"I Think I’m Going to Try Str8 Life Again"

“Don” is down-low married black man I invited to a small sex party a few months ago. The action had already started in the hotel room when Don arrived.

Don, a handsome, middle-aged brother with a solid, athletic build, quickly stripped off his clothes and jumped into the action. First he fucked “Preacher Man” with rapid, energetic strokes. Then he took on another slender, versatile guy named “Morris” who I have been rolling with.

I looked on with a mixture of awe and arousal. Don fucked like a maniac. A man on a mission.

Everybody had a good time — Don had an easy-going, jovial manner about him. The group promised to get together again. Then Don had to quickly shower and rush out to pick up his son from school.

Later Don and I struck up a friendly email exchange on a gay hookup Web site. If I remember correctly, Don has been hooking up with men for almost two decades. Mostly he is a top but sometimes he likes to take dick too.

Thursday evening I got an email from Don on the Web site. “I’m glad you’re online. There was something I had to tell you,” Don’s message begins.

He goes on to say he is tired of the down-low drama and is ready to try to live a totally “Str8,” or straight, lifestyle. He planned to delete his profile on the hook-up Web site. His message continues:

“I mean I’m getting offers from some hot young studs and I just can’t do it anymore. I think it is time to pull the ripcord. If i’m not able to get excited for hot and i mean HOT young smooth twink ass…This just might not be for me.”

Don has a point. The DL lifestyle can get tiring — all the running and sneaking around and setting up hookups. It can get extremely addictive, sucking away energy from other activities.
On one hand it can feel good and natural to express a side of your sexuality. But there is also the nagging guilt of cheating and the awareness you are breaking social and moral norms.

The bisexual, gay and DL lifestyle can also be superficial. Don and I are both handsome black men in our mid 40s. I am blessed with a good physique and good genetics. When I tell people I am in my 40s they are sometimes suprised, saying I look like I am in my mid to late 30s. But how long can I go before I turn into a dirty old man stalking the Internet in search of younger meat?

From his emails I can also not tell whether Don is having a bad day or just had a bad hookup. I know like a lot of us he is experiencing job and economic pressures.

“Are you depressed?” I ask him.

“It comes and goes,” he says in an email.

I sincerely wish Don luck with giving up the DL way. I give him my cell number so we can keep in touch. I doubt he will use it. We are more friends in cyberspace — and contact with me may prompt him to backslide.

And I wonder whether he can live up to his convictions. In the past week — no lie — I have been contacted by two, married down-low brothers in their late 40’s and 50’s who have taken a break from this for months and now are ready to jump back in. The urge comes back and they can’t resist.

One of them, “Maurice” emailed me, saying his wife was out of town and he was ready to play. He even told me he went to a men’s sex club in our metropolitan area one evening and got fucked on and off for hours.

I told you down-low men are like vampires. We look like everybody else and can blend in. But we have a desire — an itch that we must scratch. Then we go hunting for blood.

I’m hoping Don can resist the itch. I wish you all the best brother. We did not know each other well but I will miss you.

Profile of a Down-Low Brother: Preacher Man

“Preacher Man” is a pillar of his community. He is a pastor of a large church not far from our metropolitan area. He counsels people, helping them get their marriages back on track, find jobs, or a place to lay their heads at night.

But on days when he is not serving the Lord and his flock he is sexing men, sometimes several at a time. He is a serious “bottom,” or male who likes to be on the receiving end of anal sex. There have been times I have literally banged him off and on for hours and seen other men assault him with their dicks, too. We take turns.

It is like he can never get enough dick. Like he wants to get his ass punished and abused for his “sins.” Is it guilt for cheating on his wife? For doing a sexual act that some still consider an abomination, including members of his own church? I really can’t say — we have had some conversations but it seems like I can never figure this guy out or get to the heart of his motivations.

My buddy Andre hooked me up with Preacher Man more than a year ago. They had already swung together in a group of gay and down-low, mostly mature men.. I was one of the newest members of their set. The fresh new guy who had a long black dick and knew how to use it. So Preacher Man was eager to meet me.

We met one evening at a group sex thing at Andre’s. I will never forget he had on red underwear and was laying the bed with a smile, waiting for me to undress and mount him. A drink sat onthe bedside table — cranberry juice and vodka I believe. Preacher Man is a handsome, mature brother, a debonnair, aging pretty boy. He puts me in the mind of that 1970s movie hearthrob BillyDee Williams. Smooth but in a way that is slightly out of date in this age when most down-low men want to project a hard image.

He had been a bottom for years, since he was a teenager. He is more than 50 years old and can remember the days when nobody used condoms and guys just lubed up their dicks with vaseline and stuck it in. He can remember going to mammoth men-only sex parties in major cities on the East Coast. A lot of guys he used to roll with have died of AIDS. He credits the fact he has gotten married with saving him — I guess his wife took him out of circulation while that disease ravaged the gay community.

They have the perfect image. The successful black pastor and his beautiful wife. Sometimes I shudder to think what would happen to him if his parishioners found out.

We started to roll regularly after the first meeting with Andre, hooking up for sex at least once a week. At first the group didn’t even know he was a preacher. And he didn’t even use his real name. One day he called and his true name came up on my caller ID so I googled his name. I thought he was a businessman. Imagine my surprise to find I was pushing up in a man of God?

When I found out that I realized anybody could be down-low. There are no barriers.

But soon having sex with Preacher Man became a chore. You can fuck him for an hour or two hours and he still wants more unless he gets sore. He will arrange to fuck you even when he isn’t feeling well and then have to stop because he is not up to it, frustrating you. He will call you two or three times a day to set something up later. Sometimes I will see his number come up on my cell phone and ignore it because I am too busy. Other times I will give him a few minutes.

“Hey pretty boy,” he will say with his deep, pleasant chuckle. “How you be?”

I have never seen his dick get hard when we have sex and I have only seen him ejaculate a single time. He is such a total bottom all his sexual focus had shifted up his ass to his prostate gland and away from his dick. Old-time down-low brothers tell me that will sometimes happen with total bottom guys. Shit, Preacher Man even calls his asshole a pussy, which always makes me feel a little squeamish and embarassed to hear. He even had a long-time boyfriend he calls his “husband.”

Still he is a great guy. He is supportive and has prayed with me on the phone when I needed a prayer. And given me advice and counseling free of charge. But ultimately everything leads back to when am I going to serve him that dick again.

If he can’t get sex from me he will phone the next guy in our circle. He might be a bottom but he is aggressive when it comes to trolling for sex. How do I know this? My friends call each other and compare notes. He has worn us out and we joke that maybe he should hire an escort to dick him on demand. But what would happen if it was found he was using church funds to buy sex?

“Did Preacher Man call you today?,” I will ask one the guys in our group when they call to say hello.

“Yeah, he did. He wanted me to come by his house and fuck him after his wife left for work,” a buddy will say. “I just wasn’t up to it and told him I couldn’t make it.”

“Yeah, he called me today, too,” I will answer. “I need a break from that.”

Preacher Man attends several church-related seminars and meetings a year up and down the East Coast. He actually prefers to swing out of town to lessen the chances he will meet somebody he knows. I listen to his stories with mild shock. A lot of ministers are down-low, he says. And they can’t wait to get out of town to go to lectureships and funerals so they can hook-up in their hotel rooms and suck and fuck all night.

Look, I don’t want to judge. I am far from an angel. But sometimes I get sad thinking about Preacher Man. In an ideal world it wouldn’t matter if he was gay. I believe God doesn’t see sexual orientation or the car you drive, the size of your house, or how much coin you put in the collection plate. He looks at your heart. And I think Preacher Man really does have a beautiful heart.