I met him a few weeks ago. Not for a hookup but just to talk, because he really needed a friend.
“Xavier” is handsome and successful. He flies around the world for his job, drives a top of the line Lexus and lives in a mini mansion in a gated golf course community. A handsome, brown skinned, slightly plump brother with hair so curly it looks wet.
But his eyes have a haunted, guilty look. He is yet another married brother who is gay but trapped by family and societal expectations. We meet online and I tell him I have separated from my wife. He reads the blog and agrees to meet me. We talk in the parking lot of the apartment building where I live.
“My wife found out I like men so we are trying to work through it,” he says.
“Wow, how is that working out?”
“Well, we agreed to have an open relationship but now a guy is calling her and I have to admit I’m jealous.”
“Look Xavier, you don’t have kids so why not just get out of the marriage and let her be free to pursue her interests and you be free to do yours. Plus dude you are a bottom. You like dick. There is nothing wrong with that. It is the way God made you. So be yourself.”
But Xavier said he is not ready to drop the facade of a successful black male with the perfect job, perfect wife and perfect house. He said he was afraid of how his family would react and he didn’t like society’s attitude toward gay men.
I guess he is afraid he will branded a sissy. Never mind that many gay and bisexual men I meet are very masculine.
Well something changed in the past month. He called me today but I didn’t have time to talk to him. So he sent this text to my cellphone:
“So much has changed since last convo. The mrs and I have temp seperated. Will chat with u later. Xavier”
One reason I decided to write this blog is to connect with men in a similar situation and offer support. Xavier reached out to me just to talk and to bare his emotions. That takes bravery. And maybe I set an example…who knows?
Things will work out Xavier. Just take them one day at a time.