What’s So Hot About Being a Bottom?

Tops, bottoms, verse, verse tops, top verses, verse verses — they are all labels.

If you are a true sexual connoisseur, a true explorer of your sensuality, you will try out everything. So I have been trying to take dick. I first tried two years ago and it was miserable. Lately the results have been…drumroll…what is the big deal? I really don’t crave it.

Me: “This shit still hurts! Take it out! What, that was just the head of your dick! Damn Negro! I thought it was all in! Shit, next time just knock me the fuck out so I can wake up and it’s over — just be sure to put on a condom!”

“You just haven’t met the right man,” friends tell me. “When you do you will flip for your man sometimes.”

“Immanuel, you are hot man. You got a nice black ass back there and a big dick up front. You would be deadly if you were truly versatile.”

But to be honest, I don’t enjoy it. I try to be a sport and attempt it, especially if I like the other person and they gave me good ass. I’ve tried with lots of lube. I’ve tried with poppers (which give me a headache). I just can’t relax enough to get to enjoy it. I can tolerate it for a few minutes but believe me not a lot goes in.

The pain sucks. The burning sensation as a penis enters you — it takes my breath away and my body tenses, becoming hard as a rock. It’s like a knife splitting you. Who gets pleasure from this pain? Who can tolerate a man on top of them like that.

The passive role makes me uncomfortable. Who gets fucked in prison movies and HBO’s “Oz”? The weak motherfuckers! Plus I don’t like the loss of control — letting someone invade your body. Fuck this!

Still, deep down I envy masculine dudes that can throw some dick and then turn around and take dick. To me they are sexual supermen. To be able to do that shows, at least to me, a supremely self confident person.

“Relax. Relax,” Miguel said to me the other night (Read more about Miguel and me in “I Had Sex With An (Illegal) Alien”). He may know only 50 words of English but Miguel is a very sensual and patient lover. “How it feel? You like papi?”

“Okay, that’s enough. Take that shit out.” Then I flipped him over and fucked him hard, paying him back for that pain he gave me with that thick dick of his a few minutes before. He must have liked it — he busted his nutt into my sheets in five minutes after I mounted him doggy style.

Maybe if I get a full-time boyfriend I will lay back and take it to please my partner. I have heard of tops who do that in order to battle boredom in the bedroom and keep the lover at home and off Adam4Adam.

Today a buddy gave me this nugget of advice.

“Immanuel, if you think about taking dick even when you are not having sex you really want to bottom.”

“Nah, I never do,” I honestly answer. So I guess that mean this may not be for me.

Q: Readers, I got a lot of questions about this. What is the attraction of bottoming? And to other (mostly) tops, have you tried out bottoming and would you do it for a regular lover? Lastly, is the whole top, bottom, verse labeling obsolete? I have fucked several guys who claim they were tops.

22 thoughts on “What’s So Hot About Being a Bottom?

  1. Well, from your post, you pretty much think that being a bottom is a sign of weakness. Almost like your less of a man if you take dick. Read what you typed!

    With me being in leather/bdsm, I've had this discussion on many levels. Thru my discussions, with men who are usually Dom and want to sub, it's hard for them to do it because of the idea of submitting to a guy. It's like they are giving up power and/or losing their “manhood” by surrendering to another man. If you really feel like a man is “weak” or “less of man”, (usually from hearing it as a child from family, church, siblings, etc) then you internalize this and then when the opportunity presents itself, you revert back to those feelings.

    Now I do acknowledge for some, it's just not their cup of tea. They have tried it and it just didn't fly ..and that's cool. But a majority of men who don't like bottoming is because what I just stated above.

    There is a true mind-body connection thing going on. If in your mind, you make it uncomfortable, you tell the brain this and what it does it shuts down the body (i.e. makes it tense, etc.) Hence when you are trying to be penetrated, what happens? It hurts.

    Also its very important to do it with a guy who really knows what he is doing. if you run into a versatile or top brother, you should express your concerns with him. If he truly is digging you, whether for a 1 night stand or more, he will be patient and not rush you. Also he would try to do things to relax you so you can be ready for the dick.

    Just my $.02

  2. Well….. I'm a top, and have tried bottoming several times and like you, I find it is not for me. But as RLD says, when you find the right guy, it works. Cause I've been shagged real good once or twice.

    I don't think it lowers you as a man, if anything, I really respect any man that can bottom, mostly because it is an achievement I still struggle with.

    And the few times it has worked…. nothing like it. Truth be told.

  3. I love to bottom, I finding it pleasing. If you have the right one that takes there time you would be alright. One has to be in to the top.

  4. Finding the right top is key. Someone who really knows how to: a) open you up and get your ass loosened and ready b) fuck ass right. If you find that man, he can take you to another place. He may also teach you a few techniques you can use when YOU top.

    Being completely clean inside is key too. Otherwise it's uncomfortable as hell. Bottoming requires advance preparation.

    re: Dom/Sub – truthfully the bottom has more control. Yeah, they're being penetrated, but they're also able to say “No, Stop, take that shit out”. No matter how much sweet talking the top tries, if the bottom ain't having it, the top ain't getting it.

    Immanuel, find a top who will service you. One who will loosen you up and relax you, then mount you doggy style, sink his cock in you and fuck you till you blow a huge load.

  5. “Being completely clean inside is key too. Otherwise it's uncomfortable as hell. Bottoming requires advance preparatioBeing completely clean inside is key too. Otherwise it's uncomfortable as hell. Bottoming requires advance preparation”

    that is so true gotta be a clean bottom

  6. Well, see, here's my thing… I'm a self-proclaimed vers myself. And no matter what position my partner plays, I like to give him a decent Rim to set the mood (or if we're out of lube). And If he lets me rim, my next question is of course whether or not he's going to let me hit.

    Now, I've gotten more ass from negroes who claim to be “tops” just at the slightest nibble of their hole. I've broken in a few guys that way; a lot of guys really don't know what they want to be. Top, bottom, vers, etc. I guess I'm a top at heart.

    But what gets me is the FUCKING HEIGHT REQUIRMENT TO BE A TOP!!! Like, ugh!!! Where's the sign that says “You must be THIS tall to be a top”. I'm 5'4″ but I certainly make up for it in all the right spots 😉 And I've never had any complaints on the way I throw mines.

    What's your take on the height requirement, Immanuel?


  7. I can relate to what you said. Several times, I have wondered why my bottoms feel enjoy the experience so much, so I tried botttoming on a couple sessions. I didn't feel comfortable in that role. I believe it was the matter of somebody controlling me, that made me unconfortable. Even when I bottomed, I had to be in control by trying to sit on the dick, but I could never get past the pain of a dick entering my tight ass. Once one friend got inside, I didn't want him to move, but he wanted to slowly pound my hole. I couldn't endure that feeling, so I stopped. Now, I know what makes me feel good and what doesn't. I feel I am a far superior top than bottom.

  8. My first couple experiences bottoming weren't that good due to the guy (he did it twice) cumming so quick because of my ass. But the next guy-who i met online-had me face down ass up and hit that spot and made me cum twice without touching my dick and I was in love with it, I just got a boner typing about it. I loved well hung men (8+) so it hurts a little bit at first but then it feels so good. I think I just like being submissive.

  9. Although I've yet to penetrate or be penetrated I would have to agree with RLD that our views has alot to do with what will ALLOW ourselves to engage in sexually.

    In addition, I guess that would probably answer that question I've wondered for the past couple of years that I've embraced this lifestyle is why so many brothers lie about being TOPS when they are BOTTOMS. Wassup with that?

  10. I've bottomed 3 times in my life and hated it every time. Sucks. I've loaded my dick into about 200 guys and that seems to give everyone what they really want.

    Trying “everything” is not for everyone. You invite a bottom over for a night of sex and you both know what's up and what is about to go down.

    You're “verse” and you invite another “verse” over? Good luck with that, but it's not for me. I prefer to bang those who love it and want it. I want them to be expecting it when they show up.

  11. Immanuel!

    Wow it seems as if you have penned my sentiments exactly, regarding the pain. For the several years that I have been getting with guys I have always felt as if the sexual experience was lacking due to the fact that I had never been penetrated.

    I've tried on several occasions to bottom for guys, and I think I've tried all the lube, and anal desensitizers, and even poppers once and hence got a headache. But like you it hurts like hell… most guys with me will say that I'm too tight and need to relax, and i've even specifically met with guys, where we intended for me to bottom, but the pain was too hard for me to endure.

    Nevertheless, I have mostly done foreplay and fucked dudes, but I don't necessarily think its the pain but the bad experiences that I've had with dudes who weren't patient and had big dicks and were just ready to ram it in me.. Ever since then like Raw Daddy said, i tense up and already pre-determine that its going to hurt.

    Maybe one day i'll be successful.

  12. Why do I like to bottom? The intensity of the physical sensation is just overwhelmingly pleasurable.

    mentally, the exchange of power is the most complete. Letting another man inside my body is about as much power as I can relinquish. it seems like the more power I give up, the more intense the feeling.

    Letting a black man fuck me only intensifies these these feelings. By directly going against the racist beliefs I was brought up with raises the stakes, so to speak. When a white boi lets a black cock in his ass, he is no longer a man like he was before. He acknowledges that the black cock is more powerful than 1000 years of prejudice.

  13. well let's see,

    because we are the bomb…. and you have to fuck us to make something happen…. or there will be a lot of sticking stiff dicks in tree stumps to get off.

    Bottoms make the world go round in gay life baby. Without us, WOLVES (tops) would be very lonely men.

    Am I right bottoms?

    Of course I am


  14. This is a very interesting discussion. I have been in the game twenty plus years and would consider myself versatile. A long-term relationship of where I am a top or bottom exclusively would not work for me. I like the full sexual gamut rather than defined “limited” roles that clearly are interpreted differently by each person. I would get bored sexually playing exclusively on one team (Top/Bottom). I believe good sex is partially expertise in responding to each other’s needs/desires as well as emotional/psychology connections.

    From the standpoint of choosing to bottom, my experience is that if sexual expertise and connection is there the “labels” will fall as well as the physical resistance that wire our brains to say this shit hurts. I know in seconds if I am doing a booty call, if I will surrender emotionally to bottom for a hook-up. Its innate I believe you just know. We always think of sex primarily from the physical standpoint but think of all the psychological things that are going on to get you to the point of sex. With trust, physical and emotional barriers come down.

    There is a dude I kicked it with on a regular basis in the past that honestly has the biggest and thickest dick I have ever seen (it does not look real it so big). We connected emotionally and we would flip roles. I have had small dicks that hurt me because there was no sexual expertise and/or emotional connection. I bring the big dick guy up because I reflect on it sometimes how I could take all of that and feel no pain. That is why I say it partially sexual acumen and emotional connection.

    Immanuel great blog! I look forward to the intellectual stimulation. Your blog topics resonate with me because I use to think about most of the topics and you may me realize that there are others who think about the things I do.

  15. Most men won't allow themselves to get to the place where they bottom because they see it as a weakness. I find this sad, but on another note, if you find someone that can take the time to get you in the mood for such an activity (i.e. eat that booty till you can't take it) I think you can relax a bit more…

  16. For the tops who absolutely can't seem to take a dick – is the guy who's trying to top you opening you up at all or is he just trying to cram his cock in you and expecting you to accommodate it?

    If he's just trying to cram it in with no effort to open you up, hopefully you'll learn something – namely that it's the top's RESPONSIBILITY to open the bottom up and get his hole ready to receive you.

    We (your bottoms) will gladly let you hammer away at our holes and we'll massage and milk your cocks until you spray cum everywhere. We'll help you prepare by orally servicing you, playing with your nipples, etc. to get you revved up.

    In return, you need to spend some time helping us prepare for that big dick of yours. Those of you who have skills in the bedroom and who have fucked a bottom until he's panting, grabbing at the sheets, flexing his toes and drooling on the fuck blanket can rightfully take pride in the response your gut-churning dick coaxes out of us. But I'll bet none of you just rammed it in us from the get-go, did you? You spent some time getting us ready, and THEN you fucked the living shit out of us!

    THAT'S what keeps us hooked and coming back for more.

  17. I think 80% of sex is mental. As a bottom I agree that it is painful but it is the mental excitement of submitting to another male that makes it exciting to me. The whole play on the dominate/submissive role contributes to that excitement. I have had better experiences with bottoming when I used non latex condoms I find latex to be mildly irritating.

  18. Oh man. Some good re-reading going on here. Some nice perspective from the bottom men of our world. Who could say it better than Inside Jamari Fox? “Bottoms make the world go round.” Love that. Looking at that ass, thinking about it, rubbing it, touching it, eating it, fucking it definitely makes my world go round. 2010? Damn.

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