He Just Might be Crazy

So my hot-cold frenemy “Colin” texts me Friday and says he wants to get out. The weather has been bitterly cold and snow is frozen on the ground so I guess he has cabin fever.

He asks me what I am doing and I say finishing some take-home work and possibly hitting a club or bar later.

“Why don’t you come up to Baltimore and hang out?” I text.

“Nah, that’s too far.

“Well, why are you bothering me? I’m at home minding my own business. You hit me up.”

“Well, I was just thinking out loud,” he answered.

“Well why text me with what you are thinking?!?! I can’t read your mind through a text?”

Uggghh!!! Arggggh!!!! What was that exchange all about? From the way it started it sounded like he wanted to hang out. Then to pull the carpet out from under that was just weird.

Which led me to realize some gay men are just crazy. For those of us who are politically correct I’ll rephrase that to say “living with a mental illness.”

I have experienced so many incidents and heard so many tales of gay men just doing crazy, irrational stuff it makes me wonder. Shit you’ve read it in my blog. The lies. The inability to form strong bonds and relationships.The fickleness. The needless bullshitting.

So today I did a little Googling, entering the terms “gay” and “mental illness” and sure enough the evidence bears me out.

crazyMost gay men are sane and resilient people. However they are still more prone to live with a mental illness.

According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention gay men are more likely to suffer from depression during teen and adult years and have increased risk of being bipolar or having an anxiety disorder.

Part of the reason for this is that gay men continue to suffer from discrimination. And trying to hide your sexuality from disapproving family and friends for years can make anyone go bonkers.

Studies have shown openly gay men tend to be more well adjusted. However, coming out may not be advisable for some gay men if it puts them in physical danger or causes a major family disruption, psychologists warn.

So what have I learned this weekend? Every few months “Colin” and I hang out but the relationship has thankfully been platonic for five years. I try to be forgiving and understand of folks but after that stupid stunt he pulled Friday I have decided to cut him out of my life.

Because I’m too old to put up with crazy anymore.

How do I tell Family and Friends?


My partner “Van” has met and hung out with my mother and stepfather and my daughter and her boyfriend and even my church members.

And they have been mad cool and accepting.

“I feel more welcome with him than I did with that ex-wife of yours,” my stepfather said.

That was a huge compliment, considering it came from a from a 71-year old, Black Air Force vet sports fanatic who you would have thought would be most homophobic.

Peeps can surprise you.

During Thanksgiving Van even met my best buddy since high school “Sherrod”and his girlfriend. I think they figured out what was up but I never had “the talk” with them.

We just hung out and drank wine by an open pit fire and talked shit.

But at one point Sherrod said snidely. “Well I guess this is the real reason you left your wife.”

I just laughed it off and ignored him.

But I can’t keep laughing it off and ignoring it.

I am pretty well liked among my family and straight social circle so I get asked to hang out alot.

Dinners. Happy Hours. Holiday get-togethers. What have you.

I have been going alone but eventually folks have to meet him. I can’t keep excluding him from a big part of life.

But how to do it? Many of these folks knew my ex-wife. I mean these are my cousins and aunts and uncles and buds I have had since 5th grade.

Do I have to go into a long explanation with them? Or just bring Van and plunge in?

My late buddy “Kenyon” was totally open. His family ands knew his two female ex-wives and his male lovers.

But I’m not as crazy brave as he was.

Can anyone give me some advice?

In Memory of Kenyon

Photo courtesy of tarringovaughn.net.

Photo courtesy of tarringovaughn.net.

Saturday before last I packed my daughter and boyfriend “Van” up and drove 70 miles to northern Virginia to see my old friend “Kenyon.”

I knew there wasn’t much time.

He looked worse than I had seen him on Christmas Day. His six-feet-two frame had melted from 200 pounds down to 125.

His handsome, brown face was thin and narrow and his ears stood out from his head like saucers.

Still, he was his same crazy, funny self. Ordering his family around. Commenting on how beautiful my daughter had grown while she blushed and played with his Shih Tsu puppy.

And still planning to buy a new Ford truck and keep his cleaning business going.

But I knew Kenyon didn’t have much time. He looked tired and took frequent breaks to just lay back on the couch and half nap.

He could last a few days. A few weeks. A few months maybe. He had liver cancer and it was spreading rapidly through his body.

Liver cancer is one of the most aggressive forms of cancer. Did you know only one out of 10 people diagnosed with it live for another five years?

I started kicking it with Kenyon before I left my wife. I can’t remember how we met. I think on Adam4Adam.

He was a handsome man with a smooth bubble brown ass and a dick so big and thick I couldn’t wrap my hand around it.

He loved for me to fuck him — we would meet at mutual friend’s houses and do it on the floor, on the bed, anywhere.

He was just that hot. He would moan so loudly I swear the whole block heard.

Kenyon was also very masculine and unclockable. He dated women and married twice and had a grown son. He cussed like a sailor and would threaten to beat up anyone who had something to say about the fact he liked fucking with dudes.

I mean, Kenyon was crazy. But mostly a good crazy.

So he asked to hang around me in the straight world and I agreed against the advice of my gay friends.

And Kenyon would come to my house for cookouts and football game parties and he met my wife and kids and my mother and stepfather and my cousins and my friends.

And everybody liked him. And nobody questioned his sexuality. And he never betrayed me or acted like he was anything more than a homeboy.

“How did you meet Kenyon,” my wife once asked.

“Oh, his company was doing a cleaning job at my company and we started talking and decided to hang out.”

After I left my wife he was my adviser. He had been in the gay world longer and knew all the games, who was fucked up, who I should hang with and who I should avoid.

“Hey Kenyon this guy named Mario from out in Fort Washington hit up on me and wants to date,” I said. “He seems real nice.”

Kenyon rolled his eyes and looked at me like I was a newborn fool.

“Leave that stupid muthafucka alone Manuel,” he said. “He is living with his lover and just fucking around on the side. Haven’t you wondered why he never comes out at night? Plus both them niggas have HIV and don’t practice safe sex. They just spreading gonorrhea.”

“How do you know all this?”

“Manuel, I’ve been around and in this longer.”

And I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.

Kenyon had wanted to date me but the volatility that made sex so passionate with him carried over into the real world. He was hot tempered and quick to argue and fight and sometimes was crazy but not in the good way.

That turned me off.

For instance one time he set up an Adam4Adam profile that had a name that was a variation of my own. He used it to track who I was getting down with or even get guys I was going after.

We fell out a bit over that shady shit but made up. Because we were friends and had a bond. The love was always there.

Heck, I remember one year I celebrated my birthday by getting a hotel suite and having all my buds over for card games and a male stripper. Kenyon brought a young 20-something guy with him who was his lover at the time.

After the guests left Kenyon and “Julian” helped me clean up. And we ended up in bed having an intense threesome that I didn’t expect because I really wanted to just relax on that birthday and not make it a freak fest.

Kenyon's dick. I'm sure he won't mind me immortalizing it in my blog.

Kenyon’s dick. I’m sure he won’t mind me immortalizing it in my blog.

I remember we fucked Julian so much he made us stop. “Y’all have two big ass dicks. I’m not taking that shit all night,” he said.

But crazy Kenyon made Julian shut up and bend over doggy style. Then he fucked him hard a few more minutes and blew nutt in his ass. They were lovers and got down raw like that.

Julian came too while stroking his dick with Kenyon still inside him. He was a 24-year-old dude in the Army and I think he got off having a hot Daddy like Kenyon order him around.

But eventually they broke up because of the 25-year age difference. Julian still liked to play on his X-Box and go to raves while Kenyon was looking for a mature partner who could help him pay the bills and build something permanent.

By the time Kenyon got sick he had settled down with a new lover, a nice guy in his 50s who was closer in age and worked as a government contractor. They had nice domestic life — a beautifully decorated town home and a pet dog.

And I was able to introduce Kenyon to Van, whom he liked immediately. “Hold on to that one,” he advised. “You two seem to get along and fit each other.”

So you see I had his blessing.

Last Saturday his sister called to say Kenyon had taken a turn for the worse and was taken to the hospital, sedated and put on a ventilator.

It was the weekend I had my daughter so I was going to pick her up.

“Baby, Ken is in the hospital,” I said. “Do you mind if I pick you up and we go visit him before we go out to the movies with your friends.”

“No, no problem,” my daughter said. “He is nice.”

Before I could head to the hospital his sister called. Kenyon had died before I could make it.

I am glad he is not in pain anymore and he was a good man so I know he is in a better place.

But I will miss picking up the phone and gossiping with a man who had the 4-11 on every black gay man in the DMV. And his fun/crazy ways. And the fact he never lied to me and was always a straight shooter.

Rest in peace Kenyon. Until we meet again.







All in the Family

My buddy “Elliott” lives in a small town in rural Delaware. Most everybody knows everybody. So it’s hard for a gay man to find somebody to play with.

So Elliott was delighted when one day he went on Adam4Adam and found this hot, 37-year-old black guy living nearby named “Dominic.”

“I liked his profile on Adam and I hit him up,” Elliott said. “I didn’t know who he was. He didn’t have a picture and I didn’t have one either.”

First they found out they attended the same church. Then they met and discovered …they were first cousins once removed!

“My father and his grandmother are brothers and sisters,” Elliott said.

Did that stop them? Nope. Elliott and Dominic turned into partners in crime.

“We get hotel rooms in Rehobeth for the weekend on occasions — from Friday to Sunday,” Elliott texted me. “We invite white guys to the room and tag team them. LOL.”

Elliott, who is in his late 40s, admires his younger cousin because he is such a freak.

Dominic sports a cock ring, pierced nipples, a piercing between his asshole and his nutts, and a collection of sex toys that includes a fleshlight and fuckable man’s torso made of rubber.

Dominic, who prefers to fuck fuck white guys, can also fuck, cum, stay hard, and keep fucking, Elliott said.

A muscle butt white bottom Elliott and Dominic tag-teamed.

A muscle butt white bottom Elliott and Dominic tag-teamed.

“My cousin and I tag teamed this white bottom (in the photo above),” he said. “He was almost in tears. Moaning and groaning and trying to get away.”

But when they threesome Elliott and Dominic don’t touch each other. Well, except that one time when their dicks touched with they double penetrated this white bottom.

Because hey they are close cousins, but not that close.

Q: Readers, have you ever run into a family member when trying to hook up?

Trey and the Hollywood Actor

Darryl Stephens, who starred in the series "Noah's Arc," is one of only a handful of openly gay black male actors in Hollywood. My buddy Trey says if all the gay black men in the entertainment industry came out of the closet a lot of fans would have heart attacks.

Darryl Stephens, who starred in the series “Noah’s Arc,” is one of only a handful of openly gay black male actors in Hollywood. My buddy Trey says if all the gay black men in the entertainment industry came out of the closet a lot of fans would have heart attacks.

“Trey” is a 40-something professional I know who is in the hospitality industry. HeĀ  frequently travels for business. He gave me this account about how he met a well-known African American actor who is down-low and how there are more gay black men than you think in the entertainment industry.

Trey was on business in Los Angeles eight years ago when he decided to go on a gay chat line and got hit up on by “Jarvis,” a medium height, well built man with pecan brown skin, liquid brown eyes and a dazzling smile.

“I doubt we can meet in Los Angeles,” Trey said. “I’m leaving tomorrow morning for New York City for work.”

“Oh, what a coincidence,” said Jarvis, who had a tenor voice as smooth as butter. “I’m going to New York for a job in a day or two. We can meet there.”

So they agreed to meet in Manhattan the following week. When Jarvis walked into the hotel lobby Trey thought he looked familiar. And then it hit him.

Jarvis was an actor in his 40’s who in film had played alongside some of the most popular black actors and comedians in Hollywood, including Loretta Devine, Ice Cube and Katt Williams.

He was also a guest star on several popular detective and police TV series.

“Trey, you have got to be kidding me? He’s gay?,” I said after he told me the actor’s real name. “He’s handsome and all but I would have never thought.”

“Yep, he is gay or at least very bisexual,” Trey answered. “We started dating and he showered me with gifts and money and flew me out to Los Angeles all the time. I was smart about it. Half of the money he gave me I put in the bank.”

Trey is a light-skinned man from Trinidad. He is not particularly handsome but has a great personality and is slight of build with a bubble ass. He is also masculine with a deep voice with a slight but appealing Trinidadian tinge to it.

But to top it off Trey is a beast bottom in the bedroom. So I could see someone trying to lock that down.

The sex was spectacular and the Trey and Jarvis seemed to enjoy each others’ company. But after a year or so the relationship abruptly ended.

“He told me he had hired a live-in maid so next time I came out to L.A. she would be at his house.”

“So I flew out and called him and this woman answered,” Trey continued. “And I asked, ‘Who is this?'”

“And she got testy and said, ‘Who the hell are you? I am Jarvis’ fiancee.'”

Trey said he got very angry. He knew athletes and actors on the down-low often had male lovers in cities they frequented but he thought he had developed a close relationship with Jarvis.

Jarvis had never mentioned he was dating a woman, much less planning to marry one.

“So I told her what was up,” Trey said. “Jarvis called me later and was upset as shit, asking why I pushed him out of the closet like that. But I told him he was wrong for not telling me about her.”

There was a question I had to ask.

“But Trey he was asking you to L.A. to stay in the same house with his fiancee. Do you think he might have wanted to get down with both of you? Maybe at the same time?”

“He might have wanted that but that was not the way to do it surprising me like that,” Trey said. “At any rate they got married the next year.”

Many of the stories Trey told me mirrored accounts I read in "Hiding in Hip Hop," a book about down-low men in the entertainment industry written by Terrance Dean.

Many of the stories Trey told me mirrored accounts I read in “Hiding in Hip Hop,” a book about down-low men in the entertainment industry written by Terrance Dean.

Trey was introduced to the celebrity down-low world through other friends. He has rattled off names of some actors and music artists he knows are gay or bisexual because he has gone to exclusive parties in the Hamptons and other places where these guys congregate.

The code when you are invited to these events is you don’t talk about what happens or you get locked out forever.

“These parties were like regular house parties but these estates are so big and there were many rooms so you would walk around and come across guys having sex,” Trey said. “Once I went into the bathroom and there was this (well known black model) on his knees sucking a white man’s dick.”

He rattled off names of many down-low celebrities I recognized. A rap music mogul, a comedian and actor, and three rappers, including one who is well known for throwing homophobic rants both in his music and in public.

Some of the stories Trey told me would make great gossip fodder on TMZ, including one about this married rapper who has been popular from way back in the day.

“He had a male lover on the side,” Trey said. “And he moved him onto his estate. The wife got so upset she moved into the guest house. But she stayed married to him. Eventually the lover had to go.”

Trey said women who are married to these men probably know they play with males on the side. But they ignore it because they are getting the money and prestige.

Trey is visiting Baltimore this weekend. I can’t wait to introduce him to Van and hang out with him so I can hear more stories.

Down-low Desperation

Photo courtesy of Examiner.com.

Photo courtesy of Examiner.com.

Late last Thursday night he hit me up on Adam4Adam.com.

A tall, dark-skinned brother in his late 30’s. Just two miles away if you drove in a straight line.

“Look, I just want to suck some dick,” he texted. “I don’t drive but you could come over.”

I’m not lying. His photos looked hot. We phoned each other. His voice was masculine and had that edge to it. You know, that huskiness and urgency that is in the timbre of a man’s voice when he is horny as shit.

“Yeah, text me that address.”

But when he gave me his address he directed me to come to the rear of the row house.

“Why? Are you not alone?”

“My girl and kids are upstairs sleeping. It would take an hour on buses to come to you. But I can open the basement door and you can just come downstairs. I want to suck that big dick.”

“Dude, are you crazy? That’s so disrespectful.”

“I’m feeling hormonal,” he answered. “Just come over.”

There was no way I would have done that. What if his son or daughter woke up and walked downstairs and saw Daddy doing something salacious that would have them laying on a therapist’s couch 20 years from now?

What if his girl came down? And had a knife. Or a gun. Or a frying pan.

Oh HELL no I wasn’t going.

But his dilemma made me think. How long could his situation go on? I had been down that road years ago (read my earlier blog entries to see).

I had come far enough to see where his path would lead.

This wasn’t going to come to a good end. He was going to break out of this down-low prison eventually or his woman was going to find out and spring him from prison himself, possibly in a messy, disastrous way.

I wanted to tell him so much. To give advice. To warn.

Instead I logged off, turned over and went to sleep. The next time he hits me up I promise I will try to talk to him but that Thursday night I was too tired.