We are going to Blatino Oasis!

Pool party at Blatino Oasis.

One of the items on my bucket list is to attend Blatino Oasis in Palm Springs, CA, one of the largest gatherings of gay and bisexual men of color in the nation.

Since my partner Van has a place in Florida and we go there often we decided it’s time to explore another locale.

So Blatino Oasis it is!

Blatino Oasis will be held next April 27-30.

The event is so popular rooms at the main venue are already booked up. However we were able to get a room at a partner, clothing-optional resort nearby.

We also paid for our event passes and now just have to book travel.

We have plenty of Southwest Airlines point so will probably fly into Los Angeles and drive or catch a short flight to Palm Springs.

I’m excited but nervous as heck. So anybody who has been to Oasis please share your reviews and tips!

From Gay to Straight: A Case of Religion-Fueled Self-Hate?


The book cover

Seven years ago when this blog was new, I interviewed an aspiring young man who was trying to start a gay basketball league in the Washington, D.C. area.

The entry was called “Gay Men Can Jump!”

Recently this same man came up on my Facebook page as a suggested friend. I wondered how he was doing and clicked on his profile.

Wow, how seven years can change things.

Now, he says he has been delivered by God and is no longer a homosexual. He even wrote a book about it.

The book blurb reads:

God wanted Kevin to stop running from the voice of the Lord and to stop giving in to the sin of flesh. God desires for Kevin to tell the good news of what the Lord says in His Word, not only for Kevin but for all of God’s people. God wants Kevin to break barriers and the deceit that the enemy tries to portray to God’s people. He is a trailblazer and trendsetter that is destined to successfully deliver a message of hope and deliverance to all.

I don’t know this brother’s journey. I have not read the book. I haven’t talked to him in years. So I shouldn’t judge.

But I’m saddened by this development. Just seven years ago he was so pro-gay and committed to using basketball as a vehicle to help people who are same-gender loving. What happened?

I can guess.

I go to an affirming church but I know many LGBTQ people who for whatever reason don’t have the luxury of practicing their faith in a place that nurtures them.

So they go to churches that preach hate against LGBTQ people and foster self-loathing.

At least one of these churches in my area I heard still supports gay reparative therapy, which mental health organizations have long proven is a form of abuse what harms the well-being of LGBTQ people. Plus, trying to change people from gay to straight just doesn’t work.

My partner “Van” and I know at least two gay men in the Washington, D.C. area who attend Baptist churches where the minister has been known to preach against people who are LGBTQ, even though many of these same people are very active in the congregations and make donations every week.

Yet another gay man I know of Caribbean descent attends  a Baptist Church here after growing up in the Pentecostal Faith.

Although he is in his mid 40s, financially successful and attends events such as Sizzle and black gay ski trips, this person still feels guilty about his sexuality. He hasn’t even told his parents who are almost 70.

That is because he was brought up in a church that pounded into his psyche that being homosexual was a sin. And his Caribbean culture and his parents just reinforced that.

“Hey I’m still a church boy at heart,” he said. “And homosexuality is wrong.”

I’m sorry. I believe God loves us all and didn’t make a mistake when he made us.

Jesus never condemned LGBTQ people but he did condemn people who were hypocrites and urged people to love their neighbor as they loved themselves. Jesus went out of his way to minister to people who were the outcasts of first century Jewish society, including lepers, tax collectors and the poor.

I just wish more black gay men would get this message.




Moonlight: A movie I’ve got to see


Film poster

The black gay coming-of-age film “Moonlight” from writer/director Barry Jenkins is hitting the theaters this weekend.

Unfortunately, I haven’t been able to find a screening in Baltimore or Washington, D.C. so I’m going to have to wait.

It’s getting rave reviews. See this one in the New Yorker. And the trailer is so powerful I can’t help looking at it over and over.

If anyone gets to see the film Friday please leave a comment and let me know how you liked it.

Broke Back Mountain Baltimore Style


Black steelworkers. Photo courtesy of ITVS.org.

Baltimore’s economy today is fueled by universities, state government, hospitals and Under Armour sportswear.

But not too long ago this Rust Belt City was heavily industrial, filled with factories and hulking smokestacks.

An acquaintance, “Kenny,” told me about how he hooked up with a long term sex partner back in the 70s when Baltimore was still a city of industry.

Kenny was married with kids and worked at a Bethlehem Steel plant in Sparrows Point. The job was hot and gritty and dirty so workers showered in the locker room before changing back into street clothes and going home.

Kenny befriended another married man on his shift named “Omar.” For some reason, although Omar worked on a different team, he always made excuses to shower the same time as Kenny.

They would banter and joke back and forth, talking about sports or whether Lola Falana was hotter than Jayne Kennedy or “Sanford and Son” was a funnier TV show than “That’s My Mama!” Omar would never rush to put on his clothes and would stand naked talking to Kenny, acting  as natural as can be.

For years Kenny knew he was attracted to woman and men. So he didn’t mind getting a chance to look at Omar’s tall, dark, lean body and his long dick, all glistening and wet from the shower.

Soon they started sharing rides with each back in the city. Omar would brag about his past sexual conquests with women, rubbing and grabbing his crotch to make his point. Kenny would be so turned on he could barely look at Omar — his palms would sweat as he tightly held the steering wheel.

Then one day it happened.

“You want to play with this dick, don’t you?” Omar asked.

“You know, yeah I do,” Kenny answered.

And he pulled over the car on a dark side street in West Baltimore, leaned over, pulled Omar’s dick out of his pants and sucked it.

Soon Omar and Kenny were hooking up every week or every other week.

“We were fucking like rabbits — I loved taking that big dick,” Kenny said.

Since they worked at the steel plant at night it was easy to hook up. Their wives worked during the day and the kids were at school so they had either house to themselves.

“It was like a relationship,” Kenny said. “Since we both worked at the same plant it was easy because we could socialize together with our families. He knew my wife and I knew his wife.”

This went on for years. They only had one close call when Omar’s wife came home from work unexpectedly during the day and almost caught them fucking.

Today the men are in their sixties. They are just friends now — they haven’t had sex in several years. Omar is still with his wife while Kenny divorced his wife and is out.

“There was a whole lot of gay sex going on back in the day,” Kenny said. “You just kept things more quiet.”





The Thug Up the Block and the Gangbanger

My neighbor “Ray,” the thug up the block, likes to roll with dudes who are masculine and street.

Last weekend he told me about one of his newest conquests, a member of a notorious street gang in Baltimore. I won’t name the gang because frankly I don’t want them Googling my blog and coming to find me.

This gang member, who I will call “Curtis,” loves to fuck women. But he also likes to be fucked by dudes.

Ray said he has the tightest ass and is a total bottom in bed. However, in the streets he will kick your ass if you look at him sideways.

Curtis sent Ray a provocative video of himself. Ray shared it with me. Curtis is in the bathroom, douching his ass to get ready for sex. He plays with his asshole, bending over and puckering it.

“My ass is nice and tight,” Curtis says in the video. “Thug nigger. I’m a thug.”

Unfortunately a buddy of Curtis recently found out he likes to do guys. He told some of the gang members and even Curtis’s girlfriend.

Curtis tracked the guy down Saturday night and soundly beat his ass. Then he called up Ray, dropped by, smoked some weed, and let Ray fuck him all night.


A screenshot from Curtis’ video.



Dead Wrong


Luther only visited Damon’s bed on Friday nights and left before Sunday. Photo courtesy of Hollywood Reporter.

My friend “Damon” knew when he started dating “Luther” the odds were against the relationship working.

Damon is an out and proud gay black man. A professional with a well appointed townhouse in a gated community and good government job. Meanwhile Luther, a tall, dark Jamaican with a big dick and sex game Damon found irresistible, was so deep in the closet you couldn’t find him with a flashlight.

Damon lives in Maryland and Luther in northern New Jersey so they only got to see each other weekends. No matter how much Luther enjoyed Damon’s company, he always insisted on leaving by Saturday evening.

“It was strange,” said Damon, who met Luther online while visiting his sister in New York City. “I never met his friends. He never introduced me to his family. He never invited me up to his home. He always came down to mine.”

Two months went by. Spring  slipped away. Then four months. And six months and then eight. And it was the dead of winter and snowing and Luther still made the weekend trips to lay in the bed with Damon on a Friday night and Saturday morning.

“Why do you always have to leave on Saturday afternoons?,” Damon said as he spooned Luther one morning. “Can’t you stay on Sunday and come to brunch with me?”

Luther got quiet a moment but finally spoke.

“Well, I have to admit something. I’m a Catholic priest and I have to be back to perform Mass on Sunday mornings.”

Damon listened and tried to be understanding. He knew that considering Luther’s Jamaican culture it would be difficult to have a real relationship with him. But he had always held out hope.

But now this priest thing complicated matters. Weren’t priests supposed to be straight and celibate?

So he decided to back off. But a month went by and then two months and Luther didn’t call or text so Damon decided to reach out again. The dick really was that good. So he texted Luther’s phone number.

A day later a text came back. The texter explained that she was Luther’s sister. Luther was very sick and hospitalized and she had taken his phone and was texting and calling back people who contacted her brother to let them know.

“Who are you?” she inquired.

“Oh, just a business associate of his in Washington, D.C.,” said Damon, who was reluctant to inadvertently push Luther out of the closet to his family.

Weeks went by and no word so Damon texted Luther’s number again.

“How is Luther doing?”

The message from the sister was short and blunt. “He is dead.”

Damon was upset but not devastated. The relationship had cooled by the time Luther disappeared and Damon had started to date others.

But he  thought it odd the sister didn’t text more about the cause of death or the funeral arrangements. She just went silent again. Maybe she was too distraught to relive those sad events, Damon reasoned.

A few months went by and it was summer again.

And Damon was looking at his LinkedIn page on his laptop and a suggested contact came up. A man whose picture looked like Luther, down to the shaved head and neatly trimmed goatee. “No, this can’t be. He is dead. Unless he has a twin,” Damon thought.

Damon read the man’s profile. Instead of “Luther Davies” his name was “Lawrence Davies.” And although not a Catholic priest the man had attended a Protestant divinity school and had started at a new position as a minister at an African Methodist Episcopalian Church at roughly the time Luther had “died.”


Damon’s tale reminds me of this 1991 film starring Goldie Hawn as a woman who marries a psychopath who faked his own death for financial gain.

His curiosity got the best of him. Damon called the church in New Jersey and left a message with the secretary asking Rev. Davies to call him. A  day later Damon’s phone rang. It was Rev. Davies.

“Sorry to bother you but your photo came up on my LinkedIn page and you look remarkably like a friend of mine named Luther Davies who  died,” Damon said. “Could you be him or related to him.”

Rev. Davies mumbled something about his not knowing a Luther Davies. He then gave Damon his sympathies, some rushed, generic advice about handling grief and quickly got off the phone.

Damon was shocked. The reverend sounded just like his Luther. It had to be Luther. But why deny it?

Damon picked up the phone the next morning and called back. Surprisingly Rev. Davies accepted the call. This time Damon cut right to the chase.

“I know you are Luther,” he said. “Why the fuck would you lie about some shit like that? That was sick and cruel. Do you know how it felt for me to think you had died. We weren’t dating then but it was still a loss.”

Luther “Rev. Lawrence” Davies sounded a bit contrite but didn’t really apologize or explain why he did what he did.

Damon later theorized that his paramour had finally gotten his dream job as a minister at a large congregation andwanted to start fresh without the suspicion of his being  gay hanging over him.

So like a surgeon excising a tumor he cut all contacts with the secret gay side of his life. Including Damon.

He probably didn’t even have a sister. It was likely him sending the texts all along.


“Damon, that sounds like some crazy movie plot,” I said. “I just watched this old movie where Goldie Hawn plays this woman whose husband is a psychopath who fakes his own death. But this is better than that movie.”

“Yeah, who would believe this shit,” Damon answered.

“Yep, It’s crazy what some down-low men will do to stay in the closet,” I said.



How to Get Banned from a Sex Party

It’s hard to get banned from a sex party but Emmett managed.

“Emmett” prides himself on being one of the most down-low gay black men in Baltimore.

He never lets a hook-up come to his house because he doesn’t want the neighbors to suspect his sexuality. 

And once he had two birthday parties on two consecutive nights — one with his church members and the next night with his gay buddies — to keep his straight lifestyle from intersecting with his gay one.

But although you will never catch him in a gay bar or the Pride Parade there is one thing Emmett does with frequency — sex parties. Every weekend you will find him haunting one in D.C. or Baltimore.

However, he called me a few weeks ago to say he had gotten banned from a popular one that a man from Africa runs once or twice weekly in Baltimore or the Maryland suburbs of D.C.

“I don’t know why it happened but I’m cool with it — I’m not going to worry about it,” an oblivious Emmett said.

I didn’t feel like hurting his feelings so I didn’t speak up. But I know why he was asked not to come to the African’s sex party. 

Remember, my partner and I have sex parties too and Emmett always come and we know how he swings. And we know people complain about him.

I have tried to advise him to change this irritating habits but he won’t listen. So readers, I will offer this advice to you so you never get banned from a sex party like Emmett:

— Don’t touch or initiate sexual contact with a person unless they invite you with a word, gesture or look. Emmett is known for being pushy.

— Pay attention to the sexual needs of your partner. Emmett is selfish. It’s all about him getting a nutt. His partner is just a tool.

— When two people are having sex with each other don’t try to butt in unless they invite you by word or gesture to join. Emmett is known for jumping in between people.

— Improve your sexual skills. Emmett’s sex game is so lame folks ask him to kick rocks! In fact, he is really into giving massages which is not what most people at sex parties are looking to do. That’s why I have advised Emmett to at least get a boyfriend to be affectionate with although getting a boyfriend is hard for a man who will not invite someone to his home because he is afraid of what some stupid neighbor thinks.

— Be genuine with folks and part of the community. Most people know Emmett is DL and just wants to come to sex parties to get his rocks off and leave. If he sees you in public the next day he likely wont’ even acknowledge you unless you are masculine enough to “pass.” Who wants to invest time in a person like that?