Jumping Time


Last summer I threesomed with “Jake” and “Phil,” a gay, professional black couple. I thought they had a good balance, the ability to live together and play together sexually with others.

But I was wrong. A few weeks after I banged his boy doggy style bent over a sofa, Jake started hitting me up, saying he was interested in getting with me alone. He would send me shots of himself in various, non-sexual poses. Like photos of himself getting a hair cut or posing on a hiking trail. Just random shit.

“I want to fuck you,” he said.

“Not interested man. I’m a top,” I would answer.”By the way, does Phil know you are calling me Jake.”

“No,” he would say.

Over time Jake’s telephone conversations got more erratic and rambling. He was once married and said he wanted to go back to being with a woman because  he was getting older and desired children. Then he swore he was in love with me. Other times he would say he still loved Phil but didn’t want to live with him or fuck him.

My mother grew up down south and often uses old-fashioned, country sayings. Sometimes when a person she knew would ramble off at the mouth and say crazy shit she would mutter, “They are jumping time.”

The saying I think refers to a car with a faulty timing belt. They idle fast and then slow, rev up and down. When I talked to Jake I would think of mama’s saying.

Last week he called me at 11:30 at night, waking me from a sound sleep. The conversation was the same — all over the place. He and Jake were breaking up, he was in love with some new boy, he was tired of the “superficial” gay life, some family members were praying for him to go straight, and he wanted a woman again and to have kids.

Jumping time.

I had enough. Nigger was fucking with my sleep.

“Look Jake, if you get married in a few months you will be cheating on her with dudes…you like a man’s ass!”

“If you want kids adopt or get a foster child. A lot of gay men do.”

“If you and Phil are having problems or you feel yourself going crazy go get counseling. You are a professional and have health care. Mental issues are covered.”

“And stop being so self centered. When I get obsessed with my problems I volunteer. Why don’t you do the same. It might make you feel better.”

The next day Jake called to say thank you and the conversation had helped his state of mind. We all agreed to meet at a gay club. He and Phil had decided to break up but were still friendly.

Last Saturday he texted me saying he wanted to go out. And Phil would join him. We met at one club and went to a second. Phil stayed at the first but told me I could roll with Jake, just bring him home safe. From the wistful, tender way Phil said it I could tell he still loved Jake but was weary of him too.

We went to the second club, split up and I had fun hanging with my buddy rex, who was also there. But when I drove Jake home things got crazier and crazier. Maybe because he had been drinking.

Jake told me he was feeling me and demanded I kiss him. Then he put his hand on my crotch right over my dick.

“Nigger, take your fucking hand off my dick,” I growled. “If you don’t I’ll pull over, kick you out with my size 12 foot, and you can walk the fuck home.”

“Why are you so mean to me Immanuel,” he whined.

“Because I’m not feeling you. So don’t try to go there.”

He jumped time and started to criticize my friends he had met at the club, calling them “dirty” and beneath his level.

“I’m Ivy League educated,” he bragged.

“Dude, I know folks with doctorates that don’t have common sense,” I responded.

Then he jumped time again.

“I  hope I’m not HIV positive.”

“Dude what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I’m in love with this dude and I fuck him raw. I found out he is HIV positive and I kept fucking him. I’ve fucked him like 30 times.”

“Jake, are you crazy? Put on a condom dude. You know better than that. We’re not some young kids. Go get an HIV test next week.”

I couldn’t wait to get him home. Phil had to come down to let us into the condominium building.

“I’m going to have a talk with Phil man,” I said to Jake.

“No please don’t tell him all this,” Jake whined like a five-year old trying to get a friend not to tattle on him.

I sat both of them down in the lobby. I told Phil Jake had been calling me repeatedly since last summer but I did not tell him Jake had been hitting on me. I didn’t bring up the HIV issue either. I just told Phil that Jake needed help and how the hell could he put up with his bullshit.

Jake jumped time again. “I don’t want to hear this,” he said, probably trying to cut he conversation short before I told the real dirt. “Let’s go Phil.”

I pushed him back down the sofa. “Nigger, if you get up again before I’m ready for you to leave I will beat…the…fucking…shit..out…of…you,” I growled, emphasizing each word,

Jake sat down and shut the hell up. Phil just looked weary. It was two o’clock in the morning.

“Look, I don’t have time for your issues,” I said to the both of them. “I got issues too. I just separated from my wife, moved out and embarked on a new life, and am starting a new career. But you don’t see my whining and complaining. If you two are going to break up, just break up.”

Phil finally ended the conversation. He said he and Jake were making plans to separate. I couldn’t argue with that. I gave Phil a heartfelt hug and I rolled the fuck out, leaving the two of them to their misery.

This morning Jake sent a picture message on my phone. An image of a breakfast table after the meal is over. Plates with half eaten food on them. Crazy. Dumb. Shit.

I erased it and did not answer back.

11 thoughts on “Jumping Time

  1. How old are these people????….sigh… I feel very sorry for the black gay man. Closed in and turned insane from the after effects of society. I can't believe that men of a certain age actually have this kind of behavior and thought processes. Continuing to have unprotected sex with someone who is a known HIV+???? Claiming to be in love every other week with someone different???? Considering marriage with a woman when its clear what your real motivations are?? Constantly on the brink of total insanity and lack the determination to seek “real” help?? ….As a young affirmed black man these situations drain me. Thanks for sharing…

  2. Yusuf:

    I'm learning quickly in this lifestyle to screen out crazies. I was really hoping to be buddies with Jake but he needs help and obviously is not getting it.Now I'm not taking his calls…he called me twice today come to think of it.

    These dudes are in their late 30s to early 40s.They should know much better.But I'm finding a lot of gay men never have to mature…they can act like teens their whole lives. When you've been married, had kids, mortgage, bills and had to sacrifice for others your whole perspective changes. I come from another world.

  3. It's not the orientation that makes one doggish or crazy. Just ask some women about their carzy ass men that say they love them then go have unprotected sex (Tiger Woods anyone?), or say they love them them beat them (Bebe Winans, and Mike Tyson anyone?). What makes a man is honor and integrity. Those are qualities that is not based upon orientation.

  4. It might be true that it can be said for the general population, but you will also see that there is a disproportionate amount of men in the lifestyle who have issues “upstairs”. And it is often directly related to their perceptions of self, in a society that cant appreciate 1 good thing about them. Yes, you have your hetero assholes that do stupid things all the time, but one can not strongly argue that their mental dysfunctions are tied to their sexual orientation, at least not nearly as much as a gay man is. Heterosexual men such as tiger woods, cheat because men are naturally wired to have more than one sexual partner, always been the case. And they may beat women when they feel insecure, but these feelings are not likely tied to a desire to be accepted by society, as much as it may be a feeling of general inadequacy or poor rearing. I know men walking around at 50 years old who have accomplished “very little” in their lives because of the secrecy of their sexual desires alone; they isolated themselves to prevent someone from “finding out”. Even psychiatric researchers have shown that gay men tend to suffer more from mental health issues than any other “group” of men….black GAY men being the worse. Immanuel's associate is most likely suffering from a common case of black gay man's “crazy” syndrome…a direct extension of conflict with his sexuality

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  6. I still don't agree. I know quite a number of accomplished black, gay men who have it on the ball. I'm 48 and my friends range from early 30's to late 50's. Maybe it's the group of men one hangs with. We all as human beings have issues. We all have things we carry, be it issues from alcoholic parents, or disabilities, weight, abusive parents/partners, ect.

    I feel you became what you imagine. If you think the worst of yourself, you become that. If you think the best of yourself you accomplish that. I always believed that as a gay man I could have it all. The white picket fence and all. I know men who say all men are dogs and are never to be trusted, so they always meet that reality. I know people are a mix of all those things and have met that reality. The good and the bad. I'm fine with that.

    I also don't believe in excusing “cheating ho” behavior on the behalf of men. I mean that if you want to screw around with the whole nation I feel that's fine. I enjoy that myself, but I don't think that having someone at home, who you call your lover/partner while doing it is excusable behavior. Just be single and have a ball. There are men who live their whole lives with one partner at a time (gay/straight). So regardless of one's issues or psychosis, it is possible. Maybe not everyone, but it is possible.

  7. Very good post Anonymous! Very good!…You brought up a very important point that I failed to mention as a part of my argument.

    I tend to attract very good people (and things) into my life which is the “law of attractions” you speak of. But to address the original element, I too know many black gay men who have it “on the ball”…And they aren't crazy either. But what I also observe is that there are certain traits of these men (I know) that prevent them from having these feelings of insanity: they are 1.) an education, whether it earned degrees or street smarts 2.) a self esteem that is built beyond what you do in bed, and 3.) a support system (be it friends or family) that allow them to navigate life, avoid feelings of depression and self-loathing behavior, and become socially functional human beings.

    You will rarely find a gay black man possessing all 3 of the above who thinks like Immanuel's friend. Missing even 1 of these, however, puts one at greater risk for developing these “defective” thought processes. I am very happy (and proud) that the men you know are “on the ball”. But I can almost guarantee that these men you speak of possess a significant level of such traits I've pointed out above. Those are the pillars of a successful gay black man. And they are often essential to any “picket fence” future that you speak of. It is these that give rise to a gay black man who is happy with himself and happy with life…Thanks for the stimulation of conversation!

  8. Gay Men, Bi Men, Straight Men all have issues.. Acutally, my brother is a professor at UCLA and he is married…………He cheats on his wife………He fucks unprotected……He breaks up with her every other day…….

    Men are all alike!

  9. I am an avid reader of Immanuel's blog…. I loved his writing skills and his humor. I do too, follow other blogs and love to read the development of readers.. blogs.. However, Immanuel blog is the same old shit from the first time – I read it.. The only thing that has changed is that – I remember one entry that he feels uncomfortable going to gay bars, and the latest blog he is club hopping gay clubs… I guess the only thing the he evolved in.. in the gay world.. is going to gay bars….

    As a reader, the only thing i get out of his blog is sex sex sex sex.. I hardly think – that Immanuel is on the down low or even married… I am not hating on him, but if someone feels so comfortable going to sex parties and gay clubs how can he be a man of substance.

    How can a man of self worth, no matter what go to a sex party. A party just for sex.. Yes we are men and men are always horny, but damn have some self worth and diginity… I been gay and I have values… I love my life and I would not let anyone just fuck my ass.

    oh well

  10. You are welcome Yusuf. I enjoy this blog and the evolution that Immanuel is going through. It's almost like being there:-) Immanuel you bring up some wonder points and it is great to read your evolution.

    I personally think sex parties are great fun. you go there knowing the reason everyone is there, and it cuts the crap. i also love one on one love. It fulfills as nothing else really can. But in lieu of that a nut sometimes will suffice.

    I think your blog is great. Keep it up:-)
    Peace, D1961

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