The Ecstasy and the Agony


I was off from work Monday morning, on the tail end of a short vacation. Bored with nothing to do but look at four walls. And none of the guys I love to hang with was around.

So I went online to look for sex. Discrete with no strings attached. Down and dirty. And that is how I met “Perry.”

Perry said he was masculine, had a girlfriend, and two small children by other women. But every few months he liked to take a big, hard dick up his ass and get fucked like “a bitch.” From an early age he had gotten stimulation by putting his finger up his behind and as an adult had let transsexuals with big penises and girls with strap-on dildos punish his ass.

Here is what he emailed me:

“hope you are up to getting in my guts over and over cause once i get comfortable with big dick i am wide open and very freaky….how do you like to fuck mainly?…..i like to ride, get trapped on my stomach and once you get me taking it nut deep i like to get my legs put on your shoulders and get stuffed.”

Before he arrived Perry said he was going to get high on ecstasy, a recreational drug that lowers inhibitions, raises energy levels, and brings feelings of euphoria and love.

“Sure,” I said. “No problem.”

Little did I know what I was getting into. Within an hour Perry knocked on my door. He was stunning. A biracial man (his mother was a white prostitute, his father managed a cheap hotel that prostitutes brought their johns too). Yeah, you could tell from his background he had issues but his body made up for it.

Perry is in the fitness industry and was tight and as well muscled as a thoroughbred pony.

“Can I take a shower and smoke a little weed first to get relaxed,” he asked.

“Sure, I put out a towel for you. Go ahead.”

We talked while he showered. His body may have been tight and tanned. But his dick was not impressive. It was small, like a little worm.

He didn’t give much foreplay. The usual greedy bottom. He was into getting fucked as soon as my dick got half hard. I fucked him for awhile, first doggy style and then with him on his back. The he straddled me reverse cowgirl style as I lay on the bed. He grinded my dick in and out of his ass for what felt like an hour.

Despite his beautiful body and handsome movie star face, the sex was not great.

The main reason why: He would not SHUT THE FUCK UP! The “X” had taken him on a high and he couldn’t come down. Every fantasy that came in his head he blurted out, babbling on and on. He was the Energizer Bunny.

“I want you to bring your friends over with big dicks and have them fuck me and treat me like a bitch.”

“You know I really like fucking girls. I’m not really gay. I just like to get fucked every once in awhile. I really like dark skinned black girls who aren’t that pretty. Or fat girls. They are the freakiest.”

“Talk dirty to me Immanuel. I like that.”

“I want you to get an HIV test and I get and HIV test to prove we are both negative. Then you can fuck me raw. I want to feel that cum up in my ass. I will get a test tomorrow. Can you go Wednesday? Then we can fuck again before I got to meet my girl at the beach. Okay?”

“Yeah…sure…no problem Perry,” I answered, just wanting him to put a sock in it already.

He talked so much his mouth got foamy. And hour passed. Two hours. Three hours. And still he talked.

He got most excited when I got rough and made him shut up. I made him kneel between my legs while I sat on the edge of the bed and suck my dick. I grabbed his head and pushed it down, forcing him to take my dick down this throat.

But he soon pulled away and kept talking.

“Oooh, I like that Daddy,” he said. “Treat me like your bitch boy.”

I had already busted two thick nutts. In fact, he had begged me to rub some of my semen on him like lotion and I complied. But the scene was still boring and oddly not very stimulating. Like most power bottoms it was all about fucking him. Perry couldn’t suck dick worth a shit and the constant chatter short-circuited the tension.

“Damn, I could be doing laundry. Or reading a book. Or writing my blog,” I thought to myself. “Shit it has been a month since I wrote in my blog.”

To kill the boredom I pulled out my camera phone and took pics of Perry. I ordered him to play with his dick and ass and he complied. He was so high I don’t think he really gave a fuck what I did.

“I’m going to cum, I’m going to cum,” he said.

But he didn’t cum. In fact his small dick never got hard. Not once. Not even half hard.

Another hour went by. He got to my house about 11 a.m. and it was 5 p.m. I had grocery shopping to do and an errand to run with one of my children. My “Mentor,” and older guy I befriended, had asked me out to his house that night and I wasn’t going to break that appointment.

“Look Perry, hurry up and bust your nutt,” I said. “I got things to do.”

By now he was again sitting astride my limp dick, grinding into me. Every so often his eyes would roll back in his head and he would get a look of pure bliss on his handsome face, like he was cumming. But he wouldn’t. Sweat poured out of every pore on his body and dripped down on me like warm rain.

“Perry, I got to go. Bust your nutt bitch and get off me.”

“Okay, okay, I will,” he answered, pulling on his limp dick. It looked like that PLAY-DOH modelling clay I used to play with when I was a kid.

Finally, finally, he busted that nutt. It dribbled out of his limp dick onto my stomach like white piss. It was the most unspectacular ejaculation I had ever seen.

I got a towel, wiped him off and sent him on his way. It was an educational experience. He was so sexy, so sexually conflicted, and so fucked up on ecstasy.  He had the body of death but he had taught me a lesson — all that glistens is not gold.

And I think all the drugs helped him loosen up and realize he was really gay. I don’t care how many babies he had.

Oh, and for you blog readers who like the visuals, here are some of photos I took of Perry:

Interview: Transsexual Aeon Farr


I was scrolling through profiles on a gay men’s hook-up Web site and came across Aeon Farr. There are transsexuals who post profiles but I had to admit Aeon looked more real than some I’ve seen.

In her photo she sported a conservative bob hairstyle and tasteful makeup. And she has a cute, pleasingly plump face. I swear she looked like one of my female cousins — only she dressed much better.

I’m not into transsexuals but I decided to send a compliment.”You really look authentic,” I said.

“Thanks,” Aeon answered.

There are different degrees of gayness. I’m a down-low black man on one side of the spectrum but on the other side are men who identify with being female. I know even in the down-low and gay community, transvestites (men who like to dress as women) and transsexuals (a person who has a strong desire to become the opposite sex and sometimes take hormones and surgery to do so), can be looked down upon.

But 1969 Stonewall riots, which are credited with helping launch the gay civil rights movement, would not have started unless transsexual men and other gay folks got tired of police harassment and fought back.

I’m curious about what it is like to be a transsexual. Gay and down-low men can hide their sexuality but transsexuals, I think, are some of the bravest peeps on the planet. So I asked Aeon, age 20, if she would like to be interviewed for my blog and she said yes. Here it is:

Q: How old were you when you realized you were more feminine than male?

A: I was always more feminine than male. I started off as gay. I came out at about 13 years old. As I got older I realized that even though I did have attraction for males I myself didn’t identify as male. One day I had to make my physical apperace match my internal identity.

Q: When did you begin to dress as woman?

A: I started to dress as a woman October of last year. I started taking hormones in April of this year.

Q: How did your family and friends react? Were you able to find friends or a community to support you?

A: My friends and family were not really shocked, but I did have to explain everything to them just so they would be clarified on a couple things.

Q: How do you think society feels about you?

A: I think that society feels I am some dumb black drag queen from poverty, and I can only offer sex as a means to make a living. Or they just think I am a dude that is just really gay. Even though these stereotypes are rampant in American society, I try not to let the negativity or confusion get to me. I work full time and I go to school full time in order to obtain my Bachelor’s degree. Society will always have their perceptions of what they think I am or what they think I do, but it is ultimately up to me to determine how I want my life to be.

Q: RuPaul now has a beauty contest for transvestites on the Logo Channel and there have long been movies such as “Priscilla, Queen of the Desert,” “Too Wong Foo” and the documentary “Paris is Burning” about drag queens and voguing balls. Do you think there is more public acceptance of transvestites and transsexual people?

A: The truth is we, just like gay and bisexuals, have always been in existence. I feel like the only time that we all are publicly accepted is if we are the butt of some crude joke. We as the minority have to show ourselves and represent to let everyone that we are human ,and that we live dignified lives just like the rest of “mainstream America.”

Q: I’ve heard that many men who identify as straight have a thing for transvestites. Have you found this to be true?

A: I don’t know about men having a thing for transvestites, since I am a transsexual woman. There are men called tranny chasers who are solely into transsexual women. I have went on these gay websites such Adam4Adam and BGCLive, and some of the finest looking dudes only want transsexual woman. Even though they are on these gay websites they still identify as straight.

Q: Do you have a hard time finding sexual partners or mates for relationships?

A: Now that I look like this men are more available than they were before. Whether it be in person or online men do not have a problem letting me know if they are interested in me. The hard part is figuring out if that guy wants that hookup or something long term. Also there are different categories among transsexuals also. Some men want to fuck us and some want to be fucked by us. Some guys just want to suck a dick on a beautiful woman. This life is so crazy because nothing is as it appears.

Q: What do you do for a living? Where do you see yourself in five or 10 years?

A: I currently work in retail. In 10 years I would love to have my own advertising/ marketing agency in the entertainment field. I just want to be able to accomplish all the goals that I have set for myself personally and professionally.