A Kindred Spirit


A few weeks ago “Brooklyn” left an email address in a comment at the end of one of my blog posts, saying he was building a support group for  masculine, down-low men.

He wrote:

I think you would be a great resource. contact me, I would like to build with you, Immanuel and anyone else who knows brothers who can benefit from a group like this.

I reveal a lot about my sexual escapades in this blog, probably a bit too much. But I still like to keep my privacy. Still, his comment was intriguing because I’m tired of being almost alone in this journey. I have several good gay friends but I can count on less than one hand how many left a marriage and kids to go to the other side of the rainbow.

So I emailed Brooklyn and we exchanged numbers and after a few missed calls we finally talked by phone last week. Our stories are astonishingly similar — he was married, had a few kids, but had a desire to have sex with men and acted on his attraction.

But unlike me who got caught (be careful to clean up your online activities) Brooklyn came clean to his wife and exited the situation. His wife took the kids and moved hundreds of miles away and now he is dealing with separation from his children and navigating a gay new world that we have both come to find out is full of shady as well as good people.

The first night we talked on the phone for almost three hours. And we decided to become Facebook friends. So he revealed his face and real name to me and I did the same to him.

He is a tall, brown-skinned black man with hair that frames his head like a kinky halo. He is so normal looking and the photos of him and his children are just so heartwarming — you can just feel the love he has for them come through.

Brooklyn wants to form a support group for down-low men and I promise to come to the Big Apple to meet his group and participate. But I warn him men may be coming to hook up and he agrees.

I send him this text today:

The problem is most of the guys get away with a double life until they get caught   so they dont want to talk   just keep freaking in secret

Brooklyn answers:

That is so true. and the fear of getting caught is not enough 2 make us tell our wives…or do anything else but be depressed and keep lying

Still, Brooklyn said he could form a support group to show brothers there is a life after coming clean and living your true sexuality. “It’s not all downhill,” he texted.

It’s good to meet a friend like Brooklyn. Still, it is tough dealing with a marriage ending, supporting and loving your children, and getting used to the gay world. I pray more and play Sade’s new album when I need inspiration.

 She has a song on the CD called “Long Hard Road.” When I play the song it’s like she is singing just to me. Sade sings:

“There’s a long hard road ahead. But a voice inside me said. You know there’s something that you need to know. It’s gonna be alright.”

2 thoughts on “A Kindred Spirit

  1. Coming clean is hard, but it leads to a much better life. I'm bisexual…not confused, but bi. I finally told my Mom and was scared shitless, but she was actually very open-minded and cool about it. Me being married to a man already may have helped though…lol. Anyways, my point is I think our brains make us see things way worse than it is. I have a lot of respect for openly gay and bi african-american men because of the way our culture is.

    ♥ SailorWifey

  2. Immanuel and Brooklyn,,,great idea. I'm in the same situation (still married). Would love to be in the company of other like minded brothers and share in your discussions. It would be great if others could join via conference call or web-meeting. There are many of us here hurting and struggling.

    slowdnnc@yahoo.com
    Raleigh, NC

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