Reader Question: Can You Find Love in the Age of Online Hookups?


In the 1970s science fiction movie “Logan’s Run,” the citizens of the futurist society who desired a sex partner could use a holographic machine to find an ideal mate for that night. That person would the teleport directly to their home and the fun would start.

That schlocky movie was prophetic. We 21st century Americans routinely use technology to find sexual partners. Are you into chubby Asians, Indian women with big boobs, white guys who are barely legal, or black men with six-inch dicks? You can go online and with a few clicks of your mouse and a little patience find one to spend the night with you.

And even though we don’t have transporter beams most sexual hookups, at least in my area, can get to you within an hour by car or subway.

Has all this sexual freedom and ease in hooking up dulled gay men to the possibility of forming a deep, meaningful relationship? A true love connection?

I have a buddy from Oklahoma named “Shawn” who recently deleted his account on Adam4Adam.com because he was fed up with the bullshit, the string of casual, sexual encounters that led not to romantic love but freaky dead ends.

Shawn has a lot to offer. He is a handsome, big, beefy guy with chocolate skin and a dazzling smile. He lives in a well-decorated yet comfortable home, has interesting hobbies, and a small menagerie of pets. He is consummate professional with a decent job. But finding a relationship online stumped him.

Shawn called me earlier this week and asked me to ask blog readers these questions:

Have you ended up getting finding a love match with a guy you met online? If you did, how did you do it?

19 thoughts on “Reader Question: Can You Find Love in the Age of Online Hookups?

  1. Online hookups have taken the social aspect away from being gay. That was always a big part of being in the life. The sex was better also, when you has some sort of repoir, with the person you were having sex with. Now all you have is some awkward sex with a stranger. I know that works for some people, but it was and still is a problem for me.

  2. I actually went online went I first came out, and found the man that I am still with 2 1/2 years later. Online dating works, but you just have to be able to pick out the good and bad ones.

  3. I'm a member of A4A, Blkgaychat and a few other sites. I've allowed myself to meet two men from A4A after several weeks of conversation. We met and there wasn't an attraction on my part and I never arranged to meet anyone from a site again. I prefer meeting guys the old fashioned way. However, since I'm only attracted to very masculine men I have a really hard time in “clocking” them and therefore can't seem to meet anyone for fear of barking up the wrong tree.

  4. I found my hubby online and it will make 6 years later this month, online is no different then meeting them in the club or walking down the street, there gonna be a lot of bad ones before the good.

  5. I found my husband (yes, we're legally married) online shortly after ending another relationship that had been in a downward spiral for over a year.

    I met him in 2002 and it was my first time cruising on a bareback site. I really wasn't looking for anything more than sex, but I found that I liked what I saw in him and I wanted to get to know him better. Within 4-6 weeks we were exclusive with each other. I told him I liked what I saw in him and I was going to see him exclusively so I could get to know him better – although I didn't expect or require him to do likewise. To my surprise, he told me he felt the same way about me.

    My past relationships have also come when I wasn't looking for anything more than a fuck buddy. In those cases I also discovered that I wanted to get to know the guy better and it went from there.

    Coincidence? Maybe.

  6. I've been doing the online thing for a few years and have had pretty bad luck — either I'm not attracted to him or he's not attracted to me. Nonetheless, I've made some amazing friends from online. I think that it's possible to find love (in whatever form) online; like others have said, it just takes sorting out the good and bad ones.

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