Is You Is or Is You Ain’t My Baby?

So blog readers ask me. How is the one-on-one thing going with Idris?

Its only been a few weeks but I don’t think very well. Between our women, jobs, kids, homes, bills — who has time to meet?

We had planned a rendezvous for last Tuesday, but he wasn’t available due to his job. The next day I was downtown and offered too meet for lunch, but he was busy at work. Then Idris flew off for the weekend to visit relatives in the Midwest.

My friends in the down-low world give me their advice. “He just wanted to lock you down,” Andre says. “Some guys get off on capturing the guy everybody wants to have. Now that he has you he won’t be interested.”

“Well, it’s all good. Fair is fair,” I think to myself after hearing Andre say that. “Even players get played sometime.”

Another buddy “Robert” is married and down-low and has tried the relationship route before. “Immanuel, that only works when you live very close,” he advises me. “That’s the only way you can spend any time.”

Idris lives 35 miles from me. That can be an hour trip each way. Who has the time to do that?

Idris and I finally catch up with each other today via cell phone texting. We exchange pleasantries at first but I need clarity.

“Did u miss me nigga or do u want to end this one on one arrangement?,” I ask.

“I miss you, but I’m not sure where we stand,” Idris answers. “Its become clear to me that it will be very difficult to carry on two relationships at one time. I’m just not savvy enough to keep everybody happy.”

“It’s cool man…no sweat..we can continue to be friends,” I write.

“Did you mean it?”

“I desire u ….i want u… i want to know u better… but realistically how often can we meet?,” I text.

Then I drop this line: “Are u serious about continuing to try or are u over the initial fascination? If u r it is cool i understand.”

It takes Idris a long time to answer. Like 15 minutes.

“Let’s see how things go,” he finally texts.

Interview: Transsexual Aeon Farr

I was scrolling through profiles on a gay men’s hook-up Web site and came across Aeon Farr. There are transsexuals who post profiles but I had to admit Aeon looked more real than some I’ve seen.

In her photo she sported a conservative bob hairstyle and tasteful makeup. And she has a cute, pleasingly plump face. I swear she looked like one of my female cousins — only she dressed much better.

I’m not into transsexuals but I decided to send a compliment.”You really look authentic,” I said.

“Thanks,” Aeon answered.

There are different degrees of gayness. I’m a down-low black man on one side of the spectrum but on the other side are men who identify with being female. I know even in the down-low and gay community, transvestites (men who like to dress as women) and transsexuals (a person who has a strong desire to become the opposite sex and sometimes take hormones and surgery to do so), can be looked down upon.

But 1969 Stonewall riots, which are credited with helping launch the gay civil rights movement, would not have started unless transsexual men and other gay folks got tired of police harassment and fought back.

I’m curious about what it is like to be a transsexual. Gay and down-low men can hide their sexuality but transsexuals, I think, are some of the bravest peeps on the planet. So I asked Aeon, age 20, if she would like to be interviewed for my blog and she said yes. Here it is:

Q: How old were you when you realized you were more feminine than male?

A: I was always more feminine than male. I started off as gay. I came out at about 13 years old. As I got older I realized that even though I did have attraction for males I myself didn’t identify as male. One day I had to make my physical apperace match my internal identity.

Q: When did you begin to dress as woman?

A: I started to dress as a woman October of last year. I started taking hormones in April of this year.

Q: How did your family and friends react? Were you able to find friends or a community to support you?

A: My friends and family were not really shocked, but I did have to explain everything to them just so they would be clarified on a couple things.

Q: How do you think society feels about you?

A: I think that society feels I am some dumb black drag queen from poverty, and I can only offer sex as a means to make a living. Or they just think I am a dude that is just really gay. Even though these stereotypes are rampant in American society, I try not to let the negativity or confusion get to me. I work full time and I go to school full time in order to obtain my Bachelor’s degree. Society will always have their perceptions of what they think I am or what they think I do, but it is ultimately up to me to determine how I want my life to be.

Q: RuPaul now has a beauty contest for transvestites on the Logo Channel and there have long been movies such as “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert,” “Too Wong Foo” and the documentary “Paris is Burning” about drag queens and voguing balls. Do you think there is more public acceptance of transvestites and transsexual people?

A: The truth is we, just like gay and bisexuals, have always been in existence. I feel like the only time that we all are publicly accepted is if we are the butt of some crude joke. We as the minority have to show ourselves and represent to let everyone that we are human ,and that we live dignified lives just like the rest of “mainstream America.”

Q: I’ve heard that many men who identify as straight have a thing for transvestites. Have you found this to be true?

A: I don’t know about men having a thing for transvestites, since I am a transsexual woman. There are men called tranny chasers who are solely into transsexual women. I have went on these gay websites such Adam4Adam and BGCLive, and some of the finest looking dudes only want transsexual woman. Even though they are on these gay websites they still identify as straight.

Q: Do you have a hard time finding sexual partners or mates for relationships?

A: Now that I look like this men are more available than they were before. Whether it be in person or online men do not have a problem letting me know if they are interested in me. The hard part is figuring out if that guy wants that hookup or something long term. Also there are different categories among transsexuals also. Some men want to fuck us and some want to be fucked by us. Some guys just want to suck a dick on a beautiful woman. This life is so crazy because nothing is as it appears.

Q: What do you do for a living? Where do you see yourself in five or 10 years?

A: I currently work in retail. In 10 years I would love to have my own advertising/ marketing agency in the entertainment field. I just want to be able to accomplish all the goals that I have set for myself personally and professionally.

Immanuel’s 10 Rules for Online Sex Hookups

Most down-low black men I know get sexual hookups online. Trolling through city parks, dank and nasty adult video stores, gyms, and public restrooms might be your thing. In fact you may get a head rush from having public sex and the risk of getting arrested.
Avoid drama. The Web enables you to hook up sex with the click of your computer mouse. The down-low guys I know tend to prefer Web sites such as adam4adam over others like Men4SexNow because, guess what? It’s FREE!
Here’s my 10 rules on how to do it well. And readers, if you know more let me know and I’ll add to the list:
1. IF IT’S TOO MUCH TROUBLE TO GET, IT AIN’T WORTH IT: I wrote a whole blog entry on this. Brothers who ask endless questions about your life history, demand a face pic, your ass pic, or inquire about what you like to do sexually or how many times you shit a day usually give the worst sex. If you get into a lot of back and forth emailing online don’t do it. The sex will not be worth it.
2. IF THEY WRITE A LONG LIST OF REQUIREMENTS AVOID THEM: I know you have read these profiles. The ones from guys who only want muscular guys with 12-inch dicks and 32-inch waists. And oh, by the way, could you also have a Ph.D. in philosophy and earn six figures so we can have scintillating conversation after sex and you can afford to take me to Ruth Chris steak house for a post-orgasm dinner! Take this from me. Ninety percent of the time these guys don’t live up to what they want from you. They are looking for men to fulfill their needs. Once I hooked up with this dude who was only into men with big dicks. I went over there and he was heavier and older than advertised. But I banged him anyway! Bang. Bang. Bang. And the sex was…B-O-R-I-N-G. He just bent over and took it — hardly any foreplay at all. He should have just bought a vibrator. Then later he says, “Well, your dick was good but I’m used to guys with 12 inches.” I told him, “Take your ass back online and find a guy with 12 inches. I wish you luck!” Not a week later he was sweating me again.
3. IF THEY WANT A RELATIONSHIP, RUN!: Guys who go online saying they want a relationship are full of shit. Online sites are for SEX! If a sexual hookup develops into a friendship and then relationship, that is cool. But don’t go into it looking for that or you will be disappointed and become bitter. And you also come across as being needy! Can’t you meet somebody in the real world?!
4. DON’T TAKE IT PERSONALLY : Don’t get upset if someone doesn’t like the way your photo looks or what you write in your profile. Just keep it moving…because somebody else will like you. Always be friendly and polite and don’t take anything personally. Because remember, sex hookup Web sites ARE FOR ENTERTAINMENT PURPOSES ONLY! Now, repeat after me. What are online sex sites for? “Entertainment purposes only,” you answer? Good student!
5. DROP THE WASSUP?: This is the lamest come-on line. State why you are contacting the person, what you want to do, and when you want to do it. Come on, we might be gay or bi but we’re men. Dammit act like one! Go for what you want! Here’s an example of how to write a good one. “Good afternoon. I saw your profile and your pics. I like what I see and would love to get down with you. Read my profile and let me know if we see eye-to-eye. I’m available this afternoon.”
6. IF YOU ARE GOING ONLINE TO PLANĀ A FREAK PARTY KEEP THE GUEST LIST PRIVATE: I have held numerous sex parties. When I invite some people they will ask, “Who else is coming?” Never give them a name. Just describe who else is coming in general terms — “Three big-dicked tops, two big-butt verses, and a bottom in a pear tree.” Why do I say this? I have had guys hit up on people I invite to my parties to try to get them for themselves. Or gossip about it. “Ooooh, guess who goes to Immanuel’s sex parties?” People will also ask who is coming because the gay and down-low world is smaller and they don’t want to run into current lovers or ex lovers.
: DROP THE HANGERS ON: You may know these types. They are guys who might not be so physically attractive, have the personality of a woodchip, or who might not give such great sex so fewer people want to roll with them. So they will try to roll with you. “Who are fucking? Can I come?! Can I come and help you out?!” Avoid these people like the plague.
Once I had a threesome with a bottom Puerto Rican buddy called “Mel” and I brought a hanger on “Byron” along. Byron thinks he can fuck but can’t. He just pumps away with his small dick like a piston and busts a nutt in five minutes flat. He gives no foreplay — he doesn’t kiss, do oral, nada! It’s all about putting his dick in, getting his pleasure, and rolling out. Oh, and he loves to watch big dick tops like me in action.
While Byron was was fucking him, Mel made all these moans and groans, and kept his face buried in the bedsheets. I was put out a bit — Mel never groaned like that when I fucked him. Later I asked Mel why he was so noisy. “I was moaning because I was trying not to laugh,” he answered. “That guy was homely and he couldn’t fuck worth a shit. Look Papi, next time you come, you come alone!”
8: AVOID THE HOLIER-THAN-THOU TYPES: There are folks you put into ads “I will not respond to people who only put up dick or ass shots. I will not talk to a dick or ass.” That’s bullshit. When you go to an online sex hookup site you are looking for sex! You better make sure that dick or ass looks good. This rule also applies to folks who post profiles on sex hook-up sites and say, “I’m only here to meet friends.” Yeah. right. Dangle a big dick or a tight ass in their face and see how quick that “friends” shit goes out the window.
9. GIVE THE BIG BOYS A CHANCE: Looks can be deceiving. Some of the worst sex I’ve ever had is from gym body men and pretty boy bottoms who lay there like zombies and expect you to do the work because, “Hey, I’m cute so you’re supposed to worship ME!!” However, some of the hottest sex I’ve had is from guys who are a little out of shape or even heavy.
10. LABELS MEAN NOTHING: Okay you are a top and you see another top brother online that looks good and you want to hit up. Go ahead. I won’t begin to tell you how many times a top will hit me up, inviting me over for body play and maybe some jacking off. Then in 15 minutes they are pulling out a condom, putting it on my dick and asking me to fuck them! The labels top, versatile, verse-top, verse-bottom etc., oral etc. is all just alphabet soup. It means nothing. Depending on the vibe some brothers will try new kinds of sex acts, especially if there is a good vibe.

Interview: The Down-Low Black Men’s Club

“Maxwell” is a down-low brother’s best friend. When I first started experimenting with man-sex about three years ago I met Max online. He told me his life story and about his club for down-low married men.

We agreed to meet and I went by his place to “audition” for the club. I passed with flying colors! But later we developed a true friendship. Talking to him made me realize I am far from the only man struggling with his sexuality.

When I decided to go to my first meeting of Max’s club I was nervous as hell — I had never been to a group sex party before. I circled the block a few times, looking at all the cars parked out front and wondering what was going on behind the well-curtained windows. I finally got enough nerve to go in and had great time. And I was struck at how “normal” all the guys looked — just everyday professional Black men who liked to get down with other men from time to time.

And they made me feel right at home.

Max agreed to be interviewed for my blog. He discussed how his club started and how he feels about DL culture in the Black community:

Q: It appears you have a fondness for married, down-low Black Men. How did that get started.

A: I discovered that I enjoy the two principal kinds of distinct ‘energy’ one finds in sexual encounters with married men. On one hand, there’s a white-hot ‘urgency’ with men who don’t have regular access to male-on-male contact. Conversely, there’s a fascinating sense of wonder with a first-timer or relative ‘newbie’ – it’s like a fully-grown, seasoned man losing his virginity for a second time. Back in my early 20’s I met a married man who had essentially been ‘cut-off’ from sex by his wife. He was rather handsome, in his late 40’s, very nice guy. But his wife didn’t like his hairy body. She actually yelled at him in bed because he leaked a lot of pre-cum (“You’re ruining my sheets,” she’d shriek). When we eventually got together, he slowly relaxed when he realized he was with someone who actually accepted and enjoyed his masculine attributes and the natural ‘nectar’ of his sexual arousal. By the end of the encounter, he was all but ‘howling’ from the intensity of the release – both sexual and psychological. Still today, I find these types of interaction intensly exciting.

Q: When did you decide to form your club? How many members do you have and how often do you meet?

A: I started the group with a married buddy of mine in May 2001. Several years into my relationship with my former partner (who had insisted on monogamy, but had not himself kept the bargain), we agreed that we would now both be allowed to play separately and discreetly. Thus, I decided to pro-actively indulge my interest in bi-married men, as they are generally discreet and want to avoid complex ‘entanglements’. I really clicked with one particular married brother in his late 40’s that I met online. We became good friends in and out of bed, and he is to this day one of my close confidants. It turned out we both had an unfulfilled interest in exploring group sexual activity. So, he and I each invited a couple of buddies we knew, rented a room in a nice luxury hotel, and had an amazingly sensual afternoon. It wasn’t all ‘sex’. It was massage. Making out. My most striking memory of that first gathering is of the co-founder’s buddy. Nice dude in his early-40’s whose wife flatly refused to play with his very sensitive nipples during sex (“Those are ‘women’s parts’,” she told him). Our nipple-play with him caused him to pull a pillow over his own mouth as he literally screamed during orgasm. Afterward, we held him silently for 5 minutes as he trembled in our arms. It was that moment that really made me decide to host on a regular basis. I really felt there was a need for a ‘safe-space’ where nice, discreet guys on the DL could go to express their sexuality, without having to risk cruising a park or some adult video store.

Q: Do you feel DL men are necessarily fully gay or just part of a sexual continuum?

Were we living in most any ancient civilization, I don’t think we’d be asked to make such a drastic either/or selection as we are in America today. I personally believe in the Kinsey Scale vision of sexuality being on a continuum between “1 and 6.” The principle is that most people are born somewhere between exclusively homosexual on one end, and exclusively hetero on the other – and most people’s orientation can slide a degree or two in either direction during their lifetime. Depending on one’s environment, religious upbringing and other frames of reference, you may or may not ACT on those natural, inborn impulses. Like anything else, I think the answer is complicated by Puritanical American tradition; relatively modern western religious attitudes about same-gender sex; as well as, in many communities of color, a legacy of mandated ‘macho’ requirements. In the African-American community, I’ve always felt our hyper-sensitivity about homosexuality actually has less to do with religiosity, and is more about how the issue plays into a history of persecution in which every other kind of inborn ‘difference’ from the majority ‘norms’ (hair texture, skin-tone, nose width, lip and buttock shape) was used against us. As an African-American Gay man, our community’s hostility on the issue complicates matters further. I do think that there IS a percentage of DL men (we could quibble about the exact number) who – all things being (more) equal and devoid of the sharp stigma in our community – would identify as Gay. Instead, they end up ‘following tradition,’ stifling their true natural attraction to men (as long as they can….) and marry women. Culturally, I understand it. As a Gay man, I also lament it. But speaking purely as a sexual being, however, I don’t judge it.

Q: What goes on at your parties?

A: The hallmark of our group is that we create a very relaxed, respectful and sensual setting. Each prospective new member must arrange a brief face-to-face chat with myself or the co-founder before getting an invite to our party (and only about 1/4 of ‘applicants’ are deemed to be a good ‘fit’). With us, it’s less about having a perfect body or a big dick, and more about creating a respectful, sensual vibe.

Out of a total of about 40 members, there are usually between 9 and 15 guys at a particular party. For the first half-hour or so, guys usually enjoy the food and beverages we provide, and talk about current events, sports, music, etc… until 5 or 6 guys or so arrive or some body’s personal schedule demands that things get rolling. Somebody makes a move, and two or three guys may head to one of the showers together. Others begin to disrobe in my study where they can neatly store their things. Most of the action takes place in the master and guest bedrooms, and in the rec room, where there’s a futon and a sturdy built in bench that has some other interesting uses. We usually keep adult DVD’s rolling on the big screen television

Sexual activity runs the range. Most of the activity is mutual oral and jacking off, frottage (ie: dry-humping/grinding), and making out. About half of the members are into some level of penetration, which provides a great ‘show’ for those who don’t go ‘all the way’. Condoms and water-based lube are in abundant supply and always used. From there, things occur rather organically. People group and re group again in various clusters of three, five, or two… One couple may decide to have intercourse, and a third will help the top with a condom, while a fourth is licking the nipples of the bottom. The scene is very tactile, very masculine but also startlingly sensual. One very masculine former military man and athelete enjoys giving massages. One time he spent the evening giving erotic massages to brothers, while other action went on around them. One brother was moved to tears. It’s kind of like being inside a virtual reality adult video game. There are moments that are brilliantly hot, and others that are achingly tender. I’ve had several men tell me that the outlet has probably saved their marriage, allowing them to continue to keep their sanity at home (…can’t wait to read the responses to that statement).

Q: Do your members network outside the group?

A: While we’re not set up to be a ‘dating club,’ some of our members have become friends. Some discover that they share a hobby (sports, motorcycles, art…) and hang out occasionally. If they happen to work near one another, they may catch lunch or dinner now and then. I will also say that, when my ex and I eventually split-up (for other reasons, incidentally), some of my most empathetic and proactively-supportive friends were among the members of the group. I don’t know if I would have made it through the ordeal without their encouragement and concern.

Q: How long do you see the club lasting?

That depends…. Another year? Another 10? As you mentioned in a recent blog, I do hope to be in a relationship again, and if the true ‘love of my life’ wanted a monogamous relationship, I would draw the curtain on the grand experiment. That being said, although I did monogamy with no problem (on my end) for the first 3/4 of my previous relationship, I don’t personally believe that its required for a healthy relationship. Some of the happiest couples I know – Gay and straight – have come to some level of respectful understanding that monogamy is a nice ideal, but not necessarily man’s natural inclination. They have negotiated respectful, honest ‘codes of conduct’ regarding some level of openness that works for them. Nothing hidden. Nothing sneaky. Conversely, I know plenty of couples who ‘protest too much’ – claiming to be monogamous when they are not-so-secretly sneaking around on one another. I believe in ‘honesty’. In an ideal world, I’d enjoy finding a partner who could handle being the ‘co-director’ of this amazing group of gentlemen.

Q: Describe yourself and your profession?

I’m in my mid-40’s, well educated with interesting hobbies and talents. I’m considered to be quite attractive. I’m a creative professional, and am very involved in each of my varied communities (black, gay, etc…), serving variously on some boards and panels. I would be about the last person most of my GLBT friends would suspect hosted orgies for bi-married men on the DL.

Making an Honest Man Out of Me

The reaction to news I am going to limit my male-to-male interactions to Idris has caught blog readers and my regular hookups by surprise.

“You are crushing a lot of hearts – including mine,” one blog reader emails me on a gay hookup Web site.

Another correspondent, “Phillip,” writes that he wishes he had hooked up with me just one time before I decided to go the monogamous-man route. Phillip also blogs, mostly inspirational messages about his strong faith in God and his family’s antics. Reading his work has prompted me to consider putting more faith in the Lord and less in mindless sex.

Coincidentally our families both hail from the same Southern state from neighboring towns so we have a lot in common. What Phillip and I have most in common is that our families are both crazy! You know, the type of relatives who get in fistfights over the last rib at cookouts!

Phillip read “Idris’ Offer” and his emotions toward me came pouring out. They startled me. He said the eroticism in my blogs aroused him and he really was looking forward to meeting me, if only just to embrace and kiss. I promise him we will meet one day in a public for coffee or a drink and I mean to do that.

Other readers say they understand where I am coming from. “Rudy” is another married down-low man I swing with. He is half black and half American Indian, tall and light-skinned, with straight, sleek hair. Rudy is a top with a long penis like a spear and knows how to use it.I love watching him fuck and he loves to watch me. We have threesomed twice, giving willing bottom dudes an exuberant tag-team treatment. When there was a break in the action we would kiss and play with each other.

“Believe you, I know what you mean,” Rudy says by email when I tell him I’m ready to stick to one person. So perhaps he yearns for a steady male friend too.

I tell Rudy I will remember the fun we had and I want to stay in touch. “Don’t worry…believe me, you’re one hot man,” he responds.

“Maxwell” runs a down-low married men’s club that meets every month or so for sex parties (See July 21 entry — “Interview: The Down-Low Black Men’s Club.”) I’ve been a card-carrying member of this organization more than two years. The parties are usually held during Happy Hour on Thursdays or Fridays so members can drop in on the way home from work and have a legitimate reason for arriving home and hour or so late. Members enter Max’s home and drop their $20 membership fee in a bowl by the door. In return, Max supplies liquor, snack food, porno movies and plenty of condoms, lube and sex toys.

Max has teased me for some time, saying eventually I will slip into a relationship with one dude. My response is usually, “Negro, please!” He read the blog abut Idris and we talk by phone last night. I confirm my decision and Max sighs wistfully. Max himself wants a partner who will understand he likes to have group sex with his bevy of married men. Ideally, Max’s mate will play with him or let him go have his fun.

The next meeting of the married men’s club is this Friday night. Max asks whether perhaps Idris and I would like to come to the party together. But I decline although I am tempted to go to the party– I like being the star of the show, assaulting party guests with my big dick.

For some reason I only want my woman and Idris now.

“Are you trying to turn me into an honest man out of me — a Ho with a heart of gold?,” I joke with Idris on the telephone last night.

Idris says we will see.

Idris’ Offer

var gaJsHost = ((“https:” == document.location.protocol) ? “https://ssl.” : “http://www.”);
document.write(unescape(“%3Cscript src='” + gaJsHost + “’ type=’text/javascript’%3E%3C/script%3E”));

try {
var pageTracker = _gat._getTracker(“UA-9825448-1”);
} catch(err) {}For weeks Idris and I have had hot sex without meeting. We phone bone. And I do something with him I’ve never done before. I take provocative pics of my erect dick with my cell phone camera and send them to him, even giving him shots of the semen flowing down the side of my shaft after I jackoff and cum.

We also talk or text most every day. Oddly though, the subject is rarely sex. It can be golf, college fraternities, our family history, advice, anything. I even begin to look forward to the calls. They help make the day go by.

“Maybe we should never meet,” I tell him one day. “It might be better just to have a relationship on the phone.”

But this morning he sends me this text: “I want you.”

Today I have a meeting in the city and some free time afterward. I tell Idris I can swing through his neighborhood on the way home. His girl is at work so the place is free. I’m nervous as hell. Will we find each other unattrative in real life? Will the sex in the flesh not live up to the sex we’ve already had in our imaginations?

But I’m still relieved when Idris says, “Sure, come on.”

I park and Idris opens the door so I can enter. He is intimidating in real life. A tall, brown skinned brother with a broad chest and bulging biceps. Unlike many down-low brothers there is nothing even remotely feminine about him. He is handsome in a very man’s man kind of way. The angles of his jaw and his close-cropped hair remind me of a young Yul Brynner.

“Would you like a drink,” Idris asks me.

“Nah, that’s okay,” I answer. He still gives me a bottle of water but I take just a few sips. The heat between us is rising and I don’t want to waste any time.

Idris takes me down to his dark basement and sits on a sofa. But I never sit down.

“Do you mind?” I ask as I take off my tie and shirt and lay them over the sofa.

“No, not at all,” he answers.

Then Idris gets up from his seat and starts taking off his clothes, too. It is dark and I can only see his outline. But I hear the hisssss of fabric slipping off as his basketball shorts come down around his legs. When we are totally nude he comes forward in the dark and embraces me and we start to kiss. It is hot today and I was really thirsty but after kissing Idris I don’t need that bottle of Deer Park any more. And the darkness makes the scene more erotic. I can feel him but not see him. My sense of touch is heightened.

There is a bedroom in the basement with a queen-sized bed.

“Can we use the bed?” I ask him.

“Sure,” Idris answers and leads the way.

We roll around in that bed for almost an hour, licking and tasting every part of each others’ bodies. We’ve talked enough, so there is little need to do that now. Just two toned, tall bodies rubbing together, embracing, releasing, resting and back at it again. Despite the hardness of his body, Idris is very tender and affectionate. I feel like a baby in its father’s arms.

Condoms and lube are in a drawer on the bedside table. So I try to fuck Idris. He lays me on my back and straddles my abdomen. Then I try to take him doggy-style on the bed. The view of his waist and firm, brown ass is enticing. But he is tight — my dick is too large so I stop trying to force the issue. So we jackoff — he very rapidly in short strokes. We moan and talk nasty to each other. I call him my nigga and he calls me his. Among black folks nigger can sometimes be the sweetest word in Webster’s Dictionary.

We cum within seconds of each other, laying side by side. I bust that nutt on his stomach and Idris’ squirts all over my thigh and his stomach. His semen is watery and plentiful.

“I cum a lot when I cum,” he explains.

We shower together and talk. His manner is so warm toward me I’m put off guard. This isn’t like most sex hookups. This is not a slam-bam-thank-you-man, you-busted-that-nutt-so-get-the-fuck-out type of hook-up.

Then Idris pops a question. Why not give up all the other hookups and just give each other man sex when we need that? No strings. No pressure. Then he admits he was jealous when I told him about a recent hookup I had. And I admit I was a little jealous when he went on a recent out-of-town trip. I hoped he enjoyed himself and even gave gave him a referral — the phone number of a married, down-low lawyer from that town who I had hooked up with when he visited our city. But a part of me still wished I could hop on a plane and join Idris in that hotel room.

But I’m also thinking to myself. “Is Idris full of shit with this one-on-one talk? Guys talk a lot of ying yang, especially after they bust a nutt. And others just want to play with your mind.”

Yet I have to admit Idris is on to something. I can’t keep having sex at this pace. It’s getting to be just a habit…something to do. I have guys calling and texting and emailing me to come back and do them one more time. I can’t be everything to everybody because its not fair to anyone.

Plus Idris has a girl and I got a girl and we want to keep it that way for now. We live too far apart to meet without planning so won’t get in each other’s way or arrive at each other’s doorsteps unannounced.

I grab a burger on the way home — all that sex made me hungry as a bear. And I have more time to think about what he said. I dial Idris’ phone.

“I’ve already climbed to to the top of Mount Everest twice,” I tell him, explaining that I’m tired of being Mr. Stud. “How many more times can I do that?”

So I agree to consider the one-on-one thing. We will see how it goes.

Immanuel Comes Out of the Closet — At Least On Radio

Wednesday evening I appeared on Blog Talk Radio to discuss what it’s like to be a down-low Black male and how the subculture operates. Host James Hipps asked me some tough questions about the inherent conflicts and dishonesty that comes with being down-low but I rolled with the punches. I just tried to be as honest as possible.

We also talked about how the African American culture perceives gay, bisexual and down-low men. I admitted Black folks have a long way to go. But I also made a point of telling James there are a lot of down-low white men as well. Remember former New Jersey Gov. James McGreevey who quit his job, came out the closet, and divorced his wife?

I also expressed hopes that Black folks and American culture in general will become more accepting of the many variations in human sexuality. America has already dealt with racism and sexism and is still working on those issues. But I think its one of the last social barriers we have to deal with is sexuality.

To listen to the program go to

James was impressed with my blog and promised to help it get more exposure. His only criticism is that he wished the blog was more topical and less about my erotic adventures. James also hinted that my stories might be fantasy. Believe me dude, they are all true.

James wants me to appear on a future program and invited me to his company’s headquarters if I ever came to South Florida. Thanks for invite!