Wonder Woman Drawers: Or What I Don’t Like About Gay Dudes

Okay, I’m on a gay hookup Web site today while I’m working, checking out the sights. And there is this guy wearing drawers that look like Wonder Woman’s costume — he could have stitched them pantaloons from the American flag.

His flat, pancake ass faced the camera and he leaned over so viewers could get a better look at that hot mess. I couldn’t resist joning.

“Where did you get the Wonder Woman drawers?,” I emailed him jokingly.

He didn’t get the drift.

“Ooh, do you like them,” he emailed back a few minutes later. “What are you doing? You want to meet?”

Okay, I play in the gay and straight world so I can talk about both sides. This guy demonstrated one of the things I hate about gay black guys. Some have egos so big they don’t know they are looking like fools. He really thought he looked hot wearing those girly bloomers.

True, gay men have to have egos. If you grow up with kids teasing you and Aunt Bunny mumbling you will burn in Hell for loving dick, you have to develop a hard outer shell — an ego of steel to deflect the bullets. But some gay men think they are cute and they are…NOT.

Check out the names some pick for their online profiles. “RedNSexxy”…”KuteBoi”… “TopsDeLite.” Come the fuck on. If you have to call YOURSELF sexy and cute you aren’t. Here are some more things about gay people I don’t like.

— MATERIALISM: A lot of gay black men are into what you wear, what you drive and how your house is decorated. This is shallow but understandable. Many gay men will live alone or with just a partner for most of their lives. So they tend to put a lot more into what they have. Plus they have more disposable income to buy toys. See how many flat screens you can buy with three kids. But this materialism can go overboard…every few months I read about some gay black man dressing like a woman and shoplifting in some high end, designer store. Is jail time worth Gucci?

— LYING: All men lie but Gay men lie for no fucking reason. They lie about their dick size, their butt size, their age, their relationship status, their HIV status. A rule of thumb is don’t believe shit a gay man says to you. I can understand the lying to some extent. To be gay in this nation you still have to keep your life under wraps and glide around the truth to be accepted in some social circles. But when you lie so much you can’t separate truth from fiction there is a problem.

— TIMING: Many gay black men I know have no sense of time or respect for your time. “Oh, you want to hook up with me…yeah come over,” they will say. Then five minutes later. “Oh, but I got to go get my hair cut first so I can look good for you.” Oh puleeze…I’m coming for sex, not a fashion show, I’ll say. Then I’ll tell them to forget it. Many gay people don’t have a sense of time because they only have to worry about themselves. Married men with kids know otherwise.

— MASCULINITY: Ask any gay black men if they are masculine and they will answer, “Yes!” Let them get a little dick and ask them again. I fucked this dude a few weeks back. While we were setting up the rendezvous his voice was a deep, low growl. He spoke in monosyllables. “Yeah man. Sure. Roll over here.” Soon as I pushed that dick up in him and made him squirt the nutt he got girly. “Oh, baby…you SO CRAZZZYY!,” he cooed at me. Masculinity is prized in the black community I guess, which is why so many gay black men fake it. But when a guy does a personality change like that it can be disconcerting.

— CRAZY: A lot of black gay men are crazy. Some have severe intimacy problems. Others willingly do unsafe sex practices they know could ruin their health and put them in their graves prematurely. Some will cut your throat if you try to leave them. I understand why. We live in a society that still does not value black people like it should or gay people. In fact, black folks can be some of the biggest haters of ourselves and our gay and lesbian brothers and sisters. So some gays develop severe self-hatred.

Well, these are just my opinions. Love them or leave them