is some punk ass shit to post on your wall. If he was a real man he would have said it to your face but he knows you can beat him up.”

But I thought about Jesus. I thought about visiting the Martin Luther King Memorial on the Tidal Basin and reading his words that hate cannot drive out hate. Only love can do that.

So I wrote to my son on Facebook: “I know you going through a lot. I will always love you and will be here to support you as you work through your issues. Dad.”

And I went to the gym, worked out like a fiend, ran some errands, went home and had dinner with my partner Morgan, and watched the football playoffs.

I looked at at my Facebook timeline today. My son’s comment to me was erased along with my response. I didn’t do it so he must have removed it.

I hope he got the message. There is still hope.

15 thoughts on “FAGGOT

  1. Yup, I know what you’re going thru; my 18 yo posted statements about faggots on FB also. I think it’s healthy to feel the anger & outrage, imagine kicking their black behinds and then, DOING the right thing; be a father. When I think back on how my dad put up with my bullshit, what an ungrateful punk I was, it makes it fair that I have to be the man and allow love & family override my bruised pride.

  2. You thought you were helping brothers before….man this direction of this new blog is HEALING. Thank you for walking us through your (thought) process! I better take some deep breaths now for “the conversation” with my young sons.

  3. Thanks for the words of wisdom I’m getting both online and offline! You guys are a Godsend.

    Take care Amir, love ya little brother Brooklyn and GayteKeeper keep up the great blogging man!

  4. i call my ex a faggot all the time . why you ask ?cause thats what he is .unlike you sir hes not in our kids life .He puts his tranny thing first. unlike you sir he deserves that name faggot.NOr does he know the power of our lord.Ive asked he many of times to say hes sorry for what he did to me and ours kids.HE says he dont oew nobody shit. so what im i to do is to put it in gods hands .and forgive him again .so god can do his work .amen and god bless you 🙂

  5. Pingback: An Early Christmas Gift | CONFESSIONS OF A DOWN-LOW BROTHER: THE SEQUEL

  6. Damn I don’t know how I would react if my son called me a fagget. I would be hurt and shocked I know that much but I’m not sure how my response would be afterwards but this has prepared me just in case.

    In your son and my son defense it’s like what boy want a gay dad. Especially how society is. No we can’t live our whole life for our children but I try to be considerate to his feelings especially because he didn’t ask to be here. He didn’t ask to be put in this situation. I got quite a few chicks pregnant back in the day and with the grace of almighty God, my son was the only one to make it. But back when I was making these babies including my son I never thought how it would be for them. That’s why I would never adopt a child with a male partner. Actually I ain’t having no kids with no damn body my son is 16. But I definitely wouldn’t with a male partner. Yes it’s making a statement and all that but I think the child should be taking into consideration first. Adults are cruel and kids are worse. If you truly love somebody then you would not sacrifice your child mental or put them in any position where they have to defend what you are doing. A child should not have to do that. I be seeing those happy gay family pictures online but those pictures are literally only a snapshot in the lives of those families. Behind the scenes you don’t know how those kids feel. And there parents may not know how they feel either until they get old enough to call you a fagget on social media.

    • Yo I disagree with you. I know a whole lot of gay men and lesbians who parent children to turn out well. Studies also prove this is true. There are also thousands of LGBT parents who adopt children that nobody wants and raise them in loving homes. Who gives a fuck what folks think…you can’t go through life like that. And being heterosexual is no guarantee you will be a good parent. There are absentee fathers making babies with multiple partners that they don’t raise and women who abuse and neglect their children. So sexuality does not determine who was a good parent and who isn’t.

      • Ok. I didn’t mean to hit a nerve sir. You go by your stats and your friends that is perfectly ok with me. They can have a million babies I really don’t give a shit. Im just commenting on what I won’t do and what I see out here.

      • The second thing Immanuel stats be saying for years and years that a child needs balance. They need a mother and a father but now they don’t. The other kids don’t tease when your flaming Dad or butch Mom have to come to the school. I guess all that changed. One thing for sure is I’m in this life style and I’m not knocking what nobody do on their own personal time. You can fuck and suck and get married and all that that’s lovely. I wish everybody luck. I need it too. But when you bring children in it then that’s something different. And I been working in the human service field for years and those kids who grew up in the system often go to adoptive families with trauma issues. It’s not all fairy tale it’s not all like your friends. This is real life. Shit you had your son and many other people had their children with woman and it’s still hard. Life is not a stat. Life is reality. And please start referencing your stats so I can educate my self and gain more knowledge.

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