Evan



I was at a sex party Friday night — a hotel suite filled with black guys of all shapes and sizes licking, fucking, sucking and caressing.

The room was darkened so I didn’t see him at first. But I heard his voice when he called over to me.

“All these niggas in here are scared of you but I’m not,” he said.

Then he came across the room and pushed me back on the bed, pinning me down. He spread my legs like he was trying to fuck me. I’m a tall brother and work out to keep my body tight but he was stronger. I couldn’t push him off me. I tried to roll him off but that didn’t work either.

Finally, he eased up and got up off the bed, which was filled with at least two other couples in various stages of sex. I got up and pushed him up against the wall. I couldn’t let this dude come in the party and punk out the top with the biggest dick.

“Look dude, I don’t get fucked so don’t push up on me like that. Maybe I should fuck you.”

“You only get to fuck me if I fuck you,” he answered.

Something about his aggression and swagger attracted me. He was drunk and high too. His eyes looked sleepy, buzzed. We played with others as the night wore on but kept coming back to each other or “joning” on each other.

“Evan” told me he was from St. Louis so when he licked my nipples and kept biting them I said, “Shit, is that how you St. Louis niggers give foreplay? Get the fuck off me.”

Several guys at the party overheard me and laughed.

“Look, I’m hungry and live just 10 minutes away. Come home with me.”

I ain’t going to lie. The brother was handsome. Skin like a Hershey’s chocolate bar. White teeth. And large eyes. So I said sure, let’s roll.

We got some food at McDonalds and went to his crib. I sat at his dining room table and ate while he ran upstairs. I heard all this bumping, like something falling and went upstairs.

“Are you alright.”

“Oh, just trying to straighten up quick because I didn’t know I was going to bring someone home.”

He grinned at me when he said it. His smile was so dazzling, like a playful kid. But from then on things got weirder and weirder.

He rolled a blunt and lit it and we traded taking hits. “Don’t waste that shit, inhale nigga,” he said.

Then walked over and straddled my lap. He took the lit blunt and brought the glowing end toward my chest like he was going to burn me. “Don’t play like that,” I said, smacking his hand back. The ashes from the blunt drifted over my sweater. I brushed them off.

His mood changed. The aggression left and he really seemed sorry.

So we went upstairs and started to play. I’m no bottom but I agreed to try for him. But he couldn’t get his big dick hard for long. And I remembered at the party he had a hard time maintaining an erection. It was all good. I had banged two dudes at the party anyway. We body played, jacked off and busted a nutt and went to bed.

When the sun rose I was ready to shower and head home to a room I rent. But he asked me out to breakfast so we went to a diner and ate bacon and eggs, homefries, grits, waffles and french toast.

But then criticisms started. My voice was too loud. I talked too much. I asked too many questions about his life. I was out of line for asking him to contribute to the tip although I picked up the breakfast tab. I had disrespected his house because I went into the refrigerator to get ketchup without asking him.

He criticized two guys at the sex party who he said had talked to his ex-lover about him behind his back. It must of bothered him because he kept bringing it up.

And every half hour he would say, “I throw niggers out when they talk to much.”

“Muthafucka, fuck you,” I answered. “You’re the one who asked me home and then wanted me to go out to breakfast.”

When I said that Evan’s mood changed and the aggression abated. He got nice again and acted like he wanted me to stick around.

He took me along with him to run more errands. We went to Walmart and checked out the after-Black Friday sales. Then we went back home and I helped him set up a new bed.

But I said something else that made him mad and he said for the umpteenth time I could just leave. So I went downstairs and put on my shoes and leather jacket.

“Hey man, I had a wonderful day.” And I meant that. This was one of the few times I just hung around with another gay guy doing normal stuff.

“See ya,” he said. Later I sent him a text saying we could be friends if he ever wanted to hang out. And I called later to check on him because although he tried to project an image that he was all together he was fraying a little around the edges.

He didn’t pick up the phone or text back so I chalked the whole thing up to an educational experience. I learned that although I’m a friendly guy that doesn’t mean I can be friends with everybody.

Evan also told me not to blog about him because he didn’t want people in his shit. But do I care? Evan can’t barely keep his emotions under control, let alone control my blog.

photo by Taevon Palmer

Five Things I Like About Gay Men



Happy Thanksgiving!

Okay, a few months back I wrote about what I hated about some gay men — materialism and inflated egos to name a few. I got a several positive compliments but a lot of flack from a gay guy whose opinions I value highly. He said I shouldn’t categorize folks.
Well, since today is a holiday and I’m eating with the family at relatives and don’t have to cook a lot (well, I am going to make BBQ ribs but that’s easy!), I have time to write a quick blog about what I like about gay and bisexual men. Okay, I’m categorizing again. But this time I’m categorizing in a good way.
1. Sense of Style: There are gay men who walk around looking like bag men, but most whom I met have a superior sense of style. Want to know what will be in style next year? Look at what your gay friends wore two years ago!
2. Sense of Joy: Hey, many gay folks know how to have fun. Go to a gay bar and see all the people dancing. Many don’t even bother to have a partner. They just go out there and flow with the music. I went to a local gay bar with a friend last night and just stood on the sidelines, enjoying the show and swaying to the music. I guess being gay can be difficult in so many ways gays learn to find joy where they can.
3. Friendship: Gay men cheat just like all men. Sex is sex. But when you befriend one you have a friend for life. “Andre” and “Rex” have gone from being sexual hookups to almost brothers. I can talk to them about anything and they are brutally honest with me. I mean brutal. Every man needs a friend to tell him when he’s doing well and when he is fucking up.
4. Toughness: Being a gay or bisexual black man is no joke. Yeah, things are getting better, gay marriage is legal in Massachusetts and several states, and gay rocker Adam Lambert kissed a dude for all the world to see on “American Music Awards.” But to be gay in the face of societal, religious and familial pressure is a major accomplishment. Being gay, especially openly gay, is not for the faint-hearted.
5. The Sex!: Sex with women is great! There is nothing like the feeling of plunging your dick in a wet tight pussy, or feeling a woman’s body vibrate with pleasure as you eat her out. But sex with dudes is intensely pleasurable as well. A man knows how to please another man. Plus, it can be much rougher than with a woman. It’s like a good gym workout! Sweaty, hot. As long as you got the right dude.
Well, I didn’t mean to write long and I won’t. Thanks for reading my blog. I am humbled by all the encouraging compliments.

Still Waters run Deep



I first hooked up with “Edmond” more than a year ago and I always wanted to go back because the sex was good. Edmond is a muscular, brown-skinned dude with a broad chest, high bubble ass and a long thick dick.

He is the epitome of down-low. Masculine. Blue collar. He drives a truck at night and sleeps during the day. You would never know he likes dudes — never.

We enjoyed each other the first time and now that I am free I had the chance to hit him up this morning.

Edmond never has much to say. When he texts you the answers are short and to the point.

“How much time do you have before you got to get to work,” he asks me on an online gay hookup Web site.

“About an hour and a half –send me your address.”

“Cool, come on over.”

He sends the address and I’m off.I get to his place in 40 minutes, arriving about 6:45 in the morning.

We go back to the bedroom and he lays a blanket over his bedspread for us to play on. A porno movie plays on a flat screen at the foot of the bed. A straight film. Black guys with big dicks fucking ghetto girls with plump asses and juicy, gaping pussies. The sight of that makes me miss rolling with a woman for a minute but then Edmond is on me and I get into him.

We lick each others nipples. Suck each others dicks. I eat his ass, lapping and spitting in the crack. Then I massage him and kiss and nibble on him from the top of his close-shaved head to his toes.

You know that old song that goes something like “Anything you can do I can do better”? Well, that was how we were …everything I do to Edmond he does back to me.

Edmond was quiet the first time we net a year ago. But this time he moans. And he takes things up a notch.

“I want you to fuck me with that dick,” he says.

“We didn’t fuck the first time,” I answer. “I didn’t think you were into that.”

“Nah, I want it this time,” he said.

But he doesn’t have condoms. He gets up and rummages through the top dresser drawer and there are none there. But that doesn’t mean the action didn’t get better. He took things up another notch.

“I like it nasty,” he says. “Spit on me.”

So when I suck his dick and eat his ass I spit, making them slicker.

“Spit in my face nigga,” he says. And I do. He moans and jerks his dick faster, stopping sometimes to lather on more lube.

“I like it rough Immanuel,” he says. He sounds like he really means it.

SoI slap him around a little. And start ordering him around. “Eat my ass out nigga! Suck this long black dick.”

I stand over him and fuck his mouth…harder and harder.

“I better not feel no teeth,” I say. “Just your mouth.”

The shit clearly turned him on. He moaned and called my name when I lay on him and rubbed my erect dick between his legs. He was always so quiet before.

Now I see that old saying that still waters run deep is true.Edmond was a deep freak. Now it was time to for me to take it up a notch.

Edmond’s ass was tight but he inhaled from a bottle of poppers, making his ass loosen. So I inserted one finger and then two into his lubed ass. And started fucking him with my fingers as if my dick was in there. Hard.

I even lifted his legs up and spread them to get my hand in deeper. My fingers were in him up to the third knuckles. He kept moaning, trying to take it like a champ.

“That’s enough, stop,” he said. Shit, I won.

I finished up jacking off standing up by the bed. Edmond lay on his back in the bed with his head hanging over the mattress and his face buried up my ass, licking my nutts. I came all over his chest. He finished a few minutes later, asking me to play with his balls because that made him cum harder.

He busted his nutt and fell asleep a moment, snoring softly. I had forgotten that my day was just beginning but since he worked nights it was time for him to go to sleep.

Making the Leap



It is done. I’ve told my wife I am leaving. She was understanding and kind… resigned.

I will share a two-bedroom apartment with a married, straight dude whose wife is away in grad school. It is ideal – less than a mile from my family home. So I can stay a part of my kids lives, which is really where my focus is now.

My wife and I are discussing when I will have weekends with the kids, how the bills will be paid etc. Financially, we are at a place where we can do this. I’m sad and happy at the same time. I feel weird, like a stranger in a strange land.

Some of my down-low friends have said go back, patch that stuff up. But the damage has been done. She knows. Every time I go to the store or gym she will be wondering – is he cheating on me. That’s not the way to live –she deserves a mate who will be totally committed to her. Who knows? She may have found him already (smile).

Besides, you can’t have your cake and eat it too. I always had a reputation as an upright, stand-up guy. That is, until I let a dude suck my dick and eventually discovered , “Damn, I prefer the company of men.” But now living a double life is too tiring. I’m tired of the lying. It’s stupid. This is 2009, not 1959!

My buddy “Andre” and I talked about this a few days ago. About down-low men who are so used to lying and covering up their true identities that lying becomes a part of their essence, their very souls. Nah, I want to live in the light! Fuck that!

Now, it’s time to explore the gay world. I’ve met some good folks over the past few months but many liars and players. Any advice readers can give me would be much appreciated…I would love to hear from men black white, red, yellow and polka-dot who have been down this road.

Maybe it’s time to change the name of this blog from “Confessions of a Down-low Brother” to “Adventures of a Newly Gay Married Brother Who Used to Be Down-Low and Gave that Shit Up.”

Okay…that title is too long…I’ll think of something else…

Two Threesomes, Fried Fish, Macaroni and Cheese and Slaw on the Side



Doing a threesome is always an unpredictable venture, which is why I like doing them so much. Its’ like gambling, only your pleasure is at stake, not your money.

Wednesday was a holiday so I had all day to play. I hadn’t had good sex in weeks so I was looking to get some. But would my gamble pay off?

A buddy of mine, “Emmett,” invited me over to his place to for my first threesome of the day with a buddy of his, “Luke.” Emmett is a handsome, dark-skinned beefy brother with a fat dick. He comes from the south, and has a warm, down-home manner that is like a ray of sunshine in our metropolitan area, which like most cities in the north has a reputation for cool, unfriendly folks.

Emmett is also HIV positive but is upfront about his status. I admire that about him — putting your status out there can lead to quick rejection which is why so many guys lie.

I was also looking forward to meeting Luke, who I have chatted with online for a year, but never met. Emmett and Luke have been friends since Emmett first arrived in our city years ago. When Luke arrives they start bantering back and forth, sometimes gossipping about folks I don’t know. It was nice to sit back and listen to them.

Finally, we went downstairs to Emmett’s playroom and the fun started. Emmett is the best kisser I know – his tongue felt like velvet as it explored my mouth. And Luke, a tall, light-skinned brother with a neatly trimmed beard and long, slim legs, gave good foreplay. He licked my nipples, sucked my dick and softly massaged my legs and arms.

But when I tried to fuck Luke his ass was too tight. “It’s been a few months,” Luke said. I tried a couple of times and my penis went part of the way in and it felt good, but I didn’t want to force the issue. And Emmett had problems holding his erection so he lay back and watched Luke and I go at it, joined us, or played with us one at at time.

The point was that it was not about banging each other out like porn stars. It was about two buddies and one new friend taking time to get together, talk, bond through sex, and go about our business. I think using sex as a way of bonding is something most heterosexuals don’t get but bi- and gay folks do all the time.

It was a pleasant, sensual way to spend the morning. Thanks Emmett and Luke.

—-

Okay, I left Emmett and Luke and went on to my next threesome with my long-time buddy “Andre.” Andre had set up a threesome with a 35-year-old versatile dude who loves to get fucked, “MacKenzie.”

But before going to Andre’s I went to a soul food joint downtown and got one of my favorite meals – fried fish with macaroni and cheese and coleslaw on the side. Two corn-mealed fried croakers with plenty of hot sauce.

I ordered at the lunch counter and fell to talking with the waiter and two black guys eating a late breakfast. Of course the conversation turned to the “Beltway Sniper” John Allen Muhammed who had been executed by lethal injection the night before.

“I was so surprised when they captured him and he turned out to be black – I was sure it was a crazy white man,” said one of the guys at the bar, a dark-skinned dude with large, slightly portruding eyes and crooked teeth.

“I come from Baton rouge and grew up the next road over from him,” he continued. “He was crazy then. He used to beat up his first wife all the time and the whole neighborhood would hear it.”

I listen and join the conversation but don’t say what I’m thinking deep inside. Was Muhammed a repressed homosexual? I mean, what grown man rides around the countryside shooting folks with a young teenage boy? And all the photos have them sitting side by side looking just like lovers – the black male Thelma and Louise.

Oh well, just a thought.

I got to Andre’s apartment. He knew I was coming so like always he left the door open and I just walked right in. He was back in his bedroom, surfing the computer for more sex hookups.

“Hey, you want some fish, man,” I ask.

“No, I’m not hungry.”

“Okay, well I’m going to sit down and eat.”

“Okay, shoot yourself.”

I like my fish with ketchup and hot sauce. But no ketchcup turned up after a search of Andre’s kitchen cabinets and fridge.

“Hey, you got any ketchup?” I call back to the bedroom.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Okay, I’ll just have to eat my damn fish with nothing but hot sauce.”

After I ate I rinsed my mouth to get rid of the fishy smell and hopped in bed. McKenzie wasn’t there yet but soon Andre, an oral top, started working me over. He went from my ass to my dick to my nipples, flickering his tongue over me like a snake. He even tried a new technique, using his tongue to “thump” against my asshole and nipples.

The sound and the feel of his tongue lapping sent tingles up and down my body. “Shit, do that again…lick my nipples like that again,” I said.

But no sooner than he started than the doorbell rang and McKenzie was there. I am dark-skinned but he was even darker. His skin as the color of semi-sweet chocolate and just as smooth.

Andre walked into another room and I got started sucking McKenzie’s nipples. He was shy at first but soon he heated up and I was fucking him all over Andre’s bed. At one point I had him lean over the footboard while I fucked him from behind savagely, pushing his body into the wooden rail with my dick like a hammer beating a nail.

Andre leaned back in the rocking bed and watched, his dick hard as a rock. He took over awhile and fucked McKenziedoggy style. I loved looking at McKenzie’s face while he got fucked – the mixture of pleasure and pain.

We fucked so long and hard I was sweating and took a break to shower with McKenzie, taking that opportunity to push his body up against the cold tile walls and rub my dick between this dark thighs. Then we dried off and went back to bed and fucked a little longer and I jacked off.

I actually busted two nutts – one on McKenzie’s face and chest and seconds later on his torso. I hadn’t cum earlier so the nutt was all backed up in my groin. I came so much I felt like I was pissing.

We talked awhile and then McKenzie and I dressed and said goodbye to Andre, thanking him for the hospitality. Andre had another bottom coming over to fuck after us – a light-skinned dude. We were his chocolate but guess he wanted vanilla too.

This morning Andre sent me this text:

“Damn shame i am still horny it keeps coming in my mind how hot it was watching u 2 go at it. Damn that was hot as hell…”

Glad you liked it Andre. Take care.

Idris the Liar Part 2



Do you remember “Idris,” the guy who wanted a one-on-one relationship with me last summer.

The one who I had all the steamy, phone sex with. Idris tried to get into my favor by saying he is in the same situation. He was just another down-low brother with a girlfriend who was looking for just one good dick to swing with.

But the shit didn’t add up and I confronted him. “You really are living with a dude?” I demanded to know.

He refused to answer the question so I broke off contact. Well, we reconnected about a month or so ago when he texted me. He wanted to keep the same shit going…phone boning and maybe a hook-up in the flesh from time to time. But I wanted to get the real deal.

“You are really living with another dude,” I asked again. “Why would you lie?”

There was a long pause and then he spoke. “Well, I wanted to get with you and I knew you are married and play with a lot of other married dudes so I wanted to get in. So I just played along.”

“But dude, why lie about some shit like that?” So we picked up again for about a week from where we left off. Calling and texting. And me sending him the occasional cell photo of my rock hard dick.

“Man, I want that,” he would answer. “When can I have some.” He weaved another tale to me. He had met a guy down south and rented out his home and moved to our northern metropolitan area to be with him.

His lover is about seven years younger with a huge dick. But he developed erection problems and then two decided to play with others. Except his boy got more into playing the field than Idris did, leaving Idris to sit at home and pine away. So Idris started playing too.

Since the dude lied to me before of course I didn’t believe a word coming out of Idris mouth. There is a saying that someone who lies about little things will lie about big things.

We went went back and forth awhile. One Sunday morning when I was alone I called Idris. “My boy just fucked me from behind while we were laying in bed and opened my ass up,” he said. “He opened me up for you. Why don’t you come by tomorrow and fuck this hole?”

Wait a minute, I think. You are supposed to on the outs with your boy and about to move out. You’re supposed to be sleeping in separate rooms. And I thought you boy’s 11 inch dick didn’t stay hard?

Idris was lying again.

I got real quiet on the phone. “Isn’t this turning you on?,” Idris asked. “No, it’s not. Look, I got things to do. I’ll see you later.”

And I hung up. I haven’t called Idris since.

About two weeks later I talked to gay buddy of mine named “Jerome.” Jerome is crazy as shit but he knows all the gossip. I give him Idris real name and location. And Jerome gives me the real shit on Idris.

Idris is unemployed and his lover is tired of him. He wants him gone. Idris is the one fucking everything on two legs, not his roommate. Oh, and they both are HIV positive. In fact some of the “boys” think Idris has developed full-blown AIDS, which is affecting his mind.

I just think the dude is just crazy for real. Don’t give HIV a worse name by saying it makes Idris lie.

Young Boy



I met young boy about two months ago on a gay sex hookup Web site. He is in his mid to late 20s. I was really not interested in him at first – too young. But he was persistent. So on a day when I had some time I agreed to come by and fuck him.

He claims he is in dental school and living with relatives in their basement. So I couldn’t knock on the front door. I had to call him, meet him outside and walk around back and come in through the patio door.

He was not bad looking but not good looking either. Pointy chin and long pointy nose – like a fox. A brown-skinned, short brother with six-pack abs. He said he had just got back from a morning run in the rain. He still had on his sweat clothes. I had on workout clothes too – black sneakers, black Nike nylon pants and a gray Nike hoodie.

“Damn that’s good,” he said. “Gym clothes turn me on.”

We started sexing on the basement floor but we had to be quiet. And elderly uncle lived upstairs. I stand six feet two and he was a foot shorter. I was afraid my dick would hurt him. So I ate his ass and ate his ass and caressed him and kissed him, warming him up. Then we pulled out the lube and I tried to insert my dick but he was sooo tight. So I stopped and got back to foreplay, working him and working him, licking and sucking that asshole.

Finally, his ass opened to me and the fucking commenced. Doggy style, then with me laying down on the floor with him straddling me, pumping his tight, lithe body up and down on my dick. My dick would only go about halfway in. I looked up at his face to see how he was handling it. He looked like he was in pain but he didn’t stop fucking.

I finally pulled my dick out, slid off the Magnum and squirted cum on his body. I can’t remember if he busted or not.

What I do remember is that young boy got attached to me too fast. We sat in my car and talked for a good while after sex. He seemed nice but I was already getting glutted with sex and didn’t want another 40-minute lover. Still, in the days ahead he would text me asking me when I wanted to fuck him again. And I did, taking another big-dicked top buddy who jacked off while watching me work young boy.

Young boy wanted an exclusive relationship with me and warned me there was disease out there. He claimed he was not “out there” that much and rarely had sex.

“I volunteer in an HIV/AIDS clinic,” he said. “You would be surprised how many guys I recognize from online coming in there with HIV and gonorrhea and all sorts of shit.”

“Oh, really?,” I said. “Why don’t you name some names so I can avoid them.”

“Naw, I ain’t saying,” he answered. “Why don’t you just roll with me then and be careful.”

So imagine my surprise yesterday when I was surfing the Web and find out he has acted in gay porn. The preview clips showed him getting fucked by a dark-skinned top. In the last clip the top shoots a white, gooey load of semen in young boy’s face.

“Give me that cum,” I think young boy said to the top. His eyes had that same look they had with me. Kind of darty and shifty.

“Damn,” I laughed. “Homeboy is a porn actor.”

I text him to let him know I know. Today, he sends this explanation: “I did that one time when I was 18…that was like 10 years ago.”

Funny, looks like he shot that shit a few months ago. Or maybe he is Dorian Gray and never ages.

I could put a link to the video clips on this blog but I’m not. He is a cool kid who has had a lot of tragedy in his life (if the stories he tells are true) and I’m not putting him out like that.

But this is just another example that lies and deceit are rife in the gay and down-low world. Nothing surprises me anymore.