Slow Down



One of my best buddies “Andre” sends me an email. “I need to talk to you. I’m worried.”

“Uh oh,” I think, feeling like a little kid caught pissing in the neighbor’s garden. “What did I do?”

I respect Andre. His advice is always sound. He was married to a woman at one time. After that relationship ended he transitioned into the gay world. He has buried two long-term lovers and at times struggled financially.

But he always keeps going and is one of the warmest people I know. His door is always open and you know you can go there to land a decent meal, good conversation, great sex, or just have an ear to listen to.

Andre read the blog about crazy “Evan” and it concerned him.

“You really need to slow down and be careful. I don’t want to read about you in the newspaper.”

I bristle a bit inside but I tell myself shut up and listen and learn. Andre has been in the gay world a lot longer.

“And you need to limit these sex parties. If you get a reputation for going to them people can talk about you. And some of these queens can be vicious. You just haven’t seen that yet.”

“Look, I’m going to take you to some events where there is not sex so you can meet some gays who are doing some positive things.”

“And don’t put so much information in your blog about what you do. People can use that against you, too. And you should really consider forming a support group to help other guys like you. You know, you don’t how you could help somebody else.”

“Hey Andre, I appreciate that. I’ll listen to what you say,” I respond. And I plan to.

Okay, from what I read when guys come out they get real promiscuous because the gay life is new and they want to bust loose and express themselves. But later you get acculturated and tone the sex down, going more for quality than quantity.

Other buddies “in the family” tell me Andre’s advice is sound. My good buddy “Rex” said I could meet a crazy hookup who is mad I don’t want to sex them any more. That person could spread vicious gossip about me.

Wow, this gay culture is more complex than I thought. There are land mines out there. I feel like a babe in the woods sometimes.

13 thoughts on “Slow Down

  1. u need to do just what he says. There are folks that think that thats all we gays do is hump like rabbits and reading your blog, who would think otherwise? I think you have a lot more to offer and can really make something of urself now that you are starting over with this new life. Find some substance. Youve had sex before…cool been there done that…now do something meaningful with your time and meet a guy with some long lasting qualities. See if this is really for you…try a real relationship and be an example of strength for yourself!

  2. Dre is giving you some sound advice. The gay culture just like anything else is a mix of good, bad and ugly and lucky for you…you haven't seen the ugly yet. In doing some counseling, I met a young brother and we've stayed in contact over years no sex but more so like a little brother and his life is an example of what not to do…he left his girlfriend and embraced the gay culture in his 20s and went on a sex and drug binge from sex parties to sex clubs to crystal meth booty bumps. Least to say he started out safe but ended up outthere high and dick after dick. Went from hiv to full blown aids in a year. He now sees nothing wrong with not using a condom and infecting those who in the heat of the moment want it raw too. The dl culture is full of brothers who get sex in the heat of the moment because it's quick thing…get a nut and get back to their real life with wifey or girlfriend which accounts for in some instances the reckless and lack of condom use. The point is life is less than 100 yrs on average and you want to be around to see your kids grow up. So, I also say…slow your roll you've had your binge this past yr safely but there much more on the emotional level than just dickem down and nut. After the nut, then what is there to talk about. You're going to meet all kinds…it's life. You don't want to meet some crazy ass person who becomes your latest nightmare all because of the sex or the dick they can't get…great speaking with you the other day…CAv

  3. Thanks guys for the advice and I intend to follow it. And Cav, it was great talking to you although all the noise at the company xmas party made it hard to listen.

    I found there is a support group here for coming out men and I plan to take advantage of it. I'll let you know how things go.

    Thanks again for the words o wisdom.

  4. Your friend gave some sound solid advice. However it seemes mostly based out of fear. As long as you're safe and not hurting anyone I see no problem. And as far as the gays possibly talking-who cares. Why would you evolve your life around a group of people's opinion that dont matter. I would never suggest limiting or changing anything about yourself because of what someone else might think or say about you. To live a happy fulfilled life you have to live it for yourself.

    “Poor is the man who's pleasure's depend on the permission of another.”

  5. Wow, Toy Couture, thats very wise advice there…..I always thought that way, but then again I've always been known to not give a shit and be pretty damn raw LOL

  6. I agree with him.

    Some gay men can be straight up and down catty bitches when they want to be. When we get into this lifestyle, it can be a world of easy sex and countless hookups – but it is also a dangerous world once you get deep into it. Do not get caught up because I have stories, I will share on my blog on a later date, about people being sucked in (literaly) and spit out with a negative outcome.

    Jamari ends with: Be careful.

  7. Totally true. When I really came out I went buck wild. All that pent up sexual energy came out, I have a strong sex drive anyway, I fell in love, well I thought I did and it scared these guys.
    I’m learning to take things slow from now on.

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