An End, A Beginning

I have been married a long time. Half my life. But it’s time for it to end. We had grown apart before I slipped into the down-low world. But there are children involved, finances, and property. Entanglements.

I am making plans to move on to the next stage of my life and separate, but continue to take care of the homefront and be as courteous, respectful and loving as I can. It’s better for her — she has a right to someone fully committed to her. And it’s fair to me — I need to be myself because living a double life is so tiresome. And I need to restore the integrity I used to have.

So readers I’ll keep you abreast of my transition. What I’m doing. What I’m thinking. What I’m feeling. My erotic adventures. And I invite you to offer your advice and guidance. Just leave an anonymous comment.

And thanks for reading my blog. Less than a week ago I installed software to track readership. Don’t panic. The software doesn’t tell me who you are — just where readers come from and how often they read me. In just a week 200 people have visited this blog. That’s decent considering most of the readers come from word of mouth.

You come from all over the United States, United Kingdom, Indonesia, even Russia. Thanks for the interest. God bless you all.

7 thoughts on “An End, A Beginning

  1. Wow. I've been reading your blog for about a month now. Although I am intrigued by the avid down-low activity, recently I wondered if you'd ever consider leaving your wife because of the duplicity.

    I'm sure there will be heartbreak, but if you must do it to be fair to all parties involved, I congratulate you on making the move.

    I will continue to read your words as you go through this transition.

    Wishing you strength, courage and wisdom.


  2. I've been there – the statement about it not being fair to her is a great way to look at it – but after I came out my life got a whole lot better – no worries about being caught, coming up with stories about where i was going or what I was doing. It was rough at first, but 7 years later, so glad I did. People who love you, love you for who you are, not who you think they think you are.

    Congratulations and good luck.

  3. Immanuel:

    I commend you for coming clean. I discovered this blog while doing research. There is a man I am currently seeing, and based on certain conversations we have had, I suspect he plays for both teams. I am a heterosexual woman, and although open minded, am not sure that I am ready or willing to be in a relationship with someone who lives a dual life like this. Nonetheless, I think it's important for these conversations to be had. I am only in my 20's, so I guess our generation is more open-minded than yours.

    I do hope that you end your marriage, because as you said, it's not fair to you or your wife, and although it appears that you practice safer sex, the lifestyle you currently lead does put your wife at risk for diseases like herpes and HPV/Genital Warts. Even if she is angry with you initially, I do believe she will come to appreciate your ability to be honest. I'm not sure if you are even going to tell her about your DL lifestyle, or if you are just going to end it for other reasons.

    Do you think she suspects something is up? As you said, you all have grown apart, so I would wonder if she has started to piece things together. Women do know when something is wrong, they just don't always know what it is. We have a sixth sense intuition.

    Good luck to you and God bless. I hope that God can use you to provide further insight into this lifestyle. Also, I would like to know if there are any signs we as women can become more aware of or conversations you believe we should have with a man to help us determine if this is a lifestyle he is open to. I think that more men on the DL should be able to find women who are either okay with a bisexual living man, or find a bisexual woman who doesn't care. But in order for that to happen, the conversation must be had. I would appreciate if you did a blog entry on how to have those conversations. Thanks!

  4. Anonymous:
    Writing about my marriage has been something I have not done. It's extremely painful.

    I did not marry my wife as a cover. I was fully committed to her but over time realized we had grown apart. Then out of boredom and frustration and loneliness (mental loneliness) I hooked up with a guy and then got into it.

    I need to write about our relationship..what went wrong etc. And she did find out although she does not know the extent.

    Give me a few days. It will be a tough thing for me to write but I have to do it.

    And thanks for reading my blog. This experience has been very cathartic and I'm hoping God will let me help someone else.

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