You know, when you think about it being down-low is so stupid. Shit this is 2010. Gay marriage is legal in several states, Canada and South Africa.
Will all the gay and bisexual brothers in the closet just come out. Stand up and be counted! Be yourself! If they knew how many of us there really are, things would change. There is power in numbers.
Because being down-low wastes sooo much energy. Life is too short. The sneaking around, the setting up hookups and meeting places. All for a half hour or hour so you can pull off your mask and be yourself before running back to the closet and the woman and kids.
And the denial. It’s sickening.
I’ve already written about a married, down-low brother I know named “Branden” (read “The Bond.”)He takes the stupidity of down-low life to new heights, or should I say depths.
He is short and dark-skinned and has masculine swagger that makes up for his short dick. But the antics he goes through to get hookups and hide his true sexuality are comical.
He will call dudes from blocked numbers and carefully measure the timbre of their voices to make sure they are as masculine as possible. He parks as far away as he can from hookups so nobody recognizes his car. And he deliberately named his online sex hookup profile in a way that makes it seem he is a visitor just passing through town.
Because Branden is so paranoid he is convinced effeminate dudes are more likely to get in his business and show up at his front door and tell his wife he likes to fuck ass and suck a little dick on the side.
“You’re too out there,” he once said to me. “You have to be more discrete.”
But Branden is not so down-low as he thinks. He has been fucking with dudes since college and has a long-term thing with an old college buddy. They hook up whenever his buddy visits town.
Branden will tell his wife he is going out drinking with his buddy when in fact they are laid up in some hotel room fucking.
I remember once I threw a small sex party at a buddy’s and one of the guests happened to have gone to college with Branden. Branden eyes got big and he pulled me out of the bedroom, grabbed my arm and leaned close so he could whisper in my ear.
“You didn’t tell me he was going to be here,” he said. “Shit, I went to college with that dude. He could put my business out.”
While we are talking that old college buddy of his was getting the shit fucked out of him doggy style by this beefy brown-skinned dude. Later he would ride my dick like a cowgirl.
“Shit man am I supposed to check the guest list to see who knows you and who doesn’t,” I said.
“Branden, look he is here doing the same shit you are,” I continued, laughing. “If he rats you out just say ‘hell, he was at the same sex party I was so what’s up with that?'”
Branden’s dark face stayed serious and unsmiling. He really didn’t get the absurdness of the situation.
Today I took a break from work and had lunch with “Colin” (See “Snowed in in the Suburbs”). I told him I planned to write a blog about how dumb being down-low is.
“Damn, I separated from my wife and moved out,” I said. “That takes being brave. Why can’t some of these other guys do that?”
I expected Colin to praise my leap into the unknown but he didn’t fall for my lead.
“Immanuel, it’s not that easy,” Colin said. “Society, churches, everything is telling these guys what they are doing is wrong and what they are is wrong.”
What Colin said made me think and get down off my high horse. Was I braver for leaving and breaking up my home or are down-low men braver for staying and keeping up the front and being what society wants?
I guess what was a right decision for me may not be a right decision for everybody.